I M Perfect lady

Tag: potential for change

  • The Cost of my Peace!

    I finally figured out what I can’t accept in having to accept.

     

    I can’t accept that someone can’t change.

     

    And I guess that is not the meaning of acceptance.  I want acceptance with a clause.

     

    I want to accept who you are, but that you can change.

     

    This is incredibly insane. 

    This isn’t acceptance it’s conditional acceptance.

     

    It seems to be hopeless to accept others as they are.

    I am not sure if you can follow this, but in my head it makes sense as to why I am forever waiting and hoping, for I believe to the depth of my being that changes are possible.

     

    Even if the other person has yet to make one step, I am of thinking, ‘they can’.

     

    Yet can they?

     

    It almost seems like I have to become a pessimist or at very least, a realist and see who they are, not their potential with change.

     

    Imagine, “their potential with change” that is so not accepting who they are in this moment, but dreaming and believing that who they are isn’t who they want to be.

     

    Instead who they are ISN’T who I want them to be.

     

    I want them to be different.

    I want them to change to satisfy my ideas of what would make them a better this or a better that.

     

    This is an ongoing problem with me living in the land of potential changes, instead of being real right now.

     

    It is what it is.  I had said a million times.  But what I felt is, ‘it is what it is, until it isn’t’!

     

    Living in a hopeful state that someone will change, leaves you feeling hopeless.

     

    Somehow I have to work on accepting others not ever changing, and by seeing it is I with the problem, not them. 

     

    They are quite happy being as they are.

    As Byron Katie says, “who are you to ruin a good buzz, they are happy drinking!”

     

    I am the one that struggles with accepting that they are okay where they are, that they have no thoughts of changing, and have told me so repeatedly in words, thoughts and deeds!

     

    UGH.

     

    This will sit with me today.

    I accept who they are, but that they can change.

    Which is totally counterintuitive!

     

    I will only accept what is if what is changes!

     

    It would be funny if it wasn’t such a tragedy and if it hadn’t cost me so much peace.

     

    Believing in changes at the cost of my peace!

     

     

  • Indifferent to Love.

    “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you're the easiest person to fool.”         

        Richard Feynman

     

    It is amazing to me how a fool will take my place, how the mental lady slips into my awareness and shields me from the truth and unbeknownst to me, a different view of reality is transposed upon a kind world.

     

    This happens when I am wide-awake, it happens slyly as I bend back into an old relationship, I revert back to my old persona and with it comes tricky glasses and my awareness turns the opposites into truths.

     

    I am the fool and the fooled, which seems the weirdest of all circus tricks!

     

    What is even weirder is that I believe the foolish tricks and lose sight and faith in reality, while focused on the trick being played out in front.

     

    The trick feeds upon my fears, each lending themselves to each other in a whirlwind or a cyclone spinning madness upon my reality, neither stops to see if there is evidence to the contrary in reality, just whirling around false truths and replacing good with bad and bad with good, like flipping a switch, my whole world becomes hostile and I am immediately tossed the coat of armor to stand in defense.

     

    My enemies are those that love me, my friends those who are indifferent, flopped upside down again, I am mad.

     

    Not mad in anger, but a mad woman who focuses her energies to change what is; breaking reality once again, by not seeing the truth as it lays naked.

     

    This mad woman doesn’t accept what is but stands with potential of change.  She believes in potential of change, not in what is right in front of her.

     

    How would you hold on to the potential for change?  Does potential for change have roots?  How does one know the direction potential of change is heading?  Is that a spot to sit upon?

     

    If I sat in the spot of “potential to change” what am I doing at that moment?  Am I moving or acting in reality, or am I just simply evading change.

     

    This land ‘potential for change’ is where I stored my whole family (childhood family).  And in doing so it spared me from feeling reality.

     

    If there is potential for change, there is hope.

    And where there is hope, reality slips away.

     

    (I had to go back to an old post to grab this quote that I loved, and I still do.)

     

    “If you give up hope, you will likely find your life is infinitely richer.  Here’s why:  When you live in hope, it’s usually because you’re avoiding reality.”  Gay Hendricks

     

    I was avoiding the finality of indifference. 

     

    While I was hoping their indifference would change, I was indifferent to the love at hand.

     

    In my reality my home has love where indifference once stood. 

     

    When mad, I am indifferent to love.

     

     IMG_2647