“All children are born to grow, to develop, to live, to love, and to articulate their needs and feelings for their self-protection” ~ Alice Miller
Who knew that in order to grow up, you have to learn how to articulate your feelings and needs?
Isn't it funny in a peculiar way, how the parents who abused us believe they know what our needs are. Really? You do?
What is even more tragic is that we continue to believe they have our best interest at heart…really? Are they not the same ones who lowered who I was, who didn't allow me to self-protect?
There is no other crime in the world where the victim and the offender have relationships long long after the crime, where there is no separation…unless, and it is a very small proportion, the child presses charges against the parent.
In order for the crime to be addressed, the child has to put his parent in jail…and be then accussed of 'breaking up the family'. Really, isn't it really just a crime ring?
These crimes are snuggled nicely into the family unit, where the other spouse is a knowing accomplice, and the child or children are held victims forever…
Even the whisper of 'speaking' of this sets off and in motion a torrent of fear that pulls tighter the controls of the patriarchal power…striking the child mute once again.
The child fears to stand against the offender/accomplice…and is persuaded to return to the 'family' or crime ring.
What I will never underestimate is the power of the parents to sway the sanity and well being of the family unit…and they have the exact same power to create insanity and hold it tightly within.
Parents power will either be used to abuse or be used to love…and the children will follow in kind.
Our family used family as a place for abuse to flourish…it wasn't used to raise and teach us self-protection, in fact it did the complete opposite.
It is said that my father clothed and fed 14 children, but they fail to report how he didn't raise us, but instead stunted our emotional growth, rendered useless our power to self protect.
He instead, along with my mother, set us out in the world without a way to protect ourselves, we had to learn this on our own.
It took me 40 years to figure it out, that first step in the course of self protection was to learn to protect myself from my parents….
No abusive parent will grant a child its rights to their needs or feelings, it is impossible for them to even consider it.
Abusive parents are very self absorbed, they don't even know what you need, but the certainly and unequivocally LET You know what they need….and like always, we acquiesce our feelings and our needs to please them.
What other crime does the victim work so hard and give up their lives to please the offender???
If we are not standing up for our feelings and what our needs are we are laying down in order to please the one who lowered us. How low will you go??? It is like insane limbo….and actually it does leave you life in limbo.
It is my belief that offenders have no low limits, they could care less what is required of you in order to please them….it is up to us how low the bar goes, how low are your boundaries…
I M Perfect lady 