Tag: responsibility

  • I will Dance in Mine!

    "I am often surprised and humbled by how quickly in my insecurity I can begin to assume responsibility for all the wrongs and sufferings I see around me.  When thrown off-center, when old patterns return, when feeling exhausted or depressed, I so quickly become the exaggerated cause of all that is not right with the world."  

    "I know I am not alone in this.  Perhaps it is one of the laws of emotional weather; sudden lows result in isolated storms.  It has happened to me enough over the years that I have to acknowledge the power of Negative Self-Centeredness.  We typically think of the ego-centered as being conceited and self-inflated and quite selfish.  But this recurring struggle with exaggerated responsibility has made me realize that more often we are ego-centered with feeling deflated, when feeling shaken from our sense of oneness with things.  In that place of separation, we become darkly self-centered, blaming ourselves for not fixing things or making things right or for letting bad things happen. Underneath these self-recriminations is the grandiose assumption that we have the power, in the first place, to control events that are really beyond any human being's influence."

    "Certainly, we affect each other, and often, but to assume that other people's inner moods hinge on my presence is an egocentric way to keep myself in a cycle of sacrifice and guilt.  Further, to assume that another's condition or way of being in the world hinges on my presence is the beginning of self-oppression and co-dependence.  In extreme moments of negative self-centeredness, we can assume magical proportions of burden, in which we feel acutely responsible for a loved one's illness or misfortune because we weren't good enough or perfect enough."  Mark Nepo

    In the past few days, okay 53 years, I have experienced this negative self-centeredness.  It is truly an awful feeling…feeling responsible for others…I just had not thought of how incredibly "special" I was trying to make myself and then how "unspecial" the other feels…when I take on their responsibilities.

    However I have been getting better at dropping the responsibility and letting others carry themselves.  Yet, there are moments when I do pick them up for a few days and carry them along. And it is true, I do see them as less while I carry them.

    And at first glance, at least to me, it seems harsh to not pick them up…when with my limited knowledge it seems they "Need" me…(even if they have not asked…)

    My body has bore the brunt of this negative self-centeredness and it responds quickly when my mind stirs up another's life…I get a sharp clutching knot in my neck…the strain of mentally being responsible in a life that isn't mine.

    In yoga today, I had a mantra, that I released in different poses, to let go of the tightness of being in control, while clearly not capable of being…"I am responsible just for me!"….or "I am not responsible in other lives."

    If I had to boil down my dysfunction to one pattern that I repeat time and time again, it is this one.  Negative Self Centeredness. 

    Who knew that in jumping into lives I was pushing in ahead them and their God and Universe…wow.

    Hard to justify the two…for at first glance it appears to be 'helpful'…caring even…when I was actually putting them down as I got in front of their God.

    What I do love, is that at the end of the day, and the end of tossing around thoughts in my head, all I am responsible for is Me.

    Today I pushed aside the cape of rescuing someone by being responsible, and focused instead on my Art. Thankfully I have a place I can go that will shove aside the voices urging me to don my cape and get involved. 

    Here is what I did instead of playing God in someone's life today…

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    I love the Ladies dancing to their own beat…For each of us hears life and move in the way we feel best.

    Dance to the feelings of your Life…and I will dance in mine!

     

     

  • Karma

    From the Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav

    "To the extent that a person is in touch with spiritual depths, the personality is soothed because the energy of consciousness is focused on its energy core and not on its artificial facade, which is the personality."

    "The personality sometimes appears as a force running rampant in the world with no attachment to the energy of its soul.  This situation can be the origin of what we call an evil human being, and it can be the origin of a schizophrenic human being. It is the result of the personality being unable to find its reference point, or connection, to its mothership, which is its soul.  The conflicts of a human's life are directly proportional to the distance at which an energy of personality exists separately from the soul, and, therefore, as we shall see, in an irresponsible position of creation. When a personality is in full balance, you cannot see where it ends and the soul begins.  That is a whole human being."

    "What is involved in the healing of a soul?"

    "Most of us are accustomed to the idea that we are irresponsible for some of our actions, but not all of them. We consider ourselves responsible, for example, for the good deed that brings our neighbor and us together, or for responding to it positively, but we do not consider ourselves responsible for the argument between us and our neighbor, or responding to it negatively. We consider ourselves responsible for having a safe trip if we take the time to check conditions of the car before starting, but if we speed around a car that, in our opinion, has been traveling too slowly, and almost cause an accident by doing that, we consider the other driver responsible.  If we feed and clothe ourselves through our successful business, we credit ourselves.  If we feed and clothe ourselves by burglarizing apartments, we blame our difficult childhood."

    "For many of us, being held responsible is equal to getting caught.  A friend who returns each year to his native Italy told me, with a twinkly in his eye, of a dinner out with his family. When the bill came, my friend's father, who is fastidious, examined each scribbled item. After some study, he deciphered the last entry and recognized it to be a short expression that translates, roughly, "If it goes, it goes."  He called the waiter and asked, "What is this item?"  The waiter shrugged, "It didn't go."  Many of us feel that if a clerk gives us too much change, and we take it, our life has been affected only to the extent that we have come into an unexpected gain.  In fact, each of our acts affect us in far reaching ways."

    "Every action, thought and feeling is motivated by an intention, and that intention is the cause that exists as one with an effect.  If we participate in the cause, it is not possible for us to not participate in the effect.  In this most profound way, we are held responsible for our every action, thought and feeling, which is to say, our every intention.  We, ourselves, shall parttake of the fruit of our every intention. It is therefore, wise for us to become aware of the many intentions that inform our experience, to sort out which intentions produce which effects, and to choose our intentions according to the effects that we desire to produce."

    "This is the way that we learned about physical reality as children, and that we refine our knowledge of it as adults.  We learn the effect of crying when we are hungry, and we repeat the cause that brings us the effect that we desire. WE learn the effect of putting a finger in the light socket, and we do not repeat the cause that produces that effect."

    "We also learn about intentions and their effects through our experience in physical reality, but learning that intentions produce specific effects, and what those effects are, proceed slowly when our learning must be done solely through the density of physical matter. Anger, for example, causes distance and hostile interactions.  If we must learn this solely through physical experience, we many have to experience ten, or fifty, or one hundred and fifty circumstances of distance from another and hostile interaction before we come to understand that it is the orientation of anger on our part, the intention of hostility and distance, and not this particular action or that, which produces the effect that we do not want.  This is predominantly the way that a five-sensory human learns."

    "The relationship of cause and effect within the domain of physical objects and phenomena reflects a dynamic that is not limited to physical reality.  This the dynamic of karma. Everything in the physical world, including each of us, is a small part of dynamics that are more extensive than a five-sensory human can preceive. The love, fear, compassion, and anger that you experience for example, are only a small part of the love, fear, and compassion, and anger of a larger energy system that you do not see."

    "Within physical reality, the dynamic of karma is reflected by the third lay of motion: "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." In other words, the great law of karma that governs the balancing energy within our evolutionary system is reflected within the domain of physical objects and phenomena by the last of three principles, three laws of motion, that govern the balancing of energy within physical reality."

    "The law of karma is an impersonal energy dynamic. When its effects are personalized, that is, experienced from the point of view of the personality, they are experienced as the reversal in the direction, a coming back to the intender, of the energy of his or her intention.  This is how the personality experiences the impersonal dynamic that is described by the third law as an "equal and opposite reaction."

    "The person who intends hatred for others experiences the intention of hatred from others.  The person who intends love for others experiences the intention of love from others, and so forth."

    "The Golden Rule is a behavioral guide that is based upon the dynamic of karma.  A personalized statement of karma would be, "You receive from the world what you give to the world."

    "Karma is not a moral dynamic.  Morality is a human creation. the Universe does not judge. The law of karma governs the balancing energy within our system of morality and within those of our neighbors.  It serves humanity as an impersonal and Universal teacher of responsibility."

    "Every cause that has not yet produced its effect is an event that has not yet come to completion.  it is an imbalance of energy that is in the process of becoming balanced.  That balancing of energy does not always occur within the span of a single lifetime. The karma of your soul is created and balanced by activities of its many personalities, including you.  Often a personality experiences effect that were created by other of its soul's personalities, and conversely, creates energy imbalances that are not able to right themselves within its own lifetime."

    "Therefore, without knowledge of its soul, reincarnation, and karma, it is not always possible for a personality to understand the significance or the meaning of the events of its life, or to understand the effects of its responses to them."

    "For example, a personality that takes advantage of others creates an imbalance of energy that must be righted by the experience of being taken advantage of by others.  If that cannot be accomplished in the lifetime of this personality, another of its soul's personalities will experience being taken advantage of by other people.  If that personality does not understand that the experience of being taken advantage of by others is the effect of a previous cause, and that this experience is bringing to completion an impersonal process, it will react from a personal view rather than from the point of view of its soul.  It may become angry for example, or vengeful or depressed. It may lash out, or grow cynical or withdraw into sorrow.  Each of these responses creates karma, another imbalance of energy which, in turn, must be balanced. In this way, one karmic debt has been paid, so to speak, but another, or others, has been created."

    "If a child dies early in life, we do not know what agreement was made between that child's soul and the souls of its parents, or what healing was served by that experience.  Although we are sympathetic to the anguish of the parents, we cannot judge this event.  If we or the parents of this child, do not understand the impersonal nature of the dynamic that is in motion, we may react with anger towards the Universe, or towards each other, or with guilt if we feel that our actions were inadequate. All of these reactions create karma, and more lessons for the soul to learn – more karmic debts for the soul to pay – appear."

    "In order to become whole, the soul must balance its energy. It must experience the effects that it has caused. The energy imbalances in the soul are the incomplete parts of the soul that form the personality.  Personalities in interaction are souls that are seeking to heal.  Whether an interaction between souls is healing or not depends upon whether the personality involved can see beyond itself and that of the other personality to the interaction of their souls.  This perception automatically draws forth compassion."

    "Every experience, and every interaction, provides you with an opportunity to look from the point of view of your soul or from the point of your personality."  Gary Zukav, "The Seat of the Soul"

     

  • Bring to Christmas

    Just being me on Christmas is a huge peaceful relief…no stress is lurking, (now that the mail volume will begin to decrease) and I didn't string up any expectations or false ideals of anyone.

    In the past, I would plunge down deep after Christmas, but it was due to all the expectations and hopes I put into Christmas…and their failure would leave me empty hollow and down.

    It is insane how the mind can expect the undeliverable and believe it.  How I would believe that the Christmas season could change people, and like magic they would realize or see things that hadn't before…

    When in fact, it seems that what is off is really off on Christmas…instead of healing things, it magnifies them.

    And the opposite is true too.  When you are filled with love and peace about yourself and your life, Christmas arrives and there is nothing to want.  For you already want what you have.

    I feel such great emptiness of hopes…I am not standing on a mountain, that I will have to fall from tomorrow and for weeks afterward.  Instead I come to Christmas needing nothing from anyone…it was never about the gifts, but rather the Feelings I wanted from them.

    I wanted them to feel this or that way towards me….

    I wanted to feel this or that way towards them.  No matter who they or them was.  I always arrived with false expectations and in the state of need.

    When I arrive at Christmas empty of expectations and hope, I can sit in peace and let it all be.  

    Loving me and accepting me is the greatest thing I can bring to Christmas; if I am Merry with me, Christmas doesn't have to make me Merry.

    Just as Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor says, "each of us are responsible for the energy we bring into the room," it is up to us to bring Merry to Christmas.

    I love that I have a Merry me to bring to Christmas….

  • The Responsibility lies within you.

    In the past week, I have heard two different ladies tell me that God wants them to be kind to people who are not kind to them…that being kind to unkind people is pleasing to God.

     

    Both say, it isn’t what they would do, but they truly feel this is what God wants them to do.  So to please God they act differently than how they feel.

     

    They put on a God Smilely Face, when inside they are feeling quite the opposite and believe this is what God wants them to do.  God likes them to be fake.

     

    I find this very interesting and quite unsettling that they, when they find themselves in a spot of where their real feelings would have them move away, that they instead put on a smile and blame it on God.  He wants me to do this…

     

    What kind of God is that, I asked?  I am sorry, but the God I know, would not want me to be fake nor have me be with folks who are unkind… For Him.

     

    To which I am met with silence.

     

    Oddly enough by blaming God and ‘acting’ in a manner you assume he appreciates, leaves you without having to make a tough choice.

     

    It leaves you not having to move, nor speaking up or presenting your inner truths.

     

    In fact Martha Beck in this months O Magazine, wrote about the problem with asking “What would Love do”…for many of us have the wrong definition of love.

     

    I would say the same of God.  What would God do, usually is what you feel is your highest option.

     

    And if your highest option is to be fake, I am uncertain who you are.

     

    Again, it leaves me wordless and shaking my head…to hear these adult women having to be false, to be unable to walk their own truths, to present their own feelings and move away.

     

    They stay to please God. 

     

    In fact one lady told me this was the meaning of ‘unconditional love’ to remain kind no matter what.

     

    I told her I have found that this is the meaning of abuse.

     

    That if you are unable to make a choice, to turn around, to leave, to speak your truths …you remain a victim.

     

    And the God I know would not want me to be without free will.

     

    It is easier to blame God and plaster on fake kindness than it is for them to face them and say what they truly feel.

     

    Instead of holding God responsible for your acting inauthentic, the responsibility lies within you.

     

     

  • Giving up Control

    I thought this blog was over when I had the realization that my daughter had my unconditional love, that when I hopped on the back of “Mr. Heart is as big as a House, that I completed my journey, that all I had to do was ride along, ducking when the shit hit the fan….

    Nope, that isn’t it at all.

    The second part of my ride has just begun.

    I now know where I have been, what techniques I use for love and how and when to apply them, when I take out my tackle box and get busy.

    It is each and every time a mess arrives and IF the mess is in someone’s life I love, well, get the hell out of the way, I am going in.

    I slip off, okay I jump off the motor bike and leave my world behind, I roll up my sleeves pull out my tongue, engage my mental mind and I am in your business up to my neck, and Mr. Big as a House heart rides alone.

    And here’s the deal when I leave Mr. Big Heart, I leave my own heart, my own love and passion and become stuck in the quick sand of your life.

    That is what I do, Miss Mental Lady loves to play in your lives, your world, and moves around and the more she moves the more stuck she gets, it is indeed like quick sand.

    What I need to do most is close my eyes, shut my mouth, and enjoy the ride.

    If I am riding along and holding on and letting the Universe lead, I cannot be responsible, I cannot just jump into lives unasked, unsolicited…oh my God what a meddlesome woman, an unwelcome intrusion.

    How much can you decide if someone is in there deciding it for you? Who needs a mind if my mental mind is coming to your rescue?

    I know that Michael Brown of the Presence process says, “If you pick someone up, when you put them down, you put them back where you found them.”

    While we think we are saving, we are delaying or stealing their lessons.

    My job, my only job as I can see it now is to hold on to my business, my world, my joy, my love, my life and to gracefully sit silently looking upon my daughters and any other.

    I had said to my mother, “Silence is the kindest thing I can offer…” Silence and a loving heart is the best of me I can offer, if my mind gets involved we are off to the races, the struggle of you running your life or me running your life.

    Pick one.

    If I don’t pick running my life, I have learned nothing.

    I am back.

    I am in my business.

    Whew, another close call…

    I am holding on Universe…here we go!

    I keep forgetting I am not driving! UGH…
    Backseat drivers only annoy whose driving.
    It is best to sit back quietly and enjoy the ride.

    The second part of this blog is me learning to walk the walk
    of giving up control…

  • The Neglected Child

    “Do not leave child unattended” is a sign that should be on the inside of my eyelids.

    I was surprised to find that I too was unattended.

    I was one of the ones she left when she went on a weekend getaway, I was one of them, and I responded in a way I felt was needed, perhaps not what I wanted to do, but what was called for.

    The resentment I felt covered up my unattended feelings; the abandonment was hidden behind the duties of being responsible.

    I wonder if the reason I kept being so responsible, is I didn’t want to feel the loneliness, the feelings of being left alone, the absence of being cared for?

    As long as I focused on the resentment of being responsible, it shielded me from sitting down in the middle of forlornness of knowing I was carelessly handled.

    This camouflage feeling became the standard I lived by and was defined by and NOT labeled as unattended.

    In fact, I am sure I tried to present to the world that we were all put together and fine.

    When I take a quick jaunt backward, to the age I was, I see a slideshow of neglect.

    Some of the boys took this adult-free zone as a weekend of no rules, ‘let the party begin’!

    It seemed it was my poor choice to pick up the responsibility instead of play.

    I played adult.

    And I took on the responsibility with it.

    What I can only guess is that it was easier to play adult that it was to be the neglected child.

  • My own load I can manage.

    What I experienced was the karmic wheel that was much larger than what I seen of my boss’s one day.

    This was an energy that had been repressed and bundled in fear.

    Each moment in my life where I felt the superior was neglectful; I became insubordinate and tried to correct my mother’s behavior by correcting them.

    The Universe has delivered to me various opportunities to attend to myself, but in each of the situations I instead became rebellious to the boss, not wanting to once again endure the treatment of childhood.

    More than once, I have been told I walked a fine line of being insubordinate.

    I looked up the meaning, it means to refuse to obey orders or submit to authority.

    Of course my insubordinate nature was always to protect the unprotected children, no matter if the ‘children’ were my fellow employees.

    I was stuck in the fear of being responsible for things that I wasn’t suppose to be responsible for and for making the supervisor/mother aware of their behaviors while wanting to please them by allowing them to leave for rest, yet resenting the mess they left me in.

    If you look at this without the fear of being unattended, or the fact that I will not be held responsible for things that could/would and may happen, I am just a woman whose only responsibility is to care for my one rural route.

    I can do that.

    I did do that.

    I literally kept bringing the focus back to my mail, my job and tried to ‘not care’ about what was going on in her world.

    The separation is key.

    The knowing what is my business and what is hers.
    What is my responsibility and what is hers.
    Thankfully she didn’t leave behind babies who were in need of much care, babies that I just couldn’t neglect and leave unattended.

    What I see and feel most now is that I have a much broader view and less fear of the lines between what is my responsibility and what is others.
    Picking up others responsibility has weakened my shoulders and weighed heavy in my life.

    I feel the correction and the absence of fear that I am not being a good responsible girl in their absence with a load so much larger than my capabilities.

    My own load I can manage.

  • Where I stopped caring for me.

    As I read back a few days in my blog, I saw where the trimmings had a hold of me and almost ruined Christmas, and then the actions and expectations did the job the trimmings had started.

    It is like negative energy travels from item to person to thing, to any place in my world to latch on, and if I am not aware where my power is, it slips in and takes over.

    What I believe happens as well, as the busier you are the more unaware you become, so busy doing you forget to be.

    My Christmases of past were very busy doings, they wore me out to the last drop of energy, it was what I thought was needed to make a great Christmas to do over and beyond what you normally do.

    To put your self into trimming the house, oodles of gifts, baking, card sending, wrapping your self up into a dozen places until there is no you left.

    Exhausted and depleted.

    A manic Christmas cheer.

    Taking the season of giving into a manic state of doing and overdoing and then doing yet more.

    This holiday season is a playground for those of us who have ‘responsibility addictions’ who feel we carry the power to make others happy. It is like a drugstore of places for us to get our hits.

    There should be a warning label on Christmas.

    “Be careful not to give your self away.”

    I had a very odd dream on Christmas Eve, well actually very early Christmas morning, as I awoke from it, it left me knowing its content was a metaphor for how I lived my life.

    It isn’t a nice dream, but I will state it here anyway.

    I became aware I was in the back of a station wagon, face down, naked from the waist down, I was a young girl and I was watching a man approaching the side of the car, the windows are open and I hear him say my maiden name. In the middle seats are young kids, and the feeling I have is that I will offer my body to him to spare them. He climbs on my back and does his thing. I don’t feel anything, except that I am making him happy.

    When I awoke from this dream it seemed like a complete metaphor for my life.

    How I will be a whore for another and I will do so to spare another pain, I will abuse my body for the sake of others.

    It stayed with me this ugly dream on Christmas day.

    Its contents a visual of how I navigated life in co-dependency, how I will use my body in two ways for the pleasure of others and to spare pain for the innocent, to protect them I will abuse to my body.

    How others use my body was clearly displayed with my approval and willingness.

    Perhaps I needed that shocking dream to wake me up to how I get lost in another’s life.

    And what was so telling was the age of this young girl, as I caught sight of her in the rearview mirror, very blonde hair and young body, her flat chest, being strong beyond her years, willing to suffer for another.

    Courageously selflessly boldly the sacrificial lamb.

    Perhaps I don’t have images of my child abuse, but this is as close as it gets.

    And what I feel was that I truly didn’t focus on his deed and my pain, but his happiness and who I spared.

    What began at the moment of abuse was the fragmentation of living life for self.

    It is there my responsibility gene was developed and pruned, where I became the pleaser and the saver.

    Where I stopped caring for me.

  • Shoes Custom Made For Me.

    This morning I awoke from another dream, a dream where I left two young children alone, sleeping, and I was at a lake enjoying the water, the air, the sunshine, and when I realized what I had done, I began going back to help them.

     

    In the dream, it takes a really really long time and the whole while I am worried about what trouble they have gotten into, if they are safe, could I be lucky enough to get there in time, and how did I forget and how could I be so irresponsible, who will know, will I be in trouble, berating myself for not doing better, and in sheer panic will they be lost.

     

    Now, just like the ‘Affair’ dreams, these child dreams pop up often a couple of times a week.

     

    Different scenario, but same theme; children and me being irresponsible leaving them in a precarious state or children out of control and me being responsible, either way I am losing.

     

    I wondered why I was dreaming so much about young children, little kids that couldn’t take care of themselves, needy children, really needy children and their parents would be off to the side oblivious.  Or I would find myself babysitting way too many kids and not know how that happened, the dream just starts with me in charge of way too many little kids, so many I can’t keep track.

     

    The feelings of these dreams are what strike me; how they depict feelings I had when I was such a young girl, feelings of being in control but irresponsible or responsible and not in control.

     

    No matter which way you look at it, it was never right.

     

    Saying it was never right, is right.  I was too young to be expected to be responsible for the things I was left being responsible for.

     

    It is the feelings that are trying to be expressed.  In my dreams I am expressing my lacks, my efforts up against the odds that were stacked high against me, the moments of being free, to only realize I was left in charge and I left, which plummets me into panic.

     

    My mother used to say I was a second mother, which maybe I was, but what I really was was a little girl who couldn’t be a mother.

     

    I was too little to be doing what I was asked to do, for I was still a little girl, one who had to put aside little girl dreams, little girl play, little girl life, and try flopping around in mother shoes.

     

    The mother shoes were too big, held too much responsibility and no matter how hard I tried, I never was able to pull it off.  I failed at being a mother, and while trying so hard to mother, my little girl life slipped away.

     

    This is the catch 22 that I have lived. Not a mother and not a child, sitting in the nowhere land between.

     

    Expressing myself in my dreams, recognizing the awful place I stood upon in my childhood, I don’t believe at the time, while resentful sure, I still didn’t fully comprehend the states I was left in, the age of myself and the ages of the children around me, and the absence of the mother.

     

    In the years I should have been a carefree child, I was burdened with a heavy load, add to that load the horrendous incest from my father, it is no wonder I didn’t skip along in patent leather shoes.

    My childhood shoes and the feelings attached to them are the strings that are being undone.

     

    I feel like now I can take off those floppy ill-fitting mother shoes, and find a pair that suits me.

     

    The little girl shoes will no longer fit, the time has passed for those, you really can’t go back.

     

    It is time for me to find my own pair of shoes, ones that are perfect for me, ones that will fit my age, my soul and my journey, shoes custom made for me!

     

     

  • It Best Not Be Me!

    I am irresponsible with my Light, with my self, with my body, with all the giggles, delight and pleasures, inspiration, free spirit feelings, art, my peace, my joy and my love, I leave them to suffer with others!

     

    I am irresponsible in not wholly feeling, owning, and enjoying with abandon, me.

     

    “Enjoying with abandon” strikes me as an odd choice of words that came out.

     

    I literally do feel that I abandon ‘someone’ if I simply and totally enjoy myself!  That it is wrong to focus on just me.  Just me

     

    Living my life separate and free. 

     

    How is it that I feel so much like I am abandoning others when I do this?

     

    The feeling of doing wrong while doing right has plagued me since I left my dysfunctional family.  It is the thread that has run through every thing.

     

    The abandoning I am doing is actually a good thing; I am separating myself, my life from themselves and their lives. 

    No one tells you that as you walk out of co-dependent behavior YOU will feel like you are abandoning him or her. 

     

    Abandoning, I had to go look up the definition.

     

    1.    leave somebody behind: to leave somebody or something behind for others to look after, especially somebody or something meant to be a personal responsibility

    2.    leave place because of danger: to leave a place or vehicle, especially for reasons of safety and without intending to return soon

    3.    renounce something: to renounce or reject something previously done or used

    Synonyms: dump, ditch, discard, dispose of, throw out, throw away

     

    The only reason I can feel like I am abandoning others is that I feel responsible for others.

     

    You simply can’t abandon something you are not responsible for!

     

    Yet each time I am sucked into feeling responsible for another’s feelings, I am abandoning my own feelings.

     

    If I have to abandon someone, it best not be me!

     

    “If I pick you up, I put me down!”

        Carl and Beth