Tag: running

  • The Images in our Minds

    "It is because of awareness that we know what is going on in consciousness.  It is because of consciousness that we know what is going on in mind.  Because of mind, we are aware of what is going with sensations. Because of sensations, we are aware of what is going on with the body.  Consequently, that which we are – that which is aware, that which we really mean by the ultimate "I" and the infinite Self, and that which is conscious – is operationally many levels removed from the body.  The interesting thing is that the body expresses and does what the minds holds.  One is subjected to what the mind believes.  In other words, the body, being like a puppet, is controlled by the mind, both consciously and unconsciously.  Few people realize he power of mind over body."  David Hawkins, Healing and Recovery.

    What amazes me continually, is the fact that so many people live lives unquestioning and firmly NOT wanting to know, to look at what was put in their minds and how?  Many are very content following blindly (unconscious) never daring to not follow meekly and without question. 

     I am not sure what brings or strengthens a person's awareness, but without awareness, your life gets left at the same level you were raised in.

    It seems awareness is the ability to question and research your past.

    And you know, the ones with the most to hide, research the least, question nothing and blindly face the future, never wanting to know, know, know what really went on.  Who did what to whom and how did it affect them.

    Parents who abused their children, are the ones firmly intent on letting the past go….letting their sins fade away.  They are the ones who fear questions of the past and fear awareness of what went on…and even worse, face the responsibility of their actions and how it then affected the young and impressionable who lived with them.

    Instead of looking deeply within themselves and their past, they focus intently on the future, like running away…yet they can't.

    Their past rides with them in the lives of their children.  The abuse program virus runs on.

    By not looking, you don't escape.  In fact, it is what keeps your mind in control, your failure to bring in awareness, allows the past to keep re-creating itself. 

    If you were born into a family of abuse and don't want to research it, you will then run on the same program set into place.  

    Somehow the vast majority of society believes that by not focusing on what happened, you will be set free…that you can live  your life forward, without exploring what was put into you.

    It is like you are running a software program to which you don't want to know its content.  Or, you want to believe you are running a wonderful program called loving kindness, when in fact it is one based on fear and abuse.

    There is no way in hell you can live in a home of abuse and come out with a program called love and caring.  NONE.  

    And unless you un-program what was given to you, what you soaked up living in that space, you will live your life with that program leading the charge.

    Running from the source of how you were programmed will not change the program.

    You literally are a software program and will have to change this program while its running in your mind.  Sorting through each untrue thought and switch it around.

    For what I am most certain of is that the child of abuse, in order to survive, changes the labels of emotions or doesn't record them at all.

    It makes a software program that doesn't record truth and reality.

    This illusions software is what it lives with. These are the glasses in which it sees the world. These are the backwards thoughts that live in its head.  The flipped upside down viewpoint of all things.

    We create this fake software in order to survive and it gets left running, unless we become aware of its wrongness.

    You can change locations, stop going to church, you can change clothes and houses, but the software continues to beat out its madness.  You can't change it by changing location.  You can only change it from the inside out.

    You have to see what is programmed and cancel it out.

    And those who will not see abuse, can't cancel it out. The abuse software then run their lives…it lives within them, it can't be out run…the virus isn't on the outside, it is in your head.

    Abuse isn't something out there. Abuse is living with a software program that is the opposite of reality.

    Imagine if you will, if children didn't depend upon their parents in order to survive, do you believe that they would simply allow themselves to be beaten, raped and fondled and be okay with it???

    We have to change the program inside for we can't change the outside. We are forced to live in an alternate universe and get lost there.

    We lose our way back to reality…

    Running away physically will not correct this program.  It is like changing the screen the projector is shining upon.  There is nothing wrong with the screen, but the projector is playing a movie called illusion.

    We say the opposite of what we feel….a film about what isn't our truth.

    In my experience, truth re-programed me.  

    What a parent who is abusing their child fears the most, is that we won't stay programmed, that we will awaken and become aware…that we will truly see and begin to untangle the mess…

    For when we do, our world flips and so do the images in our minds.

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    (Photograph by Hannah Jukuri)

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • I Run, Because you can’t.

    “There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting.”
    Buddha

    I felt the loneliness today of my Aunt who ran away. A woman I never met, yet I feel we are one.

    I felt her sadness of being misunderstood and unknown, how her choice to save herself, sentenced her to a life alone outside of her family.

    Ostracized for escaping, for saving ourselves, for walking free of abuse, we are not cheered, no clapping instead we are jeered with sarcasm.

    I never ever thought my harshest critics would be from my own family, they are forever punching the already weakened psyche.

    The Little girl within feels so sad, empty of words to make them see.

    Today I wondered about my Aunt and her life, how she survived without contact from her family, yet like me the family she missed is the same one that brings her pain.

    The intellectual part of me understands that the energy they bring me isn’t healthy, but my heart yearns for acceptance, for understanding and even empathy.

    Like missing the stick that is poking you in the eye.

    I have more empathy for folks who are set aside because of who they are, parts of themselves they cannot change.

    Maybe because my Aunt disappeared and no one spoke her name that I want there to be words about me.

    Perhaps this blog is a way that I too will not just simply disappear without a trace. (www.imperfectlady.typepad.com)

    In the first few days of my father being accused of criminal sexual conduct, I wrote.

    I wrote in disbelief, I wrote the words to anchor myself somewhere, to hold me in the sea of grief.

    Writing is evidence of my journey.

    I have kept all written communications from my family as evidence. I know that is an odd word to use.

    It was the evidence I needed to sort out which one of us was in reality and which one wasn’t.

    My mental mind fought a long hard battle up against reality and in reality there are written words from a family who is not cheering me.

    In as much as I want them to be cheering, what I needed more were their words of mental ness to shine the way out.

    Maybe in the end their shouts of sarcasm are cheering me forward.

    They are showing me there is nothing for me back there.
    They were showing me how not to be.
    Showing me how far I have come.

    I feel the energy of my runaway aunt; she joins me in spirit as I run along, lending me her courage and strength. I feel the spirit of many little girls whose time ran out, who were too empty to begin, I run for you.

    I run towards wholeness with truth at my side.
    I feel you with me as I run.

    The refrain “you are the wind beneath my wings” came to mind.

    I am so grateful I was able to run away.
    I am so not alone.
    All little girls everywhere who suffered like I, I run for you.
    I run, because you can’t.

  • What you can reach!

    I love women who inspire me, who show me how to reach beyond your normal reach and succeed where you are unsure of succeeding.

     

    The same week my boss turned 50, she completed her first Copper Man Triathlon, swimming ½ mile, biking 23 miles and then running 5, and she completed it under 3 hours, her goal!

     

    During her training period she discovered that she loves to swim, that it isn’t that scary to run on the ski trails in the woods, alone and that if you do the work, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. 

     

    The sense of achievement, sense of self-pride and excitement still glows within her a week and a half later!  “I did it,” she said, “I really did it!”

     

    I love that she showed us how to stretch, reach and then grab on to something you think is out of your reach.

     

    Stretch and you will be surprised what you can reach!