I M Perfect lady

Tag: season

  • Almost Ruined Christmas

    This Christmas finds me in a different spot, a place of being too tired to care about Christmas, where joy and love and peace would be found not having Christmas.

    It isn’t so much Christmas itself, but that I am the one to create the Christmas feeling and I am too tired to be of good cheer.

    It is like Santa lost his jolly.

    The desire and spirit within me has faltered along with my lost energy, and I feel the weight of responsibility to carry it all.

    Not sure why, perhaps because in the past I had the time and the know how, I simply did it.

    Now that woman is gone, she went to work.

    She is unavailable to whip up Christmas on the side.

    And I feel the pressure to bake, not the joy.
    I feel forced to do things I used to enjoy.
    It isn’t pleasure now, but added work.

    I found myself unprepared.

    Maybe it is time for traditions to change or be passed on.

    Fighting with, instead of succumbing to, what is.

    Letting go of orchestrating the family Christmas and bringing in new recruits.

    My new santa makers leave everything til the last, for there are still four days, I was told yesterday. I guess in a young person’s eyes, that is a long time.

    I think I will have to re-adjust my way of doing Christmas, it will be more inclusive and I will take a back seat.

    I just can’t lose my spirit for Christmas.

    Instead I will change the traditions, letting many of them go, bring in simpler things that keep the spirit alive.

    After all, a cookie is a cookie, and it is insane to think it will matter if it arrives or not for Christmas.

    So, we will be joyful with whatever we accomplish in the next three days. I must relax and let the it be as it will be.

    It will be much better than having a grumpy lady in our home for Christmas.

    And let me tell you, I was grumpy last night trying to be a Christmas baker after a long heavy day of mail.

    No more.

    We now have some grumpy cookies and if that is all that happens I am fine.

    Much better to be happy than grumpy with the trimmings.

    The trimmings got a hold of me and almost ruined Christmas.

  • Christmas Joys

    My Christmas’s of old had a huge agenda to fulfill, they had to bring magic and make belief, and they had to make me feel better. It was like waiting for the elixir or medicine bringing love, peace and joy.

    Waiting for a gift that would change my life or a gift from the least likely person, great changes hung in the air.

    The season of Christmas had the power to make right a life that was way off kilter.

    Or the feverish hope that if I could create the perfect Christmas season, life would fall into place.

    Christmas had a sleigh load of expectations, loaded up by me.

    Yesterday, I felt the absence of this manic desire, it seemed that Christmas had lost its fever.

    It was like my life no longer needed this magic, that Christmas or no Christmas I was way okay.

    I am not in the need of gifts that shout, “I love You,” or trees that must hold the joy of the season, or that the stockings are hung, pleading for attention.

    There doesn’t seem to be anything missing in my life that Christmas can fulfill.

    The Christmas tree stands alone in its glory, smelling delicious with ornaments from years long ago, a bright presence of joy, matching joys I have inside.

    Whether I bake Christmas goodies or not, my home will maintain its steady calm atmosphere, relaxed and homey.

    It was shocking and delightful to know that there wasn’t anything we needed to make this season bright.

    The brightness of the season lives here all year long.

    The contrast between the two Christmases is unreal.

    To add Christmas to life that was so upside down is like adding a bow to confusion and expecting it to unravel like magic.

    What a wonderful feeling to have a Christmas without an agenda, to just be with the Christmas joys…