I M Perfect lady

Tag: see

  • Gateway Into Self

    A blog called, Brave Girls Club, has a wonderful story about wearing signs, or the lack there of at;

    http://www.bravegirlsclub.com

    As I pondered which signs I am hiding or what I am not revealing it occurred to me that a sign was hung upon my neck, when my father’s truth hit the daily news.

    His past hung heavy around my neck.

    A sign I did not want to wear.

    His sign and my sign were puzzle pieces, they went together, he was a pedophile and I was his victim.

    Yet the sign wasn’t hung upon me until a niece spoke up and her words matched my feelings, and now I had a sign as proof.

    What an awkward, clumsy, shameful, disgusting sign, I had to wear.

    It was this sign that all turned away from, old friends became strangers, acquaintances dodged me, my sign didn’t fit into many relationships.

    The sign entered into the room before me, it over shadowed any cute outfit I wore, there was no way to hide or dress it up, It was exposed.

    Sadly some signs are not given the same considerations as most.

    In the first blushes of wearing this sign, I stood alone.

    Me and my new sign not knowing how to stand, to walk and carry myself with this new found history, I soon seen how I was someone to steer clear of.

    It is so interesting that some signs gain many friends and tons of support, while other signs are shunned and feared, their darkness too dark to approach.

    Standing up in those early days, with the weight of the devastation upon me, the sign nearly collapsed my spirit.

    Surprisingly that by having had to walk alone, I have more strength, not less.

    I still wear my sign, it will not go away, it and I are one, my past is me, and I am it.

    Some signs are the gateway into self.

  • Building me on Reality

    What has stayed with me from reading “The Four Agreements” the companion book, by Don Miguel Ruiz, is that our faith in something means more than the ‘something’.

     

    Simply holding tightly to faith at all costs.

     

    I had to look up the meaning of Faith.

     

    A belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof

     

    “Trust in somebody or something without LOGICAL proof.”

     

    It isn’t even logical, but we hold on to our faith and many times it is a fog that stands separated from reality, that when you dissect it, you find nothing.

     

    My strong sense of faith that I had for 46 years melted away when I discovered that what I had been faithful to, was a figment of my imagination and it didn't hold up in reality.

     

    In reality, in the cold glare of truth, my faith in them didn’t change them; it actually shielded reality from me.

     

    Faith stood in the way of me seeing what I needed to see.

     

    In my experience, my faith stood between reality and me.  I built a wall that I could not see beyond, it kept me blind to what I needed to see.

     

    Blind Faith.

     

    My faith in my parents overshadowed who my parents were, in fact my faith in them didn’t allow me to investigate or question, I simply focused on my faith. 

     

    I had faith in my mother. 

    I had faith in my father.

    I had faith in my family. 

    I had a deep unquestioning faith.

     

    What came crashing down that winter day in 2004 was my faith.

     

    I lost my faith.

     

    I lost what I trusted.

     

    I lost what I had built up around me.

     

    When my faith evaporated, all that I was left with was stark reality.

     

    It is like taking off the rosy glasses, eliminating the fluffy white cotton that surrounds your feelings, and to be stripped to the bear raw nerves of what is real, without sugar coating to see where you placed your faith in.

     

    I was irresponsible with my faith.

     

    The only place for my faith now, is in reality.

     

    I have faith with reality, I trust reality, I want to sit square with it, to feel its beauty no matter what it is.

     

    Aligning my faith with reality seems like such a no-brainer.  But it wasn’t until my faith was shattered that I discovered how false I was, and then I had to begin the task of rebuilding me.

     

    This time I am building me on reality.