I M Perfect lady

Tag: soul

  • Right For You.

    I read a wonderfully inspiring book at the Beach House, “Unraveled” by Maria Housden.

     

    She writes about a conversation she had with her dad about the choices she made that went against conventional thinking, but that spoke to her soul.

     

    “I heard the screen door behind me open.  Turning, I saw my father, holding two glasses of lemonade, coming toward me.

    “Do you mind if I join you, honey?” he asked.

    “Not at all, I’d love it,” I said.

     

    Perching at the edge of the stoop, he handed me one of the glasses.  I took sip, savoring the tangy sweetness in my mouth before swallowing.  My father cleared his throat.  I looked at him, realizing now that he had an ulterior motive in joining me.  I remained silent wondering what he was going to say.

     

    “Marie, I need to tell you something.”  He said finally.  My heart leaped into my throat. Suddenly I was ten years old, anticipating a scolding. My father addressed me by my first name only when it was really serious or important.

     

    “I want to talk with you about your life and the decisions you’ve made and are making.”  He cleared his throat again and took a sip of lemonade.  My heart was now thudding in my chest.  I willed myself to stay focused on my father’s words.  “What I have to say,” he continued, “isn’t just about you and your children.  It’s also about my mother.”

     

    His mother!  Although he had always found it painful to speak of her, I knew that my father had always loved his mother deeply.  For years had kept a large, framed photograph of her on top of the table in his office. I could see her image now, in my mind, a dark-haired woman with pale skin, full lips, and deep feeling eyes, wearing formal-looking, light-colored suit with a wide-brimmed hat.  I knew from what I had overheard as a child that she was quiet, soft-spoken woman who had been loved by everyone who knew her, and the wife of a doctor, my father’s father, an intense, emotionally abusive, alcoholic man.  The source of my father’s profound sorrow was that she had died in the hospital of cancer when my father was sixteen, before my father and his brothers were even told she was sick.

     

    My father was speaking, “Honey, I want you to know that, in terms of the decisions you’ve made in your life this past year, even the difficult one you’re considering now, I think your doing the right thing.  It hasn’t been easy, I know, to have the kind of courage you’ve had. But those of us who love you, and especially Will, Margaret, and Madelaine, it is wonderful to see you putting yourself out there.  God gives each of us talents to express.  Whose right is it to limit the expression of those gifts?  I feel lucky to have you as a daughter, and I will always be committed to instilling in you your right to excel.”

     

    I wanted to cry, my heart swelling with gratitude and relief, but my father was not done.

     

    “This has always been a man’s world,” he continued. “And no one knew that more than my mother. But she didn’t have the strength to do what you’re doing. She put up with a lot of unhappiness and abuse, and it killed her.”  He hesitated.  I waited. “What I have to say next might sound strange to most people, but I am sure you will understand.  I still feel my mother.   Her presence has always been a part of my life. And what I feel in relation to her now is that the decisions you’re making as a woman are not only helping you and your children.  Your decisions are also healing her.”

     

    I was stunned. I had never heard my father speak like this.  As he words sank into my bones, I felt my need to be perfect in his eyes melting. I knew then that I had to be willing to endure the disapproval of others in order to be everything I was capable of being.  My father had reminded me that not only was I responsible to my own life and the lives of my children, but I was responsible to every woman who had come before me and to those who would come after, who needed to be reminded, as I once had, that they are deserving and capable of more.

     

                Maria Housden

     

    I loved this book for it showed not only the courage it takes to go against society, friends and family to do what feels right to you, but also the delights in doing what you feel is right.

     

    Right for you.

     

  • Take Care Of You!

    “If you had to take care of yourself, as you take care of others, what would you do for yourself?”  This question was asked on Oprah’s Soul Series on Sirius Radio as she spoke with Geneen Roth.

     

    The woman they were talking to had no idea what she could do to spoil herself, what would make her feel good, what one thing would make her happy, it had been so long since she took the time for self.

     

    Time for self doesn’t have to be long or expensive, but it has to be something that excites your insides, makes your belly smile, bring a tickle to your being.

     

    After 50 years of taking care of others, while my inner tank ran dry, I am learning that in order to give to others, I have to give to myself first.

     

    Doing yoga each day is a way to serve my body and soul, reconnecting me to the Universe and to my breath.  It feels so good to do this for myself, for no one benefits more than I in yoga.

     

    Taking the time and spending more on whole foods, real food, and learning how to eat better, again…no one benefits more than I when I eat better.

     

    The more conscious I am in how I treat myself, the more ways I find treat me!

     

    What I love the most is that deep within me I feel deserving of serving myself, of treating myself, of loving myself of taking the time to love myself enough!

     

    There was a small book, called “When I love myself enough”…and in it had ways in which you can do this.

     

    I would love to hear how you love yourself enough?

     

    What is so sad is that the many who don’t take the time, need it the most, it is a cycle that needs to be broken by you. 

     

    Do one thing each day to take care of you!

  • Ultimately you are the one in control.

    In “Reinventing The Body and Resurrecting The Soul, Deepak has a chapter called, In Your Life: Creating Your Own Epiphany.  Here is part of it. It is long but very interesting to read.

     

    “ It’s unfortunate that the word epiphany is limited to a religious context.  People assume that epiphanies are about God and occur only to saints.  An epiphany is really a mini-breakthrough.  One piece of conditioning is shattered.  Instead of being a victim of a rigid belief, you feel released.  What causes such a mini-breakthrough?  You have to shift your attention to the soul, because that is the aspect of yourself that is not conditioned.  The soul represents higher awareness in that sense- it is free from all conditioning.  Or, to put it the most simply, the soul never says no.  Anything is possible.  Whatever can be imagined comes true.  If you can keep your attention on your soul, you will experience an epiphany every day.  Instead of no you will experience unlimited yes.

     

    To get beyond the power of no is crucially important.  No is very convincing.  People reject all kinds of experiences because they believe it’s right to reject.  They oppose because they can’t bring themselves not to.  The spell of no holds them so strongly that little else matters.  Some concrete example will help here, then we will see how each one can be reversed.

     

    Getting past no.

     

    ·     You must break the spell when your mind:

    ·     Tells you that people can’t change

    ·     Keeps you trapped in rigid habits

    ·     Traps the mind in obsessive thoughts

    ·     Creates craving that cannot be appeased

    ·     Puts up fear as a threat if you try to break free

    ·     Forbids you to have certain thoughts

    ·     Makes natural urges seem illicit or dangerous

     

    It takes mini-breakthroughs to get past the power of no because there is so much negativity to overcome in so many areas. But in each area the same principal holds:  to make life easier, you need to stop doing whatever it is your doing. I know this sounds terribly general, but in reality if you were doing the right thing, you would be in contact with your soul already, and your life would be unfolding day by day, on the principal of yes.  So you have to stop what your doing and shake things up. 

    Now let’s look at the specific areas where the power of no needs to be dislodged.

     

    Negative belief #3:  Obsessive thoughts are in control.  Most people don’t think they are obsessive. They identify obsessions with mental disorders, when in fact an obsessive-compulsive disorder is just an extreme variation on a universal condition.  Obsessions are yet another way that the power of no removes your ability to choose.  At any given moment you might obsess about keeping safe, avoiding germs, getting angry in traffic, spending money, disciplining your children, defeating terrorism- the possibilities are endless and ever-changing.  You can’t assume that a thought becomes an obsession only if it’s immoral, wrong or irrational.  One can obsess about things that society approves of and rewards.  We all know people who obsess about winning, or getting back at those who wrong them, or money, or ambition. By definition, an obsessive thought is one that’s stronger than you are.  That’s where the power of no does its damage.

     

    From the soul’s perspective, thinking is an expression of freedom.  The mind isn’t compelled to prefer one thought over another.  Much less is the mind a machine programmed to repeat the same message over and over.  What keeps us trapped in repetition is the belief that “I must think this way.”  Other alternatives are closed off by fear, prejudice, self-interest, and guilt.  To break out of obsessive thinking, you must examine this deeper level where “I must” holds sway.

     

    ·     Don’t struggle against thoughts that keep repeating themselves.

    ·     When people tell you that you keep doing the same thing, believe them.

    ·     Don’t accept that always winning, always being number one, or always doing anything is productive.

    ·     Don’t pride yourself on consistency for consistency sake.

    ·     If you feel trapped by an obsession, ask yourself what  your afraid of.  Repetition is a mask for anxiety.

    ·     Stop rationalizing.  Put your attention on how your thoughts feel, not what they say.

    ·     Be honest about the frustration you feel with have the same idea over and over.

    ·     Don’t defend your prejudices

    ·     Take active steps to reduce stress, which is the major cause of obsessions.  Under stress, the mind keeps repeating the same thing because it isn’t relaxed or open enough to find an alternative.

    ·     Through meditation, seek the level of your mind that isn’t obsessed, that has no fixed ideas.

     

    Negative belief #4 Cravings can never be appeased. 

    When cravings keep returning, they force you either to give in or resist (the futility of this struggle was touch on earlier) The power of no insists that you have no alternative.  Once again, a repetitive pattern imprinted on the brain overrides free choice.  Your craving takes on a life of its own, and if taken to extremes, it becomes an addiction.  The difference has to do with just how limited you become.  Someone who craves chocolate can’t resist eating some, but if addicted, they would eat nothing else.  Even in its milder forms, however, craving can make you feel that you have no other choice.

    From the soul’s perspective, a craving is another example of a shortcut imprinted on the brain.  The person who always eats chocolate has made an implicit choice that chocolate is the best kind of sweet, and therefore, instead of his bothering every time to consider a variety of sweets, he chooses chocolate automatically. But setting your mind on autopilot doesn’t mean that you can’t change it.  The option to reset your reactions always exists.  Under the spell of no, you willingly gave up that option, but anything you give up you can also reclaim.

     

    ·     When a craving arises, don’t make it an either/or choice.

    ·     Instead of either giving in or resisting, do one of the following:  walk away, postpone your choice, find a distraction, pause and watch yourself, or substitute another pleasure.

    ·     Don’t’ think of defeating your craving. Think instead that you are gradually erasing an imprint.

    ·     When you feel discouraged for giving in, be with your feelings instead of pushing them away.

    ·     Realize why appeasing a craving never works: you can never get enough of what you didn’t want in the first place.

    ·     Find out what you really want, whether it’s love, comfort, approval, or security. These are the basic needs that cravings try to substitute for.

    ·     Pursue your real need. If you do, the craving will automatically lose its grip and in time will vanish.

    ·     If for any reason you can turn away from your old craving, seize the moment, even if your craving soon returns.  Every small victory imprints your brain in a new pattern.  Don’t see this as a temporary victory – see it as a sign that you can find the switch that turns your craving off.

     

    Negative Belief #5: Fear keeps you from being free.

    The power of no uses fear as its enforcer.  Like a hired gun, it holds a threat that is merciless and indifferent.  Under the spell of no, the mind finds any and every reason to be afraid.  The simplest things become objects of anxiety.  The most unlikely risks loom as dangers that can befall you at any moment.  When you find yourself in a defensive posture, you have denied yourself the most basic freedom, which is to be safe in the world.  It’s not the external threat that creates this situation.  We project our fixed beliefs onto every situation, so feeling safe or unsafe becomes a personal decision.

     

    From the soul’s perspective, you are always safe.  The universe cherishes your existence.  Nature is designed to uphold your well-being.  If you find yourself under threat, it can be quite realistic to assess the danger and escape it.  But if you are paralyzed by anxiety, the threat becomes inescapable.  Some one with fear of heights, for example, finds it impossible to climb a stepladder.  The danger of falling doesn’t prevent other people from climbing the ladder, because they are free to access that the risks are small.  But a phobia takes away the freedom to access danger realistically; fear acquires absolute power, the power of no.  To get beyond a phobia, you must call its bluff and reassert that you are safe.

    ·     Don’t fight your fears when you are actually afraid.

    ·     When you feel calm and safe, call your fear to mind so that it can be examined.

    ·     Fear is convincing, but that doesn’t make it right.  Make sure you can see this distinction.

    ·     Anxiety tends to obsess about reasons to be afraid, stoking its own fire. Don’t be fooled by repetition.  A situation doesn’t become dangerous just because you keep thinking it is.

    ·     Separate the energy of fear from the content of your experience.  Instead of worrying about the thing that makes you anxious, go directly to the feeling of anxiety and move the energy as you would any other, through physical release, toning, meditation, and other techniques.

    ·     Realize that you are not basically afraid.  Fear is a passing emotion that can be released.

    ·     Know that you have a choice to either hold on to fear or let it go.  If you feel anxious, take immediate steps to let go. Don’t dwell on fear or try to reason with it.

    ·     Avoid blaming yourself.  Fear is universal.  It is felt by the bravest strongest people.  To be afraid doesn’t mean you are weak.  It means you haven’t yet let go.

    ·     Be patient with yourself. Fear and anxiety are the biggest obstacles for everyone. Be thankful and congratulate yourself every time you overcome fear.

    ·     Don’t consider it a defeat if fear returns. The time will soon come when you can sit calmly and move the energy of fear.  Ultimately you are the one in control.

    Deepak Chopra

     

     

  • The Bond Strengthens

    A little bit of trust is showing, a tad of self-control, and even some owning of determination, I have completed 19 days heading in the direction of reinventing this body into becoming a physically strong and healthy one.

     

    I am just on the beginning curve, just rounded the corner, and I am feeling that I can do this, that IT is possible. I caught a glimpse of my soul in my eyes today; we are taking back this body.

     

    While reading Deepak Chopra, “Reinventing The Body, Resurrecting The Soul,” he states;

     

    “Without a doubt, the body needs reinventing. To have a meaningful life, you have to use your body – you can’t experience anything without one – and so your body should be meaningful, too.  What would give your body its highest meaning, purpose, intelligence, and creativity?  Only the sacred side of our nature. This led me to the phrase, “resurrecting the soul.”  I am hesitant to use religious terms because they are loaded with emotional baggage, but soul is unavoidable.  Ninety percent of people believe they have a soul, and that it gives their lives ultimate meaning.  The soul is divine; it connects us to God.  Insofar as life contains love, truth, and beauty, we look to our soul as the source of those qualities; it’s no accident that a perfect love is called a soul mate.

     

    There is constant feedback between the soul and body. We invented the separation between the two, and then came to believe that separation was real.

     

    You may object that you’ve never felt ecstatic or sensed the presence of God.  This simply reflects our narrow conception of soul, confining it to religion.  If you look into the wisdom of traditions of every culture, you will find that the soul has other meanings.  It is the source of life, the spark that animates dead matter.  It creates the mind and emotions.  In other words, the soul is the very foundation of experience. It serves as the channel for creation as it unfolds in every second.  What makes these lofty ideas important is that every thing the soul does is translated into a process in the body.  You literally cannot have a body without the soul.  This is the forgotten miracle.  Each of us is a soul made flesh.”   Deepak

     

    I love the line, “You literally cannot have a body without the Soul.”  Yet for so long I wasn’t aware of my soul, or that my soul had a life that was separated from that of my parents, their beliefs and life patterns. 

     

    Bikram and Deepak are in agreement, that the body runs the best when the Soul is in the driver’s seat, when the mind takes a backseat.

     

    My Spirit is tentative at the wheel; unsure and wondering, having rode so long silently in the back.

     

    Who knows where we will go, what we will do, what experiences are yet for me to experience, but how awesome to be with this delightful driver!

     

    “Life is meant to be a complete experience.  People keep struggling with problems both physical and mental, never suspecting the root cause:  that the bond between body and soul has been severed. I wrote this book in the hope of restoring that bond.  I’m as eager and optimistic as the first day I used my scalpel to uncover the mysteries waiting under the skin, only now my optimism extends to the spirit as well.  The world needs healing.  To the extent that you wake up your soul, humankind is waking up the world’s soul.  It may yet happen that a wave of healing will sweep over us, a small wave at first, but one that could swell beyond all expectations in a single generation.”  Deepak

     

    I am feeling the tentative hold of my soul and body connecting.  Each time I do yoga, the bond strengthens.

     

  • A Perfect You.

    “No matter how difficult and painful it may be, nothing sounds as good to the soul as the truth.”

               Martha Beck

     

    To sit in the middle of truth and go with the flow of it, although difficult and painful, is so much easier and better on your body and soul than trying to fight it.

     

    You suffer no matter what, but I would much rather suffer in the truth than to suffer pretending it isn’t happening!

     

    My brother’s yoga teacher said to them yesterday, “Let Go of the Suffering (and go with the flow)”

     

    The flow is as it is; you are where you are, and not a moment sooner or later.

     

    As we begin the 60-day yoga challenge, don’t try and bring your body where it is not ready to go, face each posture with your level of limberness and strength, be okay right where you are and have patience with your body and little by little it will bring you further into the posture.

     

    Don’t suffer wishing you were further, don’t hurt your body trying to bend push and stretch it beyond its comfort.  Remember to breathe in each pose, if you lose the breath, you maybe reaching out too far.

     

    We will build upon the foundation of where you are today, to learn how to stand and lock your knees like a solid lamppost unbroken.

     

    If you try and skip the locked knee, your pose will be shaky and unsteady or reliable.

     

    There are so many metaphors between this yoga and life, slow down and focus on you.

     

    You will watch your body change and strengthen, balance and become limber, flowering into a perfect you.