I M Perfect lady

Tag: tragedy

  • Action where it matters.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=1306580,b=facebook

    The link above is by a woman who truly understands how tragedy happens…it isn't about the lack of gun laws, nor is it about there being no religion or God association in schools, it is about the delicate balance of the human mind.

    It is about mental illness.  It is about the fact that it isn't easily treated as it would be to change the laws about guns.  It would be easier to put the Pledge of Allegiance back in the schools, compared to coming face to face with dealing successfully with an imbalanced mental health of a child.

    For some reason, it is easier to not look at mental illness.  Yet we all say, "who in their right mind would do such a thing?"  The key is they are not well.  The are no winners in this. The child who is out of control is equally a tragedy.  

    I can't even begin to imagine living the life of this mother…to have a child whose brilliance is so bright and his darkness so dark.  Who do you love and support? Knowing when you lock up the darkness, his sensitive brilliance is compromised.

    As long as we talk about guns and not the mental illnesses and the lack of support and help for this mother and family, we will be guaranteeing more tragedies to come.  We are not learning our lessons.

    Guns are not the problem. God in schools will not be the answer to the mental illnesses that are plaguing these children.  We need to have clarity on where the real root of with these incidences lay.

    These children and their parents are both screaming for help and we are turning them away for there is no room, no program, no solution…etc. 

    Stop looking at the guns and start looking at these children.

    It seems horrific that prison is the answer…and that we don't see the child behind the gun…until it is far far too late.

    We are smarter than how we act.  It would be like banning cars due to drunk driving.

    What can we learn?  How can we help the boys/girls with mental illness…what can we do to save them from themselves…which in turn will stop these tragedies from happening.

    It isn't that these children are out of control, but we are.  We are literally spending time and words arguing about guns. We are not in control when we believe that guns and the lack of God in schools will stop a child with mental illness from acting out the only way his mind will let him.

    He needs us to get back in control.

    Controlling how we see the problem…

    Humanity as a rule sees what it wants to see and disregards the rest. And the rest, is where the solution lies.

    I get this maddening desperation of the mother….while everyone speaks of guns and the lack of God in schools, she has a child out of control.  

    She knows changing gun laws will not stop her son.

    She knows using the word God in school or adding prayer, will not change her son.

    It is time we all see what she sees…and put action where it matters.

  • Moral Wrong Doing

    I looked up the meaning of Innocence yet again, and it says, “Freedom from sin or moral wrong.”

    Freedom from sin and moral wrongdoing…to be free of engaging in such behavior is to be innocent once again?

    To be free of moral wrong doing…

    This meaning has more of an impact to me as a mother watching her daughter who is newly freed from an abusive relationship.

    I love that you can return to the state of innocence when you leave the moral wrong doing.

    Another meaning is,
    ”It can also refer to a state of unknowing, where one’s experience is less than that of one’s peers, in either a relative view to social peers, or by an absolute comparison to a more common normative scale.”

    I love this meaning as well, for it implies the state of unknowing due to the lack of experience.

    What I knew to a DNA level was that my daughter was at a disadvantage that her experience level was sorely lacking, where she was like a babe in the woods.
    Isn’t it interesting that you can become innocent when you are free from moral wrong doing or when you lack experience?

    My childhood religion’s set point was that we were all damaged goods that the body itself is filled with sin and our minds and thoughts riddled with landmines of moral wrongdoing, we were born not innocent.

    I believe this is totally the opposite.

    The church and its leaders were damaged goods, their psyche filled with feelings of unworthiness, and they preached from that standpoint.

    Many a parent preaches from their own private pulpit when they raise their children, we are seen from their lenses of self.

    I have viewed my children through many false lenses.

    I have seen them in the eyes of the church, the views of others, the fears within me, through my lacks and my moral wrongs, but I was able for the first time, sit with my daughter and see, feel and know her innocence.

    Being able to sit, as an innocent mother with an innocent daughter is a beautiful thing.

    I have seen myself and her both being locked in a dance of moral wrong doing, and then both of us being set free.

    My dance lasted 46 years, and then six years of intense inner inspection, seeking of self, looking at the world critically and with discerning eyes pleading for reality to show me who I am.Her dance was much shorter, but the lesson equally as meaningful.
    I would like to think that my bully pulpit of innocence shortened the time she had to suffer.

    That by me seeing me with clear eyes, I then had a better lens in which to see her.

    It is unbelievable yet believable, that my mother saw herself in me.

    This is why; “the sins of the father onto the children” make the children sinners. They don’t have a chance to make their own sins, for they follow what they are taught.

    Just the very clear and simple view of reality gets distorted, when no one knows what innocence is.

    The greatest tragedy of a dysfunctional family, isn’t that they don’t understand evil, it is instead that they have no idea what innocence feels like, what freedom tastes like, what love is.

    Love is innocent.

    Love is being free of moral wrong doing.

  • Peace Inside.

    It occurred to me yesterday, that I was like a ghost who refused to leave the scene of a tragedy, a tragedy that I died in, that I was not aware yet that I was dead, that I was lingering around waiting, not willing face it was over.

    Facebook allows me to have a portal into lives I am not a part of, and they in mine, without fully connecting in a real one on one, face to face, heart to heart, truth to truth, feelings to feelings, actions to actions, a real life body & soul connection.

    We are ghosts in each other’s lives.

    I am sure we can be haunted by these exchanges or we can be inspired.

    It occurred to me, what would happen if I did not have these portals what would I really know about my family, for in reality I don’t have body-to-body interactions?

    It is both a blessing and a curse to have this window into their worlds, I had thought that I was better off than Edna and Thelma, that I had this thread into their worlds, and now I am re-thinking that.

    What is it keeping alive?
    A relationship or the evidence that there isn’t one there?

    I am sure it is as hurtful to them as it is to me, the misunderstanding that cuts deeply each time we see their written words.

    Words online, the ghost connection, with great amounts of energy connected.

    It’s the energy I feel more than the words.

    The energy is alive and electric, cutting and decisive, very much a one-way street, no U-Turns here it screams.

    No one is willing to turn around and make a new choice, not me and not them.

    Our streets are running parallel but disconnected.

    A cement wall running between us broken now and again with facebook, a portal opens and we can see what the other is doing.

    Two roads.

    One road traveled by many, one road traveled by few.

    How can I know what it feels like to travel their road, I can’t. I can only write about mine.

    My road is leaving a family of dysfunction.
    Their road is traveling with family.

    Each of us took the road our hearts and souls directed.

    They say I chose this road, but the road chose me.

    A road that began as a very little girl…

    This road I am on was not an option then, but it was offered to me on December 4th.

    Something within me came alive, aware and alert; a voice of truth woke up.

    It spoke and I followed.

    The Universe and I walk this road, the road back to my true self.

    I am sorry we can’t agree, but it can’t be so, you can’t win the world and gain a soul.

    I know to the depth of my being you all can’t see and understand my walking, that what I say is hurtful and it is not intended to be, that my blog say things that don’t feel good, but guess what, the truth first hurt me.

    It hurt me to know what I had to know, to see what I had to see, to feel what I had to feel, yet in doing so it put me on the road to my soul.

    The soul of me, the spirit of my little girl is alive and well within me…even though this road is hard and misunderstood, it is the only road for me.

    I hope your road fills your soul, makes you dance and shine, gives you life and feeds your passion, that you are walking hand and hand with your truth. There is nothing more I can want for you is for you to be at Peace inside.