I M Perfect lady

Tag: unhealthy

  • Put a Happy Face on Hurt

    I had a saying that sat on my stove for years on a trivet, "Blessed are the Peacemakers, for they shall inherit the Earth."

    I was a young unmarried girl at the time I had gotten this as a gift, and the way I viewed it was that if you were the one to back down first or retract your wishes, it was a good thing, for it kept the peace.

    If you made things peaceful outwardly and held inside or covered up your true feelings, YOU Were a Peacemaker…for relationships settled back down.

    What I had failed to see at the time, was that while I was making outward peace, my insides were being crammed full of 'unexpressed true emotions', that I had 'settled' to calm things down.

    I had given up what I really needed to have peace.  

    I had silenced my truth feelings in order to get along.

    What I was doing was being a False Peacemaker, I was pretending to pretend that things were okay with me, when they were not.

    Oh, I can recall this feeling so perfectly, how the other person would be so happy to have her peacefulness restored, as I inwardly glowered in silence…while pasting on a happy face. 

    As I continued on into adult life, into married life I often times left arguments half done….my half was not resolved, but tucked away.

    My greatest fear was that IF I didn't acquiesce, all Holy Hell would break lose, that it was my job to keep the peace.

    Acquiesce – To accept something reluctantly, but without protest.  I had to look that up to make sure I had it right. RIGHT, OMG, that is the flavor of my first 46 years.

    Acquiesce is the perfect word to describe how I viewed being peaceful.  And here is the deal, I was the one who always had to give up 'something' AND do so without putting up a protest, to swallow silently….in order to maintain peace within our relationship.

    You have no idea how often I swallowed bitterness without protest.

    With a belly full of resentment and unspoken words and feelings I walked around 'believing' I was keeping the peace.

    What I was instead holding onto was a belly full of bitterness.

    Is that Love?

    Is that peaceful?

    Was I being even a bit authentic in my relations as I was waddling around chuck full of unresolved differences?

    When I stopped swallowing, but instead spit back my thoughts, my feelings and what I saw were our differences, my inner world began to lighten up, to feel so peaceful, while my outer world began to swirl in consternation.

    Where my mother used to see The Peacemaker, I became her Holy Hellion.  

    For you see, all the peacemaking efforts I had painfully swallowed in order to keep a loving mother and father, never produced that.  It was all for naught.  All I had done was to act in a play of pretending we all got along.

    I was the one who had made it worse.

    I was the one who hadn't spoken up.

    I was the one who kept it all a secret.

    I was the greatest pretender of all.

    I pretended that all the abuse didn't matter to me.

    I pretended to be unhurt, so we could have a family that didn't hurt.

    Yet, in the end….sadly and regretfully, all my siblings were hurt anyway.  All I had done was put a happy face on hurt…

     

     

  • Believe Them

    The Unhealthy Truth, by Robyn O’Brien and Rachel Kranz was discussed on Sirius Radio yesterday.  I have not read the book, but was intrigued by what she was saying.

    They were discussing the way our food here in the United States is compared to the way it is in countries with socialized health care, and it was shocking to hear.

    That in London, for instance, all the food is organic unless otherwise stated, there is a small section of foods that have things in them that are not good for the body.  In the USA, we have a small organic section and the rest has things in it that isn’t good for us….

    What she said, is that the Government regulator in England are very concerned about what their people are eating, for they are the ones paying for their health care.  In the USA, they are not paying for our health care so if we get diseases… it matters less or let’s say not at all.  And the health care business is Big Business.

    It was just interesting for me to hear the way the food is looked at by who is paying the medical bills.

    We are being manipulated and don’t even know it.

    I guess we all have to see to whose benefit is it to eat this way?

    It is like we are all being fed poorly so that at some point we will be funneled down into the system where we will pay them for the years of eating this way…they have us eating out of their hands.

    It seems odd that the poor food system is needed in order for the Medical Business to thrive, and we need to fail in order for them to succeed. 

    The insanity of this boggles the mind, that how in the world did our food source get so tainted without us moving a muscle, we allowed them to come in and flip it all upside down and backwards so we are eating poison, pretty much, in order for them to get a bad body to work on and charge insurance companies etc.

    Like cows to slaughter…except our worth is all the pills and surgeries it will take to keep us alive…when the food source is the one who is killing us.

    This insane cycle is the same kind that is in my old religion, they needed us to be worthless in order for them to come in and make us worthwhile. They lined the shelves with sins and said if I did them, then I would need their antidote, ‘the forgiveness of sins’…why not just not have sins.

    Why not just not have bad food?

    We buy into these systems. We believe in the sins, so we then need to believe in the words about forgiving them, to erase them.

    They put bad foods on the shelf, so that the medical care can fix us.

     Who would be hurt if we had only good food to eat?

    Who would be hurt if there were no such thing as sin?

    It gets you to wondering, how many other things we are doing wrong just so that the end game benefits someone? 

    What other unhealthy truths are out there?

    Who benefits from your actions and the way you believe?

    How much control do you have over your life?

    Isn't it an oxymoron, "Unhealthy Truths"?  Some truths will show you the insane sane system, and how unhealthy it is to believe them.