I M Perfect lady

Tag: vulnerability

  • I fear being closed up.

    "Anything we fear to lose – a home, a car, an attractive body, an agile mind, a deep belief – is a symbol of external power.  What we fear is an increase in our vulnerability.  This results in seeing power as external."  Gary Zukav, Seat of the Soul.

    The sentence about fearing an increase in our vulnerability really struck me.  Somehow I believe all choices boil down to this sentence.

    It isn't the actual change we fear, but the way it will open ourselves up to being vulnerable once again.  And the more you explore and peel back layers of your self, the more wide open you will feel.

    I had to go and look up the definition of Vulnerable. 

    "Susceptible to physical or emotional injury."  I was shocked to read that.  Are you not more susceptible to physical and emotional injury IN an Absive relationship, then if we were out?

    Yet, we fight or resist being vulnerable and in doing so you are more vulnerable while in those relationships, than working your way out.

    Another meaning was, "Open to attack, damage, assailable, vulnerable to critism, exposed."

    Again, it strikes me as not the meaning of vulnerable.  I thought vulnerable was to be wide open and soft.  Yet this meaning seems to be about opening yourself up for attack.

    No wonder no one wants to be vulnerable.

    I can see the two sides of vulnerablitiy.  However, just because you are wide open and exposed, it doesn't mean you will be attacked. To me, exploring the depths of abuse have made me wise to knowing what is abusive and what is not.

    The definitions of vulnerability also seem to come into play as you are trying to leave dysfunction; attacking and critism of your new ways.

    Very interesting to feel the wide scope of being Vulnerable.

    I feel more vulnerable; open, free and exposed and feel that is my greatest strength.  I no longer fear being vulnerable.  I fear being closed up.

  • Shine Once Again.

    “Children’s talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.” ~Maya Angelou

    I don’t know what to blog about the show with Oprah and 200 Adult Children of Sexual abuse, men whose boyhood was stolen and now their manhood too seems to be lost, they are left in a middle ground, no longer innocent and no longer able to be a man.

    What I heard was that sexual abuse leaves you feeling vulnerable.

    The definition of vulnerability is,

    “Susceptibility to attack or injury; the state or condition of being weak or poorly defended; a specific weakness in the protections or defenses surrounding someone or something.”

    Being susceptible to attack and injury is to be a child, especially one that isn’t being properly watched and cared for, being poorly defended…having a specific weak parent that can’t protect you.

    A weakness in a parent can be a simple as loving the predator, defending his goodness while the child’s experience is widely different.

    I have stood on both sides, the parent and the child, the blind and the unseen, the knowing and the unknowing, on both sides feelings are denied.

    Fears are pushed aside…children are left undefended, monsters go on labeled as father, feelings not felt.

    Blindness spreads.

    When I did see, damage lay all around.

    When I did feel, terror was the truth.

    When I did know I was cast out.

    Cast out for speaking, seeing and knowing abuse.

    As I watched these men, I know what they fear, they fear being cast out.

    Shunned for being abused.

    How is that right?

    How do we have this so upside down and backwards?

    What I know to be true is I was cast aside, my voice not wanting to be heard, what they want the most is for me to be unchanged, to appear like the picture of innocence all the men held.

    To just be me without the abuse.

    What an impossible task to attain… to not be abused while being abused.

    So each man stands in the impossible stance, abused while trying to not show the affects of it, yet the abuse has infected each part of their lives, there is no place that abuse doesn’t touch.

    Once you stand fully in being abused, you can then begin to see where abuse created a life instead of you.

    Exposing the abuse allows the innocence to shine once again.

    “In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche