I M Perfect lady

Tag: Wayne Dyer

  • If you don’t know…

    I heard Wayne Dyer speak of what we know, and the comparrison to what we don't know and yet how we live in the small place believing only in what we know.

    As I heard him talk about moving out of the small space of knowing into the mystery of unknown and live from there, it is exactly as I did with my daughter yesterday.

    Somehow, in my mind, I believed that I had to know what was best…and then give my advice in how to get there.  When in actuality, it is just a mind game, a place of believing you know, while the unknown is really alive and moving.

    When I fully embrace that I can't know, I am free.  It is only when I feel I am supposed to know and it is impossible to know, that I feel out of control.

    Yet if I fully embrace the out of controllness of unknowing I am free.

    Not sure if I can articulate this correctly, but the feelings inside are completely different.

    As a mother who FEELS she should know, and it is impossible to know, I feel anxiety and stress.

    As a mother who FEELS she can't know and doesn't know, she is totally at one with the mystery of the unknown.  I love that I am not supposed to know.

    I was okay not knowing where I was going, but somehow the mother part was still plugged into believing that I know, as far as my kids are concerned.

    It seemed like a careless mother to not know.  So much for the phrase, "Mother knows best…"

    What advice can you give if you don't know?

     

  • Wrong Places.

    "Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you" Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

     

     

    What I want to know is what will satisfy me as far as my mother goes?

     

    Funny, I thought I would be satisfied if she were to show all who she is, now today, and who she was all those years ago.  For her to show her insanity.

     

    She can’t be more visible, yet unseen! 

     

    What I failed to appreciate is that what I call insanity some see as sane! 

     

    Her actions are typical for her, so they see that their world hasn’t changed, they see their normal mom. 

     

    They find comfort in her unchanging ways.

     

    What leaves me breathless is that no one seems to care that she is staying in the same house with my father, the pedophile.  That this choice of hers isn’t insane.

     

    Their fabulous mother is simply stopping off in Dallas for a spell.  A normal event in their lives.

     

    How can your really overlook, look pass and around the fact that her husband wounded so many little girls?

     

    How is she not seen as insane or incredibly blind and disconnected for being able to be in the same space as him? 

     

    Two birds of the same feathers…

     

    My inability to shed a glimmer of light to show how off base her actions are leave me voiceless.

     

    How in the hell can I utter one word that will outshine her very own actions?

     

    Sadly being satisfied that your mother is insane doesn’t feel good, knowing that she is okay with the man who raped you leaves you reeling in thoughts and feelings.

     

    I wonder if us kids of incest are forever seeking to be satisfied in a way that is impossible to have?

     

    Is our own sanity jepordized by the fact that we still want something from our insane parents?

     

    Isn’t insanity trying to fix a problem at the same level at which it was created? (Einstien)

     

    If my satisfaction will only come when my insane parents make sane moves, I will be forever waiting.

     

    Accepting their insanity has been the hardest thing to do.

     

    Or is accepting that no loves lives there…

     

    Perhaps we are always on the look out for that little drop of love, just one little tiny dot.

     

    And all we see is more and more reasons how they don’t.

     

    How sad we subconsciously are waiting in hope.

     

    “Looking for love in all the wrong places….”

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  • A Present To Open!

    “Our relationship with the Present Moment defines our relationship with life itself”

                  Wayne Dyer

     

    The connection between how we relate to this moment is how we relate to life overall.

     

    How do you greet each present moment?  Do you find it bountiful or lacking?

     

    When the moment arises and presents itself to you, how do you react, what do you say to it?

     

    With each breath we take a new moment arrives, and how do you welcome it?

     

    What happens if we dismiss this time, if we are too busy planning for a time in the future, a present moment in the future, what happens to this time right here right now standing in front of you?

     

    What happens if you ignore this moment, turn a blind eye to the Now, planning on how you will or will not behave or be taken care of over there?  What happens to this little moment of newborn time standing here?

     

    The old saying “Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves,” is the same with seconds of time.

     

    If you take care of how you greet each second in time, your whole life will take care of itself.

     

    We can only live our life one second at a time, we can’t spend in the future and we can’t get back the past, those seconds we already spent or are not here yet.

     

    How many people are holding their breaths, enduring for the moment for a Heaven to come?  Folks working in jobs they hate for a retirement in later years, women married to a man who they hope will change in some distant future, mothers waiting for their children to grow up and away so they can have the freedom to be?

     

    It seems people are holding themselves hostage, kidnapping their lives today for a better life tomorrow.

     

    How does that work?

     

    I know that I used to be holding my breath wishing time would speed up and free me from my predicament.

     

    How backwards is that?

     

    Blaming time for going so slow, like how am I going to live like this for that long of time, never once thinking that I could be spending my time doing something I love, then time would be immaterial. 

     

    It isn’t time to blame, but how you spend your time.  Can you really blame time for your unhappiness?

     

    Time passes by, present moments go by you as you are holding life hostage for a better tomorrow, insanity at its best.

     

    Like ignoring this precious moment in time, stuffing it full of things you hate, so that you can live a better life eventually.

     

    What happens to yourself while you do this?  Can you really stuff full a life of discourse and anger, resentment and hate and come up with a wonderful retirement or freedom in some distant place.

     

    Isn’t it like taking the trip to a wonderful Island Resort by paddling an inner tube across the ocean to get there?

     

    Is the journey of suffering worth the reward at the end?

    Can we toss aside billions of present moments and call it a life well lived?

     

    Imagine how many present moments there are in each day, in a week, a lifetime!

     

    It overwhelms me in the sheer number we get and we do nothing for them.  They simply arrive, a present to open!

     

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  • The genes of Me!

    Your Lingering Early Programming – “Excuses Begone”

     

    In addition to our genetic makeup, the other big excuse that most of us use to justify unhappiness, poor health, and lack of success is the family and cultural conditioning we’ve been programmed with.  To that end, there’s a fascinating area of inquiry known as memetics, which deals with the mind and is analogous to the relationship of genetics to the body.  So as the basic unit of genetics is the gene, the basic unit of memetics is the meme (rhymes with “team”).  Yet unlike an atom or an electron, the meme has no physical properties.  According to Richard Brodie, in his work Virus Of The Mind, it’s ‘a thought, belief, or attitude in your mind that can spread to and from other people’s minds.

     

    Richard Dawkins, the Oxford biologist who coined the word meme, describes the process in his book, The Selfish Gene.  My understanding is that memetics originates from the word mimic, meaning to observe and copy behavior.  This behavior is repeated and passed on and on the mimicking process goes.  The key point is this:  transferring an idea, attitude, or belief to others is done mentally.  We won’t find memes by turning up the magnification of any microscope – they pass on from mind to mind via hundreds of thousands of imitations.  By the age of six or seven, we’ve all been programmed with an endless inventory of memes that act very much like a virus.  They aren’t necessarily good or bad; they simple spread easily throughout the population.

     

    Once a meme is in your mind, it can and will subtly influence your behavior.  This is one of the ways you acquire a huge category of excuses that keep you in a rut.  For example: My memes made me do it!  I can’t help it!  These ideas (beliefs, attitudes) have been passed on to me from one mind to another for generations, and there’s nothing I can do about the way I think. These memes have been building blocks of my mind, and I can’t deprogram myself from these viruses of the mind that just keep replicating and spreading.  These ideas (memes) are so much part of me that it’s impossible to ‘disinfect’ myself from the results of all of these mind viruses.”  Every excuse you read about in this book is, in reality, a meme that was once planted in your mind.

    (Wayne Dyer)

     

    How exciting is all of this?  It shows and explains how it is possible to ‘change your habitual mind’.

     

    The potential to rehabilitate our selves from childhood trauma is huge.  As I was walking away from my family I was changing my memes.  The selfish gene should really be called the self-loving gene.

     

    This is proof to me that when a mother changes and finds inner empowerment, so do her children.

     

    I intuitively knew that if my mother had taken a strong stance, it would enable her children to follow suit.  And I also knew that I didn’t walk alone, but that my children, my daughters especially, stepped in my footprints. 

     

    To be the change in this genealogy or memealogy takes huge amounts of will, for you are going up against the folks who raised you, supported you, and who we call family.

     

    In order for you to change your memes you alienate yourself from so many, you become someone they do not know, an enemy in the family.  You no longer mimic their thoughts, their beliefs and their actions.  You are the renegade.

     

    Seeing the written words that explain how I changed my ‘habitual mind’ astounds me.

     

    This also explain peer pressure, the mimicking factor that you are who you hang with!  “Birds of a feather flock together.”

     

    I love that I have a new vocabulary to explain what seemed so hard to articulate, “I changed my memes!”

     

    Wayne pronounces it Meam to rhyme with Team.

    I would like to call them ME ME Genes.

     

    The genes of Me!

      

     

     

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  • Will to Erase the Excuse!

    “An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie….”

                 Alexander Pope

     

    Wayne Dyer writes in his book Excuses Begone,

     

    There’s statistical evidence that the conscious mind occupies approximately 5% of the total workings of the brain, leaving 95% to the realm of subconscious. Percentages interest me less than the ability to sense your mind as some amorphous component of your being that’s constantly changing from one ego-based thought to another, but rather as evidence of your nature, or your connection to the infinite intellect of creation.  This style of magnificent respect alerts you to your ability to access the highest function of your mind.

     

    According to Tor Norretranders, the author of The User Illussion, the subconscious mind has been calculated to process millions of environmental stimuli per second versus only a few dozen environmental stimuli per second that the conscious mind can process.  Conventional psychological wisdom says that much of what you believe about yourself, along with almost all of your daily actions, is programmed into your subconscious or habitual mind.  You spend a great deal of your time operating on automatic pilot, so to speak.  In fact, you could visualize your two minds as co-pilots:  the conscious mind is aware of its thoughts but is a minor player, like a real pilot in training; while the subconscious takes care of virtually everything you need to think, say and do.

     

    I take exception to this assertion that the habitual mind runs the show, doing everything that the creative mind isn’t paying attention to.  According to this view, the habitual mind is like a computer running a downloaded program that will play through out your life – it’s been permanently programmed from the moment of conception, and it’s next to impossible to get new software to rewrite existing programs.  I simply cannot agree that a part of your mind was nourished by ideas, images, and input that continue to be necessary for your sustainability today.  It’s my contention that this is a false belief that’s easily revealed as an excuse.  I don’t believe that anyone has to live with the belief that they have programming in their subconscious mind that can’t be rewritten.  I’ll explain my perspective on this issue.

     

    If you’re the way you are because of something that’s subconscious – that is, below your level of waking consciousness- then it’s clearly something you can do nothing about.  You can’t even talk about it, since it is beyond your conscious mind.  For the same reason, you can’t understand it; you can’t challenge it; and, most egregiously, you can’t change or fix it.  How can you fix something that’s totally inaccessible?  It would be like attempting to repair a broken watch that was sealed away in a vault: obviously, you need the combination to enter into that previously inaccessible space.

     

    If something is subconscious and thus automatic, it’s believed that you don’t have a choice in the matter.  And to me, that’s the most regrettable thing about this subconscious model: believing that you don’t have a choice.  The truth, as I see it, is that every thing you think, say, and do is a choice – and you don’t need to think, speak or act as you’ve done for your entire life.  When you abandon making choices, you enter the vast world of excuses.

     

    Right now, while reading this book, decide to begin choosing instead of excusing.  You can instantly decide to reprogram and direct your life toward the level of happiness, success, and health that you prefer.  (Wayne Dyer)

     

    While reading this book, and I am only in the beginning of it, this affirms what I have walked. 

     

    Did you hear what he was saying, that if you can explain the excuse, you know! 

     

    If you can show me what your excuse is, you know! 

     

    And if you know, than it isn’t hidden and subconscious, but rather you are allowing the excuse to run your world!  You gave up choices for excuses.

     

    This has been nagging at me, of how my sisters and brothers didn’t seem to have a choice. 

     

    What Wayne Dyer is saying is that they have excuses instead of choices. 

     

    This will ride with me forever. 

     

    Knowing that if you can form an excuse, it is no longer in your subconsciousness!  You are aware of what is in your vault, your safe, what you haul out as an excuse.  Amazing!

     

    What power this gives to those who feel they are forever doomed because the childhood environment etc, this will allow you to have power over anything you can label.

     

    If you can label it you can change the label.

     

    I am only on page 22, but so far I find this very insightful.

     

    Imagine trading choices for excuses!

    How powerless that even sounds.

     

    It just seemed so off balance that some have choices and others don’t, this really evens the playing field, an equal opportunity for all.

     

    It takes away the excuse of excuses.

     

    Here is the definition, for of course I had to look it up.

    -forgive something: to release somebody from blame or criticism for a mistake or wrongdoing

    – overlook something: to make allowances for somebody or something

    – release somebody from obligation: to release somebody from an obligation or responsibility

     

    When I read the definition and applied it to what Wayne Dyer is writing about, the excuse is not for the other person, it is for you.

     

    It allows you to be powerless, choice less, which equals to hopeless and helpless.  

     

    If all knew that excuses were so self-defeating, I am sure no one would utter one again. 

     

    To use an excuse is to show how weak you are.  Imagine that.

     

    I will have to watch how often I use an excuse instead of having the will of choice.

     

    Will of choice, it surely will take will to erase the excuse.