“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. “
~Rajneesh
It is incredible that a mother is born the same day a child is born, that is all it takes to be a mom. Most never stop to think that we are handing over children to be mothered by someone who has never mothered! Up and until then she was just a woman.
And this woman is now in charge of another being beside herself.
We mother from the self we are.
The same woman who arrives at the hospital to have a baby is the same one that mothers; we are not given any magic potion to make us a mother.
How I treated myself, how I was in relationships, was how I mothered. I mothered with that same self.
I simply didn’t have a separated self that mothered. I mothered as me!
All my deficiencies fell onto my children, all my fears trickled into their worlds, and my insecurities were filled by how they behaved.
To totally raise a child that is balanced and independent, you yourself need to be balanced and independent.
My co-dependent nature didn’t allow them to be separated from me. I had a voice in every choice they made.
It was like we were the oddest set of Siamese twins.
Attached by an emotional dysfunctional tether, like a layer of skin we lived in each other’s lives connected always by how the other behaved, how they felt affected us, very little degree of separation.
Somehow subconsciously I was weaving us together to be totally dependent upon the other, which deprived both of us from living independent strong lives.
It was scary cutting the ties and letting go of control and not being the most important voice in their lives, and allowing them to be themselves, but I did it.
Instead I focused all my attentions on my self and learning how to mother, or more importantly how to be a strong separated self.
It is incredible to me how we focus on the children, how we want the children to be this and that, so than we can claim we were a good parent.
If you instead focus on the parent, you will see that the lacks in the child all are flowing from the parent.
They are as strong as our weakest link.
It is easier to blame the child than it is to fix our weak link.
I had many weak links, a chain that was falling apart.
Each time I repaired a section; I give my child another link to freedom and self worth.
My chain and my legacy pattern are to be a separated self and to break the chain of co-dependency.
I M Perfect lady 