I M Perfect lady

How is it that to love yourself, without another seems foreign?  Is it true, that we alone cannot experience love?   That our love feelings are dependent upon other, and what happens if there is no other?  What are we to do?

It seems too that religion holds God, like another holds love. 

How is that possible that in order to get to God, you have to find the right church, the right pastor, the right words?  And in order to get love, you have to find the right person?

I had relied or had a lazy relationship, as my brother likes to say, with this thing called Love and God.  I knew both through the eyes of other.  It was their definition that I knew, I didn’t know my own.

I blindly followed, submissively agreed with whatever they said, and I worked really hard to never displease, for they held my love, and my God.  I always believed that to turn from them, was turning away from Love and God. 

I was shocked to know that God came with me.  He didn’t just live in Church, in a building painted white.  He was available in every tree, a bird, it’s song, the sunrise, in kind eyes, a gentle hand, there seemed no place that God wasn’t. 

Love was harder for me to find, or love of self was harder.  I had been abused, tossed about and aside. I had to work my way into liking me, with all my imperfections.  This was definitely was an inside job.

I knew that there was no way I would ever trust again, for others to hold my love.  I also was certain that it was up to me to be the keeper of it, if I were to find it.

It is a hard thing to find, especially when you have no idea what it really is.  Maybe it was harder to recognize.  I simply went by feelings.  It  seemed to be the opposite of what I had been raised to believe. 

Love is free, unattached, without agendas, no rules, expectations, free will, things I had never experienced before.

I am still new at this relationship.  A love affair with Self.  I am living free, like stepping out of Plato's Cave.  It is overwhelming to look back and wonder how I survived, and then forward to a million potentials!  It seems that nothing I used in the Cave is needed out here!  And I am clueless on how to be.

The brightness, the joy, the peace, and oh the freedom to be me.  How exciting this all is, and yet there are times I miss the cave, for it was all I ever knew.  I get those feelings less and less, as each new part of me grows.  Soon it will all fade into a distant past….where only the good times will rise.

Until then, I am daring to be daring as I get comfortable in this free space.  This space of Love.