I M Perfect lady

Last week while raking the leaves, or more like ripping up the grass, I noticed….I seemed very angry or resentful to all dead leaves.  And I was being mean to the grass, raking it like a head full of snarls. 

I then took a deep breath, relaxed my shoulders and really really looked at what I was doing, the grass, the leaves and even the whole body of the earth.  I was humbled and ashamed. 

First of all can a tree not shed dead leaves?  Does it have control where they land when they fly away?  Is it the tree's fault that part of its nature is to grow leaves and then surrender them when the cycle is over?  And the grass, the poor grass just lying there, like it can stop the leaves from landing or run out of the way. 

And then I come along and punish both, well all of us.  Once I relaxed my grip, with my shoulders soft, my hand lightly holding, I combed or exfoliated the grass.  What a difference it made…to me, and I am sure the grass sighed.   I actually felt like I was doing an act of love.  I was letting the grass breathe, allowing the sun to warm it, and for it to see the sky.

 While out there that day, I recalled being a little girl with long blonde hair, too little to style it myself, and feeling responsible for making my mother angry for having to fix my hair.  My head hurt as she hurriedly got the hair in somewhat of a style.  The bus was arriving and I am sure I was desperate to look presentable as I began my day at school.  A incident that neither of us controlled….my hair would tangle as I slept fitfully…..and she was the only one available to make it right.  It wasn’t my fault she had morning sickness again, and she would tell you it wasn’t hers……I just always wished I could be less of a bother or that I could fix myself all things.  On the bus that day, with one braid up and the other down, I erased her struggles and wore my hair down and free.

After my insights, I looked differently at the leaves, their deadness, the perfectly dead condition, helpless but not on purpose.  The wind would come and toss it, and I would chuckle….I think they should all be in a pile, I will rearrange what nature is creating.  I did try and succeeded somewhat….

That is Until I had to get my 14 year old's help to haul them all away.  Another struggle against nature, he just gets to be a boy.  Boys don’t care about leaves and where they lay, it seemed a task not worth doing.  And just maybe he is right.   

We now are waiting for the new birth all around, Spring is here….well almost for today the grass and leaves are wearing a coat of white, but right beneath the surface is a new life waiting to be born….

May I birth new acceptance and allow things to be themselves, since they can’t help it anyway!