I M Perfect lady

There seems to be two energies of silence, awareness and unawareness, peace and hostility, love and fear, solitude and loneliness…

There is silence to shun and hurt to push out and away that isn’t inclusive but divided.

Silence that is cold and uncaring, thoughtless and too busy, unaware and out of touch, forgotten…and good intentions piled high, never spoken.

Silence of lazy relationships or untried or pushed, where silence is required, no speaking of the ills, just silence.

The silence I was raised upon.

Seeing, feeling, and knowing my mother’s silence in anger, dark still, raging, quiet, strong silence.

Her silence against what was wrong.

Silently staying.

Silently waiting for change.

Silently looking away. Silently.

Silently hoping, wishing, praying.

Silently walking hand in hand with pain, shame, guilt, abuse, neglect, betrayal, faithless, unworthiness, looking away from innocence and vulnerable child and self.

The dark side of silence…where nothing changes, pain continues, victims born, old victims live, abuse blossoms.

Silence isn’t peaceful in an abusive home.
Silently we suffer.

Breaking the silence I have found myself in a new kind of silence, the knowing silence.

Knowing silence is peaceful, strong, empowering.

I speak out about the abuse, but am silent with the abusers.

Living the opposite.

Where before my ‘peace’ was gotten from being silent, I needed to be silent in order to survive, to be in my home, my family.

A false sense of peace and security living silently in abuse, blind and unknowing.
Now my peace is to speak of my abuse, telling is my peace. Telling brings me power.

Silence and abuse go hand and hand…