I M Perfect lady

In Alice Miller's book, "The Body Never Lies," she writes…

"Severe illnesses, early death, and suicide are the logical consequence of subjection to the laws that we call morality, although in fact they suffocate our true lives.  This will continue to be the case, all over the world, as long as we show greater reverence to these laws than to life itself.  The body rebels against such treatment, but the only language at its command is the language of illness, a language that is rarely understood as long as the denial of true feelings in childhood remain unrecognized."

"Many of the Ten Commandments can still claim validity today.  But the Fourth Commandment is diametrically opposed to the laws of psychology. It is imperative that there be general recognition of the fact that enforced "love" can do a very great deal of harm.  People who were loved in childhoood will love their parent  in return.  There is no need of a commandment to tell them to do so.  Obeying a commandment can never be the basis for love."  Alice Miller

What happens when the commandments are telling children who have been abused by their parents, it is of greater importance to try and love them, than it is to not.

And in fact, if you don't love them, you will go to hell.  To be a good christian child, you must love and obey your parents…end of story.

In fact, there can be no story told from the viewpoint of the child.

Putting silencers on the child's experience and feelings is the cause of people being able to do things without feelings.  Being able to do wrong toward others and selves, for they are disconnected to their feelings.  And their feelings go against the commandments of God.

The God that I now know, is the God of truth, not the god of commanding abused children to love and honor their abusers.  That is not a kind loving god, but a god similar to their parents.  

The line that came quickly to mind after discovering my father, was "To Love and Fear"….and how those two feelings are diametrically opposed as well.

We need to make an addendum to the 4th Commandment, that says, "Unless your parents have abused you….than you are free to disregard this one….go in God's peace away from those that hurt you."

As long as this commandment is preached and demanded that abused children follow it, as long as society sees estrangement from family as bad, we will have hurt children going on to hurt their children. The cycle needs to be broken. We need to find the culprits in our moral codes that are keys to setting the children free.

The Detective who came to my home that day in 2004, to get my statement about my abuse from my father, says to me.  "I hope this will not come between your relationship with your father."  

Immediately a child will feel the alliance between the adults…and the closed ear for the child's story.

He didn't wonder how my father's treatment of me, how my mother's Active denial damaged me…and how my church's treatment of both had me living in a sea of adults who cared not a wit about the child's life…what it did to me. 

In my humble opinion, it isn't the child and their tales or their willingness to speak of the deeds of abuse, but rather the moral viewpoint of the family dynamics.

Everything is setup with the 'ideal' family in mind.  The perfect parents, lovingly caring and nurturing their children.  Yet, the facts of the land are the complete opposite…and nothing has changed in the foundations of our religions and laws of the land.

We are all failing the children as long as we don't hear and see them in the reality of their lives and act accordingly.

To keep beating the drum of Love and Obey thy parents….while they are sexually and physically beating the child…is insanity.  No one wants to point fingers and make parents pay.

Instead they will extract payment by taking another child's life…and turning their natural bright spirit and create another dark life…simply by turning their awareness away from the parent's wrongs.