I M Perfect lady

Today's reading from Mark Nepo's book, "The Book of Awakening"

"I often think of Nicodemus, the one Pharisee who secretly believed in Jesus and who would meet with him anonymously at night to have deep spiritual conversations, but who would never acknowledge his questions of spirit or his association with Jesus in the light of day.  Of course, this did nothing to the essence of Jesus, but traumatically thwarted and plagued Nicodemus for the rest of his days."

"This story shows us the quiet pain that comes from not honoring what we know to be true, even if all we know to be true are the questions we are asking.  It is even more useful to realize that we each carry a Jesus and a Nicodemus within us; that is, we each have a divine inner voice that open us to truth and a mediating social voice that is reluctant to show its truth to others."

"The famous British child psychologist D.W. Winnicott called these aspects of personality our True and False Self.  it is the True Self that lets us know what is authentic and what has become artificial, while the False Self is a diplomat of distrust, enforcing a lifestyle of guardedness, secrecy, and complaint."

"In everyday terms, this means that each time we experience a change in reality as we know it, we must choose whether to declare or hide what we know to be true. At such moments, we either need to bring the way we have been living into accord with that shift of reality, or we need to resist the change.  Thus, in daily ways, whether we live in our True or False Self depends on our willingness to stay real.  And so, over time, staying real becomes the work of keeping our actions in the world connected to the truth of our inner being, allowing our True Self to see the light of day."

"Very often, we continue, out of habit or fear, to behave in old ways, even though we know that the way of things has changed.  Time and time again, I have found myself at this crucial juncture: having to admit that what was essential is no longer essential and then needing to summon the courage to make the act of living essential again."

"I know that every time I hear or see the truth but hold to the old way – of being or thinking or relating – I am giving my life over to Nicodemus in me.  And in doing so, I embark on a divided life, in which I listen to the divine inner voice secretly at night, but deny it day after day."

"But this moment of inner embarrassment, when we catch ourselves in the act of split living, is also the recurring chance for us to honor once again what we know to be true. For anyone, no matter how wounded or distressed, can in a moment of truth let the God within show itself out here in the world.  However small or fleeting, this one repeatable act can restore our common and vital sense of being alive."  Mark Nepo

This is exactly as I have witnessed myself and others.  I too used to hide from the truth, instead of declare it. I too used to not have the courage to align myself with the voice of truth within me.  Until my truthful life became too big to hide.  My false sense could not create a shield big enough to hide behind.

What I have experienced since bringing my truth to the light of day, is seeing my old self.  Seeing how others say things to me in 'secret' how they reveal their deeper self, but then are unable to walk with it in the light of day.  I totally feel how that is. 

Somehow we are more afraid of the truth than living a false life.

When I began bringing my truth to the light of day, it became a way of being.  In each situation I would be asked to declare or hide.  And I knew that in the past, my hiding from the truth didn't prevent it from hurting me.  For eventually I had to face it…so I declare now, rather than hide.

I also believe that we are in the midst of a great change, where it will become impossible to live a false life.  That our awareness will increase and you will see the how hopeless it is to pretend.  

And, that even if you can't display your truth, others in your families will….and in turn take down the closet door, leaving you exposed against your will.

Each of us know inside of us what the truth is by how afraid we are of being found out.  The higer the fear, the more we have to hide.  

If only I could impress upon anyone who is living this divided life, the ease and peace you will gain by becoming one…

It will be hard to extricate your self from the false life you have built, but in the end, you will be standing as one self with nothing to hide.