I M Perfect lady

"In any treatment situation, it is the therapist who is responsible for holding two stories, or two plays, together. The work of sustaining a therapeutic relationship demands a two-sided or perspective in order to understand both stories. And the deepening of this relationship over time demands honesty and intimacy and sometimes extraordinary courage. Knowing that we are human, and therefore limited in our understanding and courage, we can be overwhelmed by these responsibilities. We can then create a greater distance to protect ourselves, and even appear to be unmoved by our patients’ responses to that distance. But the effect on our patients is deadening whenever we show them that they do not affect us. Or, alternatively, we can create an illusion of intimacy by making false promises, unwittingly seducing patients to reveal their deepest and oldest wishes, as if we could somehow mete out the right responses and withhold what would be harmful, as if we really knew that difference. But neither of these strategies really protects us from the terrible responsibility of holding another’s heart in our hands, at least for a time, while not forsaking ourselves.
As I write this sketch of my observations about clinical practice, I see that, rather obviously, they carry the story of the book as a whole. I hope that others—parents, teachers, patients of every age, but clinicians especially—will read this story as if standing outside a house at a window at night, peering into a room at once familiar and unfamiliar, and watching an unfolding drama that adumbrates their own knowledge of relationships in psychotherapy."

From Annie G Rogers, "A Shining Affliction - A Story of Harm and Healing in Psychotherapy"

To me, it isn't just in the world of therapy, but in life in general. We are both responsible for holding the story and play of our lives together.  Being engaged with another human is to be fully present, to be the witness of their truths…to have the courage to be true.

What is so amazing about Annie, is that she was a victim, she healed her wounds and can now be extremely affective as a therapist, for she can know what is helpful, what is needed…and that she must show up completely.

The key is always…I see you.  And in my experience, until I saw myself completely, there was no way I could see others.  We see only as far as we see ourself.

There are victims out there who are trying to help others, who have not dealt with their whole lives, especially perpetrators who focused only on their victim days and did not address their abusive ways.  If you can't see how your past is playing out in your present, you are not aware…and are repeating the past in the present.

This is how the legacy continues.  The lack of seeing the past, the past shows up in the present to be seen. You don't see it, and the pattern goes on and on.

The only way to stop the past from repeating is to see it.

See what actually happened there, not what your mind would like you to believe.  To see reality in the past, will stop the past from living in your present day.

I know this will be argued, but look around.  And see in families the dynamics being played out verbatium.

If you can find a therapist who will challenge your past in your present, you will be on the road to recovery. Recovering your past and correcting all the files you mislabeled.