I M Perfect lady

My journey of self exploration and discovery has unearthed a multiple of crossed wires and messy connections.  It appears that I was wired all wrong due to both the cult like religion as well as abuse…leaving my perception of the world askew. Being a mother, my gravest concern was in how much of my programming was ingested by my daughters.

It isn't the physical act of abuse, but the screwy wiring that does the most damage.

How will untangling my wires straighten out my daughters?  And will they each have to witness in their own lives the tangled mess of labeling what is good… bad and bad into good?  Will each of them have to stand head to head with reality and have to work their minds to see the truth?  Flipping it around and around like a rubic's cube.

I am struck how incredibly hard it is to be the first to see the family perceptions are worn backwards.  How it is to be the first to awaken and look around….for others are seeing the world with backwards glasses and are not only content, but living in the lap of 'normal'… and safety.

I believe that the legacy of abuse isn't just passing on egregious acts of abuse, but also passing on twisted perceptions to our children.

Unless and until you have witnessed the contents of your mind being a complete representation of reality, you will not get this.

My biggest failure as a mother, was handing down wrong perceptions of reality.

Children come in with clear eyes and we cloud them over with a film of illusion…by coaching them to see the world through our eyes.

My children were raised to see one way…and now I have changed the way I see things.  They now have a choice.  

And, they will not know there is a choice, until they witness within themselves the horror of believing something to be good…only to find the shocking truth of what is really going on.

I do find comfort in a few things. One that I can see clearly…if not right away, I can usually find my way clear after looking upon a situation from many points of Light.  

And the biggest thing is that I realize the condition of my children's minds and how they got that way.  I understand them, because I understand me.

I will not blame them on their poor choice.  I will see them making a choice based upon the wrong perceptions they were taught. 

All I can do as a mom, is to point out the differences in reality. And leave the choice making up to them…and the consequences.

For what is even worse than the mixed up wiring in your mind, is living with the consequences of those backwards choices.

My mixed up mind made it okay to go to my father's home with my girls.  A home of a pedophile…was Grandpa's house.

My mixed up mind felt at home in a cult.

My mixed up mind could not see itself clear of the mess…for the mess itself presented the hugest obstacle.

At times I feel the weight of all I taught so wrong…and at others feel great gulps of relief, knowing I am now able to help my children see…if and when they find themselves lost in-between reality and my old mind.

The old saying "When the bird and the book disagree….believe the bird."  

When reality and your mind disagree…believe that which you can touch and feel…and see without effort, without struggle.

Reality in the raw doesn't need a belief or a thought to keep it standing up.  It stands on its own unaided…without words.

Truth is hard to see when your mind has had you convinced it is good.  It will change to bad.

My father's behaviors, his life, his history was completely eclipsed or overturned to be something the polar opposite…as did my mother's.

Reality has stood the test of time.  It continues to reflect itself in the lives of my father's children and their children. 

The legacy of not seeing clearly is how abuse slips undetected or is called Love and family.

Missing reality, missing the mark,is the path that leads you away from your self and into a land of make believe.

In reading Michael Singer's book, "The Untethered Soul"….it is mostly about being tethered to a mind that isn't with reality.  

Abuse tethers the mind so you are held against your free will…to see that which isn't there to see.

The abuser has convinced you that it is something that it isn't.

It is a secret.  A private special interaction.  To be kept in the dark…away from family. It is something only you two have…excluding all others. You are tethered to the dark or you will lose their 'love'.

Not unlike the FALC church. The only one going to Heaven…we are special, excluding all others.  The similarities of cult and abuse are remarkable…where fear and love go hand and hand.

Love that isn't allowed into the light of day is not love it is abuse.  My mind is now clear on this.

Love has no fear.