I M Perfect lady

In the "Untethered Soul – The Journey beyond Your Self" By Michael Singer…he writes about how our inside fears determine our life.

"People end up using their relationships to hide their thorns. If you care for each other, you are expected to adjust your behavior to avoid bumping into each other’s soft spots. This is what people do. They let the fear of their inner thorns affect their behavior. They end up limiting their lives just like someone living with an external thorn. Ultimately, if there is something disturbing inside of you, you have to make a choice. You can compensate for the disturbance by going outside in an attempt to avoid feeling it, or you can simply remove the thorn and not focus your life around it. Do not doubt your ability to remove the root cause of the disturbance inside of you. It really can go away. You can look deep within yourself, to the core of your being, and decide that you don’t want the weakest part of you running your life. You want to be free of this. You want to talk to people because you find them interesting, not because you’re lonely. You want to have relationships with people because you genuinely like them, not because you need for them to like you. You want to love because you truly love, not because you need to avoid your inner problems."  Michael Singer

If you really understand this, you will totally get why you are drawn to different folks, why you make the choices you make, depending upon the thorn you are trying to hide…and IF you have worked the thorn out, you truly can move around the planet without worrying about being hurt.

We all know each others hot buttons, what we really are talking about is the inner thorn, the weakest part of the person, that they are protecting. Which then makes us only as strong as our weakest spot.

It is amazing how we literally configure our life so as not to feel this inner pain…so the inner pain ends up leading our life, not us.

I built a whole life upon keeping me away from my abuse.  Nothing was in place for me, the spirit of me, but all was in place to keep the thorn from being felt and known.

My life reflected the very thorn I was trying to hide.

It was beautifully displayed in its horrific darkness…from the family who didn't discuss deeply, to the church who forbid questions, etc. My very small narrow life was lived so the world didn't disturb the thorn.

Hard to explain in a short blog post, but just know, that any free will or open mind or new way, freaked out the protector of the thorn.  I needed to be around other thorn protecting folks.  Folks who too, didn't want to dig deeper than the surface scratch, who cultivated friendships and relationships that would keep the thorn nestled in quietly.

I couldn't be around folks who asked too many questions about my narrow ways, for even I didn't know why why why I had to be this way.  How it was imperative that I didn't stray off the narrow road of control.  

Who knew that my thorn was the legacy of abuse, and the behaviors I lived by was hammered into me, to keep the thorn hidden and not poking out.

Once, I have sat eye to eye, heart to heart, and felt to the depth of my soul, the pain of the thorn's content…I can now live my life free.

There are no weak spots slurping up my life's choices.

I am free to live life, not to live a life protecting the unfelt thorn.

Moving my life by the music of my soul…dancing in love, peace and joy and not side stepping to avoid the pain.