I M Perfect lady

In Michael Singer's book, "The Untethered Soul – The journey beyond yourself" he writes about balance or how it is to live in the extremes.

"The more extreme you are, the less forward movement there is. You carve a groove and you get stuck in it. Then there’s no energy moving you in the Tao; it’s all being spent serving the extremes. The Way is in the middle because that’s the place where the energies are balanced. But how do you stop the pendulum from swinging to the outer edges? Amazingly enough, you do this by leaving it alone. It won’t keep swinging to the extremes unless you feed the extremes with energy. Just let the extremes go. Don’t participate in them, and the pendulum will naturally come toward the center. As it comes to the center, you will get filled with energy. This is because all the energy that had been wasted is now available to you." 

 "If you choose to center and not participate in the extremes, you will come to know the Tao. You don’t grab it; you don’t even touch it. It’s just what the energy does when it’s not being used to swing toward the extremes. It finds its own way to the center of each event that takes place in life and remains quietly in the middle. The Tao is hollow, empty. Like the eye of a hurricane, its power is its emptiness. All things swirl around it, but it is unmoved. The swirl of life draws its energy from the center and the center draws its energy from the swirl of life. All these laws are the same— in weather, in nature, and in every aspect of your life." 

"As you center by not participating in the swings, the energies will naturally find their balance. You will become much clearer because so much energy is flowing up in you. The experience of being present in each moment will become your natural state. You won’t be fixated on certain things or caught up in thoughts about the opposites. As you get clearer, life’s events will actually seem to unfold in slow motion. Once this happens, events will no longer seem confusing or overwhelming, no matter what they are."  Michael Singer

I completely understand this, how those who care less, have the most power, for they are not worried about taking care of the extremes.  He gives an example…

"Basically, you waste tremendous energy at the extremes. The more extreme it is, the more it becomes a full-time project. For example, the relationship in which you insist upon being together all the time would be a full-time job. The only way you could have another job is if you both did the same work at the same desk. At the other extreme, if you had no relationship and you were lonely and depressed all the time, you couldn’t accomplish much. So again, it takes all your energy to do the extremes. The inefficiency of your actions is determined by how many degrees off-center you are. You will be that much less able to use your energy for living life because you are using it to adjust for the pendulum swings. Extremes are good teachers. When you examine the extremes, it’s easy to see the effects of imbalanced behavior patterns." Michael

This has got to be one of the hardest things I had to learn…for lived in the extremes…either caring too much or not at all…to find the spot of it not mattering either way, but yet being in power of myself was an extremely hard to do.  I literally had to talk myself off of the extreme ledge.

And, more importantly come to believe in the middle.

It seems insane that I had to convince myself that being safe in the middle of empowerment of self was far better than living on the edge feeling control by the virtue of being at home out of control.  I know that this is a confusing sentence, but then so was my life.

My power now is when I am not wanting anything too desperately.

I can't care too much and I can't complete give up….instead I live in the middle and wonder which way will the Universe play this out.

I have to be in the game, but not betting on either end.

I live mostly in the center.  There are times, when I scurry to the edge and want to camp there, but I feel so yucky feeling so powerless and pathetic….so I I let go and bounce back to center.

It is such an interesting dance once you understand the difference of how it feels inside to want something so desperately and being so powerless to do anything….it is then, you have to let go.

Amazingly letting go immediately takes you back to the middle of "it can't matter" and that I will be okay, NO MATTER which way it goes.

I know that when the stakes are the highest, when you believe that your life will either be worth living or not worth living, it is then you have to let go.

I had a saying I used to fool myself…I would say "for now".  I will let them go for now…but not putting the tag of "forever" on the end.  I could always let go for a few minutes, a few hours and eventually for days, weeks….and years.

My life would be one big sob, if I still lived on the extreme ends.

I have learned by sorrow to stay away from the edges.  It seems that insanity lives on the edges and in the middle is a balanced life.  A life without preferences.

I had to remove what I wanted…

I had to accept what was.

I didn't know how I would live away from the edge, for the edge held my old life.

When you think about abuse and cult like religions….they both are extremes.

I was raised to feel extreme was normal.