I M Perfect lady

From Facebook, "Abuse No More"…

The list of rules that the sociopath/narcissist expects his /her target to live by…

1. I can say anything I like. You are not allowed to say anything unless you are sure it will not offend me. (Hint: Praise/compliments).
2. I can do anything I want. You are not allowed to do anything unless you are sure I will like it.
3. You must call me regularly to see how I am and give me attention. I never have to call you, unless I need something.
4. You have to respect me. I do not have to respect you. And I don’t.
5. I am allowed to lie about you. You are not allowed to tell the truth about me.
6. I am allowed to lie about you, to make you look bad. You MUST lie about me, to make me look GOOD.
7. I am the only one allowed to get angry. You are not allowed to get angry.
8. I am the only one allowed to have “hurt feelings.” You are not allowed to have hurt feelings.
9. I am the only one allowed to feel “insulted.” You are not allowed to feel insulted.
10. I can falsely accuse you of doing things you never did, and you are not allowed to make a liar out of me by defending yourself.
11. You are not allowed to expose me and reveal the things I really DID do. You must cover up what I do and say and keep it a secret.
12. You are never allowed to complain. That’s MY job.
13. You are never allowed to confront me. I’m the only one who is allowed to confront anybody.
14. I can make faces at you, scowl, roll my eyes, and sneer, but you’d better not look at me “funny,” or even smile at me.
15. I can stop speaking to you, but you are not allowed to stop speaking to me.
16. I can disown you, but you do not have the right to walk away from me.
17. When I’m ready un-disown you, you have to take me back and start talking to me again, with no further discussion of whatever caused our “rift.” You have no choice in the matter. I am the only one who has a choice.
18. I can “vent” to other people about you, but you must suffer in silence.
19. I can tell everybody the things you “did to” me, but you are not allowed to tell anybody the things I did to you.
20. You are not allowed to have any opinion that differs from mine.
21. You must agree with everything I say, but I am allowed to criticize and degrade the things you say.
22. I have no sense of humor when it comes to me. You must take me very seriously, but I am allowed to mock you and even laugh in your face.
23. If you don’t know why I’m mad, you better figure it out, because I’m not going to tell you.
24. If another person upsets me, you’d BETTER take my side and confront and shun them. If another person upsets YOU, good for them. You deserve it.
25. I know everything, you know nothing.
26. You are weak and inferior. I am a superior being, and you must always acknowledge that and never forget your place.
27. You have no freedom to even think independently. I have all the freedom.
28. Your job is to take care of my needs and feelings. You are not allowed to have needs or feelings. If you do, then take care of them yourself and don’t expect anything from me.
29. You have no rights. I have all the rights.
30. You are here to do for me, I am not here to do for you. You are only here for my convenience. When you are no longer useful or become too much trouble, I will kick you to the curb. Until I want something from you again. 

 Tina, Abuse No More.

Wow, this is a very realistic list. A list that I have lived both sides of….one that doesn't allow for a relationship, but rather a dictatorship or Abuser and the abused.

One that has taken me a long time to disengage from….the affects of being the one to follow the rules as well as creating this pattern with my own children.

I have lived on both sides and sadly each side is just as empty.

The power side lives in fear of not being liked, loved or obeyed and the ruled side lives in constant fear of not being good enough…I guess both sides are empty.

I had to walk out of this sick game completely and quit cold turkey…with my mother, and in doing so, I was able to see me and how I was living this out with my children. I may not have been as severe, but the flavor was there. I felt it.  I felt this much more than love.

It wasn't until I stopped playing this game with my mother that I was able to stop playing this game with my kids.  It is my belief, that you have to first stop being a victim, before you can stop being the abuser…if that makes sense.

I don't think you can continue being treated by your parents like this and have a totally loving relationship with your kids. You first have to find your power to stop playing this sick sick game.   This is what is meant by abuse is all about power.

There have been many moments within my estrangement that I have wondered about my actions, about whether they are narcissitic or not. But, the key part is that I do not gain my power from others, but rather from my self.

I do not rule others or need them to behave or not behave a certain way…but, I also allow myself the freedom to move away from them.  I am not locked into the above rules.  I no longer play this game.