I M Perfect lady

I still have leaky borders, where my responsibility leaks out into another's life and I have a hard time being present in mine. I felt burdened and weighed down and had less energy for my world…regardless I headed downstairs to quilt today.

I used to think that I quilted when my world became too hard to handle, and I did…but I could see now that it brought me to be present and even how its therapy wasn't to express myself but to get me out of the swirling thoughts.  

It wasn't like I was depressed, but I was darkened.  I was unable to enjoy the mundane things in life, for a fog of thoughts flowed with me, keeping me from being clear and present in my peaceful home and life….while pondering abuse rippling outward in another church.  And, what could I do, knowing the mindset was similar to mine, etc.

Sundays are my Art days, the days where I am free to let go of life's chores and just get lost. Today, I was short fabric…I could create the center, the sky, water and shore, but I didn't have enough to complete a whole new piece….and, then I broke my darning foot that I use for free motion quilting…well it was fractured, I still managed to quilt but handicapped.  It seemed that the easy flow in my Art was choppy as much as my thoughts….like I wasn't comfortably at one with my Art…like I was barely able to hide from what was troubling me….

My husband wanted to take a ride, and I wondered if we would talk about the abuse, or would I be able to let it go and just enjoy nature….I did.  It just was too nice a day to pour out conversation, he could do nothing about….

Here are some shots along Lake Superior…the shoreline between Gay and Lac La Belle….

As you can see, pristine snow and perfect sky. The temps were just above 20…

Nature pulled me to itself time and time again.  Breath taking in its quiet self.

A jeep, a quiet peaceful man….and a Sunday ride.

We were gone about 4 hours and I came home restored and centered.  The date, nature and art brought me back to center…in my life.

You could hear the waves or the water….sounds of Spring, even though it looks like mid-winter.

You can see Mt. Bohemia in the distance.  We ate the Bear Belly and hope to watch skiers, but the hill closed at 4pm.

What I learned today, it is helpful to do Art when life's question overwhelm you…and to get dressed up and go out for a ride, to force yourself to leave your troubles behind.  It doesn't make you less responsible, but more.  Responsible for your own mental health, your own life…it puts you back to you…and you gain perspective and separation.

It was good to see how easily the evil or bad of the world can seep into your life, and how it is at that time, crucial to become 'irresponsible' and leave your troubling thoughts behind and jump into this moment of time…even force yourself to do what you love to do, where you know your peace, love and joy is found.  Go there…and be filled.

I found, there wasn't anyone in my present day, asking me for help. 

There is a flow to helping…

My role may just be to listen…and to share my experience, but it is also to live my life well.  If, I am to be a conduit to exposing abuse, it will happen.  My role will unveil itself with ease.  

I let go…albeit reluctantly…and forced myself back into me!