I M Perfect lady

Kindness, and its act of non-judging, creates a world outside of reality.  Where the bad behaviors are not seen, recognized, and a new reasonable conclusion brought in.

Instead, out of kindness, and to be more loving, truth is not accepted.

The many layers of consequences of non-judging astound me.

Is this sort of kindness, even kind?

And kind to whom?

Who benefits the most?

Is it really kind not to be in reality with someone?

Isn't it like playing pretend?

How did kindness and judging become at odds with each other?

The most non-judging among us are the most untruthful.

Who knew?

In my experience, religion teaches not to judge, and so I no longer trust religion. I know, this will not sit well with many.  I just don't see how I could support a system that continues to reject the truth.

What I knew was that my old religion played a huge part in keeping my father's secret; what I didn't know, was how.

I mean I knew that they blessed his sins…to be good christians, you must.  But, I didn't know that by rejecting his truths over and over, they were literally living in a reality where abuse didn't live.

The enormity of not judging someone to be kinder or a better christian, is mind blowing at best.

To live in two worlds simultaneously…yet only one world gets talked about.

The fake one.

The truth is the silent reality no one talks about or acts upon…but it is there humming along in the background of your life.

There is a breaking point for everyone. A time when all the unspoken, un-judged truths become too much to over-ride.

When your ability to juggle two worlds collapses.

You will pick one.

I had read in Melody Beatte's book "Co-dependent No More" that 85% of folks who have a tragic truth enter into their worlds, will do more of what they did before.  Like folks who drank to get through life, will drink more after a huge event pops into their world.  

That leaves 15% who will change their lives after a tragic, upsetting event.

What I see now, is that 85% can't take the truth in and make a reasonable conclusion and adjust their worlds.  They are unable to judge the new information.  But, in order to keep this fake world going they have to do more to keep unaware. 

Drink more, sleep more, more drugs, more busy, work more, etc…just to keep the distance between them and reality.

The inability to be with the severe truths of life, is what keeps addictions going.  Perhaps the distance between your fake world and the real world is the volume of anxiety that stretches in between.

What I know, is that while it was very traumatic to own the truths of my family initially, being with the truth has brought me peace, love and joy.

My ability to reason a new conclusion of how I would engage or not engage with folks due to the truths of my life, has empowered me.

Kindness and the inability to judge is very life constricting.

You have to maintain a false life; which is very tough to do.

A false pretense.

I looked up the meaning of False Pretense.

" is the obtaining of property by intentionally misrepresenting a past or existing fact."

The property is life.

To get the life you want by misrepresenting a past or existing fact or facts.

It is to life a life that appears perfect; but you got it under false pretenses.

What I know for sure, is that when the truth crashed into my fake life, I was left without an identity.  Or at least one that I was comfortable with.

The truthful me wasn't accepted by those living a false life and who wanted to keep it.

And, I literally was incapable of lying to myself anymore.

I wasn't able to pretend to pretend to pretend.

It is just good to understand the ramifications of living under false pretenses…that are gotten from non-judgement.

My experience with people who are non-judgmental, is that they are non-accepting to new information that will tarnish the reputation or character of a person they know.

They are choosing by non-judging; not acceptance of truth.

Do you notice, too…that they will only be non-judgmental about family and friends; but can see clearly when it is a person they are not attached to.

They will protect and posture to keep their false worlds going.

You don't even know, know, know, that with kindness, you are creating a world that is far from reality.  You just want to be kind and loving with family….and friends.

But, in the end, you truly don't end up with a kind loving family. You end up with all the truths, you didn't want to accept.

Everything that wasn't based on truth and reality….slips away like a night time dream…leaving you with nothing to hold on to but the raw truth.

So, when you think it is kinder to be non-judging, at least tell yourself the truth and know you are creating a relationship based on false pretenses.

 

I am betting that Free Spirits live only in one reality…