I M Perfect lady

"Relax, you are not in charge" was the thought that arose in Yoga today…as my left hip joint felt like it was strung way way too tight.

As I stayed in a posture, I could almost feel the constricted joint…and I asked the question while rubbing where it screamed in pain; what belief or thoughts is creating this?  What came was for me to relax for I wasn't in control.

Instead, I could relax and let it be.

I wasn't in charge of anyone but me.

I don't know, if there ever was a time that I felt this to the DNA of Me….this letting go of being in charge.

As I write this, I also know that those of us who were abused, need this facade in place so not to see/feel/hear the trauma of abuse. We need this false sense of being in control in an otherwise uncontrolled environment.

If we keep us in charge; than the world will not go to hell in hand basket.  

In our minds we need to believe we are in control in an out of control world.

So we stay in control of everything.

We hold ourselves accountable for things we can no way control.

This ridiculous belief that saved me from feeling out of control has now outlived its use.

Relax, you are not in charge.

If their world falls apart….it does.  If all hell breaks loose, oh well.  Like I actually was making any headway in anyone's life anyway.  They all were going merrily on their way….while I felt in charge of them.

In charge, so not to see the mess beneath.  I used my mind to work at taking charge instead of seeing them out of control.

It actually was the sleight of hands…for I would see them as they were about to plunge and try to save them; for I was in charge IF they fall.

Relax, you are not in charge.

You didn't put them on the precipice…nor are you the one that sends them over.

My hand in their lives…has been withdrawn.

My hand that felt the need to save…to pull them back, to be in charge.

Relax and let them go.  For going is what they want most.  It is the pull of their journey that tugs them.

This will be my new mantra…when I feel the urge to control or be responsible.

"Relax, you are not in charge…."

I now can be okay when life falls apart….for I wasn't in charge.  

Journeys will flow, ebb and change…at their free will.

I love that I am not in charge…I feel the energy of being set free.

Relax…relax, relax.

I believe, I never felt that someone was in charge.

And, took the empty seat.

I am now getting up and walking into my life; alone.

I want to just be in charge of me!