I M Perfect lady

I disagree

Kindness can often mean "Excessive Tolerance" – Danielle La Porte

I love this.

I have felt that I am asked to be tolerant, more than being kind.

Tolerant of behaviors that are hurtful or unkind.

When does one get to decide their own level of tolerance?

Is kindness truly being excessively tolerant?

I have felt that I am unkind, due to my lower levels of tolerance. 

I had to look up the definition of Tolerance.

the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

This is why I sometimes struggle with 'kindness'.

 

We are asked to ignore the behavior and "be kind", regardless whether we agree with it or not. 

It has always seemed like a victim stance to me. 

A powerless place to be in.

Being kind can often mean excessive tolerance with bad behavior.

How can we maintain our own integrity and not tolerate something we do not agree with AND, still be kind?

What is kind to poor behavior?

Or, what is healthy and respectful to you?

And even respectful to the one who is doing something wrong?

Is it kind to ignore bad behavior?

Is our kindness dependent upon our tolerance?

If this is so, I am not very kind.

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I have a very low tolerance for agreeing with something I disagree with.

 

A few days ago, I had someone comment on one of my blog posts…and wanted to chat via email; but remain anonymous.  My disagreement to chatting with a faceless, nameless person was seen as me having "negative assumptions".

Really?

They wanted to place responsibility of our 'lack of communication' on me. 

I am the problem, cause I didn't agree with them being faceless; I am unkind.

In my world, I get to decide who and how I communicate.

I may be seen as unkind, but it isn't kind to me to agree when I disagree.

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Published by

bjukuri

Responses

  1. judy byykkonen Avatar
    judy byykkonen

    You are very kind and very thoughtful and you work hard to improve the lives of others. I think you handle things the way we all should—so honestly- in that you do not allow yourself to be walked on.You are inspiring me to be as honest in my relationships with others as i am in my daily dealings of life.If i am accidently refunded too much or undercharged–i will go back and return what is not mine.I am over zealous in trying to be honest. Yet–in relationships–how often do i stuff feelings? I am realizing that it is not honest to do this and it is also not healthy.It is never too late to learn….and I am open to learning!

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  2. Lori June Avatar
    Lori June

    Good for you! You were being intolerant but kind to yourself! Allowing boundaries is a good thing. Why do they seek anonymity…a question for them to answer. Well done Beth. Lori June

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  3. Beth Avatar
    Beth

    Awesome Judy in being open to learning about yourself and your relationships!
    Honesty isn’t often seen or even felt, with great appreciation. I however feel that it is the base of everything. We are only as good as the truth we share with each other.
    Lori, I too wonder about why they feel the need to be anonymous. I truly don’t get it. Let alone want to be part of a relationship where I don’t know the other person. And, how can a relationship even start with one person hiding their identity. And, for them to be upset with me because I won’t engage in the dark.
    All in all, I LOVE the idea of excessive tolerance, for I believe it is the base of most kindness. Their inability to put up boundaries, is then identified as being ‘kind’ due to their excessive tolerance.
    This idea has answered my feelings of being seen as unkind, when I truly feel that I am setting boundaries. I guess, my tolerance level is very low to most. And, I am certain, the more work I have done on myself, the lower the tolerance.

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  4. Michele Avatar
    Michele

    You are kinder than most. Tolerating bad behavior is not kind to anyone especially yourself. Kindness starts at home meaning with me. If I’m not kind to me first than I can not tolerate others behavior cause I judge myself against their behaviors. I know
    My threshold as do you. Being kind to oneself makes us more empathetic to others behaviors but I think tolerating that negative behavior doesn’t make us kind. It makes us apathetic.

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