I M Perfect lady

I am listening to a book "The Courage to be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitke Koga, written in dialogue form.

"Philosopher: As I have stated repeatedly, in Adlerian psychology, we think that all problems are interpersonal problems. In other words, we seek release from interpersonal relationships. We seek to be free from interpersonal relationships. However,it is absolutely impossible to live all alone in the universe. In light of what we have discussed until now, the conclusion we reach regarding "What is Freedom" should be clear."

Youth: What is it?

Philosopher: In short, that "freedom is being disliked by other people."

Youth: Huh? What was that?

Philosopher: It's that you are disliked by someone. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign you are living in accordance with your own principles.

Youth: But, but…

Philosopher: It is certainly distressful to be disliked. If possible, one would like to live without being disliked by anyone. One wants to satisfy one's desire for recognition. But conducting oneself in such a way as to not be disliked by anyone is an extremely unfree way of living, and is also impossible. There is a cost incurred when one wants to exercise one's freedom. And the cost of freedom in interpersonal relationships is that one is disliked by other people.

Youth: No! That's totally wrong. There is no way that could be called freedom. That's a diabolical way of thinking to coax one into evildoing.

Philosopher: You've probably been thinking of freedom as "release from organizations" That breaking away from your home or school, your company or your nation is freedom. However, if you were to break away from your organization, for instance, you would not be able to gain real freedom. Unless one is unconcerned by other people's judgement, has no fear of being disliked by other people, and pays the cost that one might never be recognized, one will never be able to follow through in one's way of living. That's to say, one will not be able to be free.

Youth: Being disliked by other people – is that what you are saying?

Philosopher: What I am saying is, don't be afraid of being disliked.

Youth: But that's –

Philosopher: I am not telling you to go so far as to live in such a way that you will be disliked, and I am not saying to engage in wrongdoing. Please understand that.

Youth: No. Then let's change the question. Can people actually endure the weight of freedom? Are people that strong? To not care even if one is disliked by one's own parents – can one become so self-righteously defiant?

Philosopher: One neither prepares to be self-righteous nor becomes defiant. One just separates tasks. There may be a person who does not think well of you, but that is not your task. And again, thinking things like he should like me or I've done all this, so its strange that he doesn't like me, is the reward-oriented way of thinking of having intervened in another person's task. One moves forward without fearing the possibility of being disliked. One does not live as if one were rolling downhill, but instead climbs the slope that lies ahead. That is freedom for a human being. Suppose that I had two choices in front of me – a life in which all people like me, and a life in which there are people who dislike me – and I was told to chose one. I would choose the latter without a second thought. Before being concerned with what others think of me, I want to follow through with my own being. That is to say, I want to live in freedom.

Youth: Are you free now?

Philosopher: Yes. I am free.

Youth: You do not want to be disliked, but you don't mind if you are?

Philosopher: Yes, that's right, not wanting to be disliked is probably my task, but whether or not so -and -so dislikes me is the other person's task. Even if there is a person who doesn't think well of me, I cannot intervene in that. To borrow from the proverb I mentioned earlier, naturally one would make the effort to lead someone to water, but whether he drinks or not is that person's task.

Youth: That's some conclusion.

Philosopher: The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness."  

This book affirms why I feel so free.  

I truly had to have the courage to be disliked in order to follow through with my own being.

It is perhaps easier to have strangers dislike you, than it is for family to dislike you.

However, within families it is often harder to live your own truth, due to your lack of courage to be disliked.

My tasks, if you will, is to live my life as authentically as I can, honoring my feelings and values. It is not my task, how you see me.

The last family member has chosen to dislike me enough to block me from his life.

That is his task, his life and his choice.

How he sees me, is not my task.

In following through with being me, I know that saying what I need to say, will often change the way someone feels about me. And, yet I feel strongly that I need to speak.

I am not sure how I can articulate the amount of freedom there is when you are okay with being disliked.

I would not have ever expected me to land here.

The freedom and courage it has given me is immeasurable.

This freedom is what I would love for everyone.

The courage to be disliked!

Imagine what you would do in your life, if you were okay being disliked!

The possibilities are endless!