I M Perfect lady

On Mother's Day, you typically look backwards, to the point of your beginning; to the woman who raised you.  This glance backwards in estrangement can leave a smudge or dark imprint on the day.

However, this year I spoke of feeling the dark cloud on the horizon to a friend. She suggested I look at ways for me to celebrate Me instead.

What was so odd about this, is that I have never thought of celebrating Me.

 

I could see the beautiful mother's my daughters are. They are so kind, soft, caring and oh so loving.  A safe heart for their daughters to have as their middle.

A spot of protection – a warm place to turn into when troubles arise.

I could celebrate them!

 

However, I was skipping the Mothers who came before them.

 

This mother's day – while it was cloudy outside, my inside was free of the dreaded dark sensation that inevitably rose – when I looked back.  Today, though – I looked here.

Down.

To Me.

I celebrated who I am.

Not with a fancy band or parade or streamers and lights.

Just to be with Me, and those who follow in my tracks.

The generations below me.

 

The past is there.

But, I didn't turn toward it.

I looked instead in the middle space Me.  

 

I am at peace with who I am.

My whole body, mind and soul fully accept and know that how I traversed with my integrity, was right for me.

 

I don't match my rearview mirror view. 

Who I see there isn't who I can celebrate and feel love for on Mother's Day.

 

Before this darkened image hung over the day. I couldn't flick it away or be released from it.  I always stood as a daughter but an un-celebrating one.

 

Today, being asked to do a celebration for Me Day reset my focus.

Me – now that is something I can feel the idea of Mother's Day energy towards.

 

There may be folks who thinks this is a selfish idea.  A very self-centered – I am full of my self sorta ego driven weird parade of one – idea.

 

Unless you have experienced the lack of being able to celebrate a Mom who was someone to celebrate, you won't understand.

 

It is a celebrations of Moms.

Moms who are loving, kind, warm and who see and protect their children – Moms.

 

If you don't have one –  then there wasn't anything to celebrate.

 

Unless, a friend tells you to figure out a way to celebrate you.

 

Feeling like I am someone to celebrate – is a celebration.

I had a few tears on the day it dawned on me – that I deserve to be celebrated.

 

To feel Mother's Day from what is inside of me as a Mom, and to celebrate that.

Celebrate Me!

 

Perhaps this may even seem that I am insane. I am 61, my oldest child is 33. I have been a mother for 33 years, and this year is the first I felt it was a celebration of Me.

That feeling doesn't need a gift.

That feeling doesn't need acknowledgement from the outside.

 

However, I can feel that I have given my children a gift.

They have a mother who they can celebrate.

I celebrated LOVE today.

I am not the usual type of mom, my history is colorful and awkward at times.  I stand out or stick out, or perhaps most, don't fit in.  I am different and see the world through clear colored lens.

I don't follow or lead, I am just Me.

Doing what feels right to me.  

What allows my body and soul to not live a lie.  

Breathe in deeply – a woman who lives her truth.

I can celebrate that.