I M Perfect lady

Author: bjukuri

  • My Lady, my Art and I

    "Art is something you do, that no one can take away" Terry Crews

    Hearing those words on a podcast today, made me emotional.  I felt their truth.

    Art truly is something no one can take away.

    It is personal, and part of us that no one can remove.

    Which is why my fiber art meant so much in the early years after discovering I was abused.

    Learning about my abuse, I felt abused all over again. That the perfect part of me was taken, that I was somehow cheated on being an innocent.

    Creating Art somehow restored the specialness inside of me.

    It was a part of me that will remain untouched.

    This makes me love Art and its process even more! 

    Art restores the soul and that cannot be removed.

    Art therapy, has to know this.

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    On a different podcast, I heard this. "To take something to a different level, you have to go too far, to create a new paradigm." JD Roth

    Meaning, in order to create a new pattern, you have to be "way out there".  I LOVE this too.

    It affirms what I have felt.

    In changing the legacy of abuse, your life will have to be so different in order to really make the change into a new paradigm. It can't be sorta different, but way out there.

    And, the good news, for me, is that I have been accused of this. Of taking things too far, of being so different.

    I know we all know this.  Yet, we don't want to really know this, for it will mean doing things completely different.  If you want to shift into a new paradigm, you will have to be way out there when it comes to doing your every day life. Different doesn't mean kinda sorta the same. And, you will often be alone, in order to rise to a new level.

    "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over expecting different results." Einstein.

    What I believe so many struggle with, is wanting things to change, but not wanting to go so far away from what they are used to doing.  Or for the change to upset or disturb their worlds. 

    And, to be seen as going too far!

    Most just want to have things magically rise to a new level without having to travel too far off the beaten path.

    I love days when I hear things that affirm my journey.

    These quotes feel true to me.

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    I love that my actions and life choices are too far away from my old ways of being.

     

    It is good to know that I have gone too far and that my art cannot be taken away from me!

    Also, on the podcast it mentioned that Art often is the most expressive after a turmoil or an upheaval, when things appear to be falling apart. Artist rise and give balance to darkness.  

    I know this was true for me. 

    My art balanced out my life.

    Art is quite a healer on so many levels.

    The process of doing art for me; is a life stabilizer, where I find joy, love and peace, where I express my unexpressed emotions, where life makes sense, when life doesn't make sense,and where I found myself, and where my soul felt its worth.

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    Doing Art really is a therapy session for me!

    While it is silent; it speaks.

    Through color, design, and motion or emotion – art and I dance to the beat of my heart.

    I learned in art to do things I love, what makes me feel alive, what brings a smile, where joy is seen. And, my life is me imitating my Art – and sometimes, my art imitates my life.

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    (The quilt I created after falling down many times racing in the Great Bear Chase 10K)

     

    My journey going too far, certainly has been much kinder to me, with my Art.

    My art often is the entry point and breaks the silence of abuse.

    What a journey we have been on; My Lady, my Art and I.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Living outside the lines!

    What are my life's greatest lessons; so far?

    What have I learned that has impacted my life, and allowed me to be who I am today?

    Is there something that others can learn from me?

    Am I an example, or a lesson?

    Can I be both?

    Will it not be in the eye of the beholder?

    I learned my lessons well as a child.  

    Lessons taught from the viewpoint of a strict religion, a dysfunctional family and my role models didn't rock boats or go outside the lines.

    My lessons were laced in fear.

    Undoing them has been to unravel my emotional and psychological damage IN HOPES of finding a self that I could live with.

    What I am sure many fail to appreciate, is when you have been emotionally, physically and mentally damaged, you can't know if you will find a self that you can live with.

    One who is at peace.

    Who can find joy.

    A self that feels like contentment and fulfillment.

    A whole self.

    Even if she is imperfect, patched and with scars.

    A person you can feel proud of.

    The woman who left the family, wasn't cheered, isn't seen as strong, or kind.

    So, I had to be my own cheerleader first.

    And believe in my strength.

    Feel my kindness to me.

    In life, our inner circles usually are our greatest support. 

    When you try and get healthy and put up boundaries, in a dysfunctional home, the inner circle will become your greatest hurdle.

    My lessons, were to do differently than my mother.

    That left us at complete and utter odds.

    She still tries to be part of my world.  

    I received my 59th birthday card.

    She says, "Love, forever and always", like words mean something.

    My biggest lesson was to do what she could not do.  

    I don't berate her.  

    I know, what it costs me to walk against abuse.

    I know what I lost.

    Many feel they can be vigilant, be aware enough and stay in and around and with relationships where abuse lives.

    I disagree.

    Many feel that kindness and love and acceptance and forgiveness WILL undo the legacy of abuse. 

    I disagree.

    IF, that worked, there would be no abuse in the world.

    My lesson IS that in order for you to be against abuse, you will have to walk away from those who abuse, who support abusers by being kind and family to them…

    My biggest lesson looks like a big failure, for in the end, I end up without a family of origin.

    I stand alone.

    They end up together, gathering as usual. Abuse a blip on the screen, a long while ago – or are they unaware of new blips to yet another generation?

    Both sides are teaching, and learning, and being examples.

    Nothing goes un-noticed.

    Many will see my life as an example of what happens when you do speak up and about and against abuse – you become estranged.

    Still, others will see me as an example of being free of abuse, a strict religion, inauthentic relationships – a free spirit.

    You will see me with your perception.

    And, that perception can change,

    but, will it change Me?

    Who am I to you, will depend upon how you see yourself.

    I have lived life from both sides now, and I love being a free spirit.

    Your eyes in the group will look at me much differently, than those living outside the lines!

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  • How I grew!

    I grew quite a lot in one year.  I experienced things I had never done before and placed myself in situations that were beyond my comfort zone, and I grew.

    I learned how much more I can do and what I am capable of and how the body will rise to each challenge, and I learned how individualized life is. No one really cares more about you; than you.

    I learned I am not a racer.  Trying to beat time didn't ignite me. I enjoy the activity and time actually fades away. It was fun to be part of a team!  The real racers have perfected their skills and are real athletes!  I am a joy rider!  I love being outside with friends!

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    I learned that I can ride far and carry my own supplies.  I learned that my fears are often huge in my head and in real life; quite small.

    I was quite anxious wondering how I would make the ride, the camping and being among new women I didn't know. Setting aside my fears, it went remarkably well. I would LOVE to do this again. It was challenging, and I learned I need better gear; but it was so achievable!  And, I made new friends and found new personal skills.

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    I wonder where I will ride and camp next year and with who? Who will meet and what new place will I discover?

    And, I learned how to ride a Skegway!  Talk about fun – it was discerning and funny all at once.  In one short hour I felt like a pro! I would totally do this again.  My fears, were falling and going out of control, and none of it happened. I can't wait for the next opportunity to do this!

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    And, the ladies of WIND, did a few overnight camping trips and we kayaked, biked and hiked.  I had to learn how to pull a trailer!  It was easier than I thought; but it does require you to think ahead.  I would much rather have my kayaks on the jeep!

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    And, then I tried the paddle boards out!  OH My, they are much harder than I thought, and I can see with a good hip, they would be fun to have.  I would much rather be on the shores of Lake Superior than in town by a dock and bridge and boats. But, hey I was on one, and I stood up and paddled and steered it around – and fell.  Another fear conquered.

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    And then I was part of a Copper Man Team – Team 49916 – And, my segment was to bike 23 miles. 

    Me among some great athletes again.  My hat is off to those who really get into racing and building a strong body. But, as I learned earlier in the year, I am not a racer girl.

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    There were a few of us who dared to enter, knowing we would be in last place.  I loved the cheerleaders, who recognize the courage it takes to be out of your element.

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    As my 58th year comes to a close, I know that I am a finisher! I have danced with my fears and won.  I dared, (which was my word for 2017) and because I dared, I had a wonderful adventurous year!

    I sit on the eve before 59, I am grateful for all that I did in one small year; not counting all the other less fearful moments of joy, hiking, biking, loving, creating, being.

    Life isn't about being fearless.

    It is about letting your fears ride along.

    Gather them close, become friends and see where you will go!

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    I am so looking forward to being 59!

    I will always look fondly at being 58 and how I grew!

     

  • Being an Artist

    "I am human and I find I have fear ready to escape my throat just as often as stories and solutions. But, when I make a choice, I move forward and, no matter how shaky my voice is, I know the foundation of truth I stand on is solid." Mwende Katwiwa

    It has been 13 years since I broke out of denial and into reality and have been speaking about the affects of sexual abuse and being raised in a very strict closed religion.  And, the first truths were mostly uttered to family. 

    Taking the side of the victim.

    I was able to so easily see this from her eyes, and quickly recognized, it was because I was a victim too.

    I don't believe it was a conscious choice, yet it was. To speak up instead of be silent. To wait for direction on how I should respond; instead I moved intuitively and letting my emotions/feelings lead me forward.

    Something inside of me moved me either further away from some or closer to others.

    I was often terrified to speak my truth. To say that which so many kept quiet about.

    And, still am.

    Yet, the cost of silence is too much. On me and for sure on others who are looking to be affirmed.

    Here is more from Mwende.

    "I’m often painted as someone who speaks out ‘naturally’ and unapologetically.

    But, unapologetic doesn’t mean unafraid or inherently brave.

    Unapologetic doesn’t mean I don’t question myself constantly.

    Unapologetic doesn’t erase my shyness and anxiety after I say or do something that unsettles me, then have to follow up with people afterward with no time to check in with myself.

    I wish I could say speaking out or up is easy, but it’s not, especially when you find yourself the only one having a particular experience or understanding of an experience. It can be exhausting and often isolating, even (…actually…especially) if people support your message from a distance but do little to nothing to work alongside you; if they want you to be the “first domino” but refuse to ever fall themselves."  Mwende Katwiwa 

     

    These past years have placed me in the front of rooms public speaking, or saying things to family, say no – when in the past it was yes.

    Only those who have dared be the first domino to fall, can truly understand these words.

    What looks brave is often extremely uncomfortable; but it is even more so important to speak.

    Who, if not I, will shed light upon the church and how it feels to be sexually abused etc?

    I have listened for other voices, both near and far to join me. A few begin and then grow silent.  I understand.  Completely.

    This road to say what most fear and will do anything to keep silent, isn't for the faint of heart.

    You will become known as someone to shy away from.

    The dangerous one, who has the ability to make others think, doubt and perhaps even too, speak out.

    " In times of dread, artists must never choose to remain silent…There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear."

    It isn't easy being an Artist.

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    Read more here.

     https://medium.com/@mwendekatwiwa/i-was-invited-to-give-a-ted-talk-then-asked-to-cut-black-lives-matter-from-it-c37b73633a9d

     

  •  "Welcome out of the cave, my friend. It's a bit colder out here, but the stars are just beautiful."  Plato

     I love how she was able to articulate the over arching energy of living in a cult for women and children.

    How she was only motivated when those she loved were mistreated.  And, how she had to learn to become  a leader for her own six year old self; as an adult.

    I know, there will be many who will try and defend the First Apostolic Lutheran Church, how it isn't 'as bad as this'. But, the outcome is the same.

    When a young child's self-worth is reduced, and they are made to feel shameful, there can be no redeeming quality to hold onto. 

    I love that more and more are speaking up and finding their own self-worth, along with understanding the lies and control system they were born into.

    And, she wasn't talking about sexual abuse… just, if you will, Religious Abuse. And that was enough for her to lose herself-worth and love.

    Without those two qualities, we see life completely different and we interact in the world in ways without setting boundaries.

    When you have nothing to protect or stand up for, there is no need for boundaries.

    (Hence we make the perfect targets for sexual abuse – we have no ownership of our bodies and minds.)

    I was 46, when I discovered that I did not know me or love me.  And I hadn't even been aware of this.  

    Does it not seem insane that you wouldn't know your own worth? Or, that you didn't love yourself?  How is it possible to be so blind, that you can't see you?

    What I know to be true, coming from whence I came, is that they bit by bit turned me away from me.  

    And, I gladly followed for acceptance and approval.

    I sold my self to be a good christian, daughter etc.  

    It totally matters where your self-worth and love comes from.

    If someone carries your love or a church your value, you are empty of it yourself.

    Even IF it is a negative value, theirs wins over no value inside of yourself.

    The reason, many of these churches and cults reduce the value of a person, is it makes them easier to control. Period.

    The power of the church, is not its teachings and spiritual beliefs etc. The true power comes from leading the unworthy and keeping them empty.

    And, most of these cults and strict religions, use their women and children to be powerful over. Keeping them without a voice and choice.

    The one two punch of many in these cults is to first lose their sense of self and then to be abused.  It is a double blind as I have read in different literature about the affects of abuse.

    And, given these two twists, it is no wonder we can't get them to act as individuals against the machine. There simply isn't a Self to be enraged, to question or have doubts etc. 

    For those who continue to feel that the First Apostolic Church is benign, you are a spoke in the wheel of the religious abuse machine.

    Many who have talked to me about their abuse, while being still in the church, do not want to talk about the church; only the abuse.  Like you can separate the two. What they fail to appreciate is how intertwined it all is.

    I just do not believe you can as easily abuse a fully aware self-loving child.

    Number one, they are not seeking approval and value.

    They own it.

    Pedophiles can sniff out the child who needs attention.

    Sadly, they get the wrong attention. Yet, negative attention is better than nothing. To be seen as something someone desires, is better than being neglected.

    Oh, this blog could go on and on.

    I will end with this, the only way we can heal ourselves after being a member of this church and being a victim of abuse, is to find your self.

    What is so damn hard, is that we have to go find ourselves, we don't know who we are or what we are looking for, and further still, that we are missing.

    The good news, is that if you don't know who you are, it means you have been controlled, and you can now find ways to become you.

    Little by little, choice by choice, question by question.

    Become the person you were born to be.

    If only these religions/churches were benign.  

    Yet, they are gutting us of our inner lights and unique selves… and leaving hollow beings easily controlled.

    When I seen this with my newly opened eyes, it was quite horrifying. No wonder most want to remain asleep under the tree; believing in the lies.

    We really can't wake anyone up, but we can speak about what our experiences are, and those who have one eye open may see or hear something that will get them to exit Plato's cave.

    "Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood by the masses." Plato

     

     

  • Celebrate Love and Presence

    I brought in some of the tubs to start decorating our home.  My granddaughter was helping me, and was excited to see what we would discover in the buckets.

    Bright bulbs, stars, delicate candles, greenery and lights…we then saw the Mangers, and she said, "I want to play with the barn and girl".

    I then decided, we would not  be putting up the mangers this year.

    I wasn't ready to introduce her to the theme of sin, a savior and her 'unworthiness'.

    How have I celebrated without religion in the past 12 years?

    Do I still want the familiar religious decorations?

    Is there a manger message without sin, and a savior who died, to wipe ours away?

     Can there be a new story about a barn, and a girl, and Christmas?

    How would it read?

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    This girl and how do we celebrate Christmas for her?

    As they say, "Christmas is for children…"

    Maybe it is just a barn and a girl, and we have added the meaning in our minds.

    Meanings and definitions that keeps us all at odds and different from one another.

    The animals are animals in the barn she would love to play with; as would the baby be.

    Perhaps the bigger lesson is for me to look at the manger as she does.

    Without the content of religion.

    And, see just a barn and a girl.

    We can put the manger up to remind us to leave religion out of it.

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     Let's decorate and focus on being present, to feel love and give what we love.

    Christmas is the season to Celebrate Love and Presence!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • In reading Brene Brown's book, Braving the Wilderness, she writes about having a strong back.

    "Strong Back"

    "All of us spend our life constantly strengthening our back, softening our front, and trying to listen to the whisper of our wild heart. For some of us, however, the focus of our work will be on developing a strong back. When strengthening our back is our particular challenge, we are often driven by what people think. Perfecting, pleasing, proving, and pretending get in the way of a strong back. Our way to strengthen our courage muscle is learning how to put BRAVING into practice. That work looks like this."

    Boundaries: Learning to set, hold and respect boundaries. The challenge of letting go of being liked and the fear of disappointing people.

    Reliability: Learning how to say what you mean and mean what we say. The challenge is not overcommitting and overpraising to please others or prove ourselves.

    Accountability: Learning how to step up, be accountable, take responsibility, and issue meaningful apologies when we're wrong. The challenge is letting go blame and staying out of shame.

    Vault: Learning how to keep confidences, to recognize what's ours to share and what's not. The challenge is to stop using gossip, common enemy intimacies, and oversharing as a way to hotwire connection.

    Integrity: Learning how to practice our values even when it's uncomfortable and hard. The challenge is choosing courage over comfort in those moments.

    Nonjudgement: Learning how to give and receive help. The challenge is letting go of "helper and fixer" as our identity and source of our self-worth.

    Generosity: Learning how to set the boundaries that allow us to be generous in our assumptions about others. The challenge is being honest and clear with others about what's okay and not okay.

    "In her interview with Bill Moyers, Dr. Angelou said, "I belong to myself. I am very proud of that. I am very concerned how I look at Maya. I like Maya very much." Our work is to get to the place where we like ourselves and are concerned when we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us. The wilderness demands this level of self-love and self-respect."  Brene

     

    I love that she has broken down what we need to learn and the challenge that will arise when we do.  

    What happens when I lose control, is that I begin seeing my life through the lens of someone else.  When I forget to remember that who I am to myself is by far much more important.

    Living bravely certainly has challenges; but once faced and overcome, you will be able to look at yourself and talk like Dr. Angelou.

    I am so much more in like with me; than not.

    And, I am very concerned how what I do or do not do affects how I see me.

    My word for last year was dare and a friend gave me a bracelet that said "Brave."

    Having the courage to be brave IS the most important, in order to change your life.

    The hero's Journey is to become yourself, and to then truly love her, when you do!

    Real bravery is to belong to no one; but yourself.

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  • Journey to be Me.

    Listening to Elizabeth Gilbert speaking about the heroe's journey, she mentioned that most, if not all, are about Men.

    My generation of women are becoming the first who are daring to break the chains and to do differently than the generations who came before us.

    Yet, we have no model to go by.

     

    Today on Facebook, there was a quote

    "Change is gesturing for me to follow

    Waving coming through the open door

    As I stand at the threshold

    The past tugs at my soul

    My heart is torn, which way to go

    A step forward is a new beginning

    A step back grief has control

    Change is beckoning come forward

    What do I do

    I chose to step over the threshold."

     

    There truly is a threshold we pass over. 

    A place where inside our hearts break in two.

    An old life left behind.

    A new one beckons.

    I think, I have been trying to totally leave my old heart behind.

    And, failed.

    I need to allow it to ride beside me.

    Like part one of the same book.

    Yet the silent part. The part without control.

    It's life has been lived. 

    It ended when I crossed the threshold.

    And, a new life began.

    Unfamiliar, but very freeing, and different.

    Very different.

    I get to create this one.

    The other one was me following the pattern set in place, doing what was expected and what was approved of.  

    The difference between the two of us is dramatic and life changing.

    The old me, tries to come alive during family holidays.  It often weeps for the old acceptance and wants to once again be part of my family of origin.  It forgets to remember the reasons we left.

    And, even more importantly, IF I were to cross back over the threshold, I would have to leave the new me behind.

    The freedom, and aliveness of my spirit would not be accepted back there. Back there in my old pattern, self is often set aside for the good of all.  Okay, Self, Self-Love, Self-empowerment, any type of self is cast off to keep the whole alive.

    I am not sure I can articulate the difference between my old self and new in the ways we move through life.

    Especially the difference when you come from dysfunction.

    What goes to keep the pattern in place, goes against the nature of self-love and empowerment.

    And, unless you have left and broken the chain, I am not sure you can know the two separate ways of being.

    I am not so mystified by those who never break the chains; but I am very curious about those who do, and then seemingly go back.

    Yet, I understand the pull of old heart memories and the often unfamiliar place of unknown new experiences.

    There is comfort in the familiar.

    However, if I were to go back, a huge part of me would die.

    The vital part.

    My truest living self.

    It is good to know and see the two sides of my broken heart.

    And, it is good to know, that I am not the only woman who is on this new heroe's journey.

    Women all over the planet are waking up and feeling drawn to follow their inner callings.

    Hearing the desires of their hearts and souls, to do it differently than the women who came before them.

    I would LOVE to have a woman hero in my family. A rebel who I could point to and say "She, she did it differently."  "She walked to the beat of her own heart; was caring less about what others said, did and thought of her." "She lived for her own soul and loved herself enough to walk away."

    Sometimes, we have to be our own heroes.

    I sometimes trip and fall into a crevice of uncertainty and loneliness. Where guilt and unreason try and pull me back.  It is the ultimate struggle on this journey, the old heart ache and the new desire of change.

    Blending both into a woman who the generations below me can see as someone who broke the chain and flourished in a life well lived.

    When I flounder in the puddles of uncertainty, I get lost and lose focus and the path is obscured by doubts.  Family holidays often trip me up. For my journey often can be seen as the opposite of family. 

    And, yet I know, to the depth of my being.

    My journey has been to save family.

    To bring back authenticity, love, honor and respect back to the meaning of family on our family tree. And, the only way a family can have that, is if the units within the family are strong of self.

    Love of self.

    Empowered.

    Free to be who they were born to be.

    Unhooked from any pattern that was set in place before their birth.

    I would have to say, that 99.9% of the time, I am so grateful that I stepped over the threshold to a new me!  The .1% of the time is the heartache that I travel mostly alone; my family of origin isn't with me.  

    In order to be a changeling, I had to travel alone.

    A heroe's journey to be Me.

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  • My Superpower!

     

     

     

    I watched Tim Ferriss on the Ted Talks this morning as I pedaled along… and the part that struck me was the question of "The Cost of Inaction."  

    Every now and again, I have doubts about my journey, whether I am on the right path for me or not. 

    And, this phrase, "The cost of inaction" is very helpful in laying aside my fears.

    There is a greater cost of doing nothing in dysfunctional homes, especially where abuse has become the norm, than the cost of making new choices.  

    What I have gained is much greater than what I have lost.

    Another part that gave me back my confidence is

    "Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life." and,

    "The hard choices — what we most fear doing, asking, saying — these are very often exactly what we most need to do. And the biggest challenges and problems we face will never be solved with comfortable conversations, whether it's in your own head or with other people."

    "So I encourage you to ask yourselves: Where in your lives right now might defining your fears be more important than defining your goals? Keeping in mind all the while, the words of Seneca: "We suffer more often in imagination than in reality."

    I totally agree.

    And, one more that is true in my experience.

    "So around 300 BC in Athens, someone named Zeno of Citium taught many lectures walking around a painted porch, a "stoa." That later became "stoicism." And in the Greco-Roman world, people used stoicism as a comprehensive system for doing many, many things. But for our purposes, chief among them was training yourself to separate what you can control from what you cannot control,and then doing exercises to focus exclusively on the former. This decreases emotional reactivity,which can be a superpower." 

    This has brought me much peace – "training yourself to separate what you can control from what you cannot control."

    Working on what I can control has brought inner tranquility and self-empowerment and kindness.  

    I have given others back that which they control and only held what is mine to change.

    Each time I stumble or halt along my way, when I direct myself back to that which is within my power to control, I am calm. 

    Even when the choices are hard, I know that they will truly lead to a much easier, more authentic life.

    I love that I am living the life of a stoic, which is my superpower. 

     

     

     

     

     

  • Spirit of who we are.

    Shafali Tsabary's new book, "The Awakened Family" has what she calls

    "The Mandate of the Awakened Family."

     

    The time for a new beginning has arrived,

    Where family is no longer the chain that binds us

    But is the earth from which we blossom

    And the sky we learn to fly.

     

    No matter how the family unit looks, 

    It begins with a parent and child.

    A relationship that holds the energy of the sun,

    With the power to break patterns and resurrect the spirit.

     

    The awakened family waits for no one,

    It begins to heal right here, right now.

    It recognizes that these sacred bonds

    Can revolutionize the planet.

     

    "We awaken when we become aware of who we truly are. This awareness brings a realization of how liberating it is to be authentic – to be real, instead of who we think we are supposed to be or who others want us to be. Once we have connected with our sovereign spirit, creating the space for our children to get in touch with their own spirit becomes the critical objective of parenthood. Committed to the manifestation of the true self in each member of the family, the awakened family paves the way for children to own, discover, and express their inner voice, through which they foster connectivity with both their own being and that of others. Cognizant that this right to express their own spirit is the key ingredient for they present and future resilience and empowerment, they become a part of the global evolution of a world built on compassion and nonviolence and prosperity."

    "An awakened parent is one who is aware that the traditional paradigms of parenting, where the parent is seen as a greater than the child, are obsolete in the modern world, producing dysfunction and disconnection in families. Instead, they are willing to be the architects of a new model of parenthood where parent and child are seen as equal, serving as mutual partners on a path of growth founded on increasing consciousness."

    "In an awaked family, parents are aware that every relationship in their family exists to help each person grow. Parents view their children as mirrors through which they are able to see how they themselves need to mature and develop.  Instead of fixing what they see as faults in their children, these parents seek to work on themselves, raising their own levels of maturity and presence. The focus is always on the parent's awareness rather than the child's behavior. This is the core insight of the book."

    "When parents are aware in the present moment, learning and growing alongside their children, the entire family thrives. Free to actualize their individual destiny, each family member lives unencumbered and unafraid. Empowered with self-awareness, boundless in self-belief, liberated in self-expression, each feels free to explore, discover, and manifest their authentic being. The is the mandate of the awakened family." Dr. Shafali

     

    What she writes about in this book is true in my experience.

    Once I began working on myself and becoming authentic, my children became my equals.

    I highly recommend this book for anyone who has children.  And, even for those of us who are the awakened ones within families, to see why it is we couldn't stay.

    I could literally quote the whole book here on the blog!

    She writes –

    "…When children aren't given the space to assert their authentic voice, but are drowned out by the roar of parental agendas, they grow up anxious and depressed. Many of our young people who are so deprived of our acceptance – of simply being seen for who they are – that they self-harm in a variety of ways. Getting drunk, taking drugs, engaging in inappropriate sexual relations, even cutting themselves – all of these are cries for our acceptance. They are manifestations of a deep wantinging to be seen, validated, and known."

     

    What I love about this book, is that she does allow you to look at your parents and to see why it is that we had to become inauthentic in order to survive.  But, she also knows the remedy for it now.  How children are actually here to help us return to our authenticity IF you are willing to present and awakened.

    In fact, she calls the children "Awakeners".

    I love these paragraphs too.

    "To exercise domination over our children is a huge temptation for our ego, which loves to feel powerful and in control. Can we really blame it, when it was raised in an autocratic manner and is now addicted to it? After all, who else allows us near-total control over their life? You cannot do it at work. Or with your parents or siblings or friends. Often, your ego thinks the only relationship you can have complete control over is the one with your child. That's why it tries so hard to exert it. Only with our children do we get to be all-knowing, controlling, dictatorial.  If we only realized how this kind of control is actually indicative of a weak sense of inner power, we might reconsider our ways."

    "When we ignore the immature ways we sometimes behave toward our children, which they consistently reflect back to us, we turn down one of the most profound opportunities to grow ourselves up. If on the other hand we embrace the mirroring of our immaturity that our children offer us, we have a chance to become profoundly altered. The most ordinary, everyday, interactions with them in even the tiniest matters then become a catalyst for change."  Dr.Shefali

     

    What I love the most, is that we are always directed back to our self, for change.

    It isn't about what the child is doing; but our reaction and response to it…or even that we are the cause for poor behavior.

    If a parent can choose to be an awakened one and truly see their child as the awakener, your life will change in brilliant ways.

    It will not be easy; but it will be completely and utterly worthwhile; a journey of a lifetime.

    I have traveled this.

    Lived it and am living it.

    And, I know that my view of my children changed completely.

    To literally be able to see them without the filters of my past and societal expectations, but to see them as they are, is so huge.

    They owe me nothing.

    They don't need to become anything for me.

    There is nothing wrong with them; but perhaps an untold number of things wrong with me and the way I parent.

    Each day, as we move along together, IF I can remain present or struggle back to presence, our family will always benefit. Always!

    This book has the power to transform each dysfunctional family legacy that many of us have been raised beneath.

    When parents awaken, our world will change. This can be the most beautiful legacy you leave your children!

    Imagine a world where children are known as the awakeners!

    Who come to show us back to the spirit of who we are.

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