In all the years of writing on this blog, I haven't been able to clearly see the chasm of misunderstanding. What was its contents and how can we seemingly see the same thing and not at all see it the same?,
In my latest dialogue with a member of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church, in the comment section of my blog post "Exposed" – posted on May 23, 2017 – I may have stumbled upon where the discrepancy lies.
When members of the church hear me speak about the church and my abuse, we dance around the issue and rarely make any headway towards agreement.
Here is what I believe I learned.
The main mission of the church IS the forgiveness of sin.
I know, I have said this a million times.
When this is the first choice of action – It is about wiping away a sin; not about the sin itself.
It is as a brief glance at what they need to forgive; but the main focus is on forgiveness not on the sin.
And, my viewpoint is to SEE the sin.
My focus is on the action and what its consequences are.
When both sides enter into the action, we are dealing with two different places of concentration.
I have been dealing with the Sin.
What it means, how it changes relationships, and the character of the sinner, and the victims. What will be a new response based upon this new information?
While they are dealing with the forgiveness of the sin.
The sinner.
Which really means my father.
This is the dividing line I have felt; but I wasn't able to see why they would choose to focus on the forgiveness and not the act itself.
But, as far as I can recall about the church and its teachings, the forgiveness of sin is the key to heaven. Without forgiveness, you don't enter.
The sins are stated; but there never was a choice of what options you had IF you were a victim of the sin.
Mostly, if a sin happens, our duty was to forgive it; or the sin would then be ours.
This act of forgiveness is not to be taken lightly or figuratively. If you were truly faithful, you would be a forgiving person.
Sins, well, they were never rightly dealt with, at least in my experience.
Meaning there was no focus on the sin and the sinner.
You simply can't focus on the sin, if you are a good church person who forgives. The forgiveness is the proper response; not holding the sinner responsible for their sin
I am once again, not sure I can articulate this in a way that folks can clearly see that there are two distinct paths. One is to sit down with the sin and get comfortable; the other is to forgive and forget and more or less, actively deny it through forgiveness.
I have had a visceral reaction to forgiveness in the way the church has used it.
My whole body has railed against it.
And, I have been made to feel 'judgmental' for sitting with the sin – unblinking.
There have been feeble responses about how the church doesn't condone abuse and that they want the victims to report and speak to the law; while the church itself is built upon the act of looking away from sin – with forgiveness.
To me, that has become the new F word.
For it truly messes with the psyche of victims, when they are unable to walk hand and hand with the sin that has caused so much damage in their lives.
What appears to be a kind and natural response, is literally joining the team of the abusers.
There is no way you can be standing with the victims, while reshaping the character of the sinner by forgiving the sin he committed.
This is why the members of the church are so incensed with me.
I am looking at the sins; while they have been taught to look away.
Their words are reflective of this.
As are mine.
We are both seeing a sin; but our responses are completely different.
I want them to see.
They want me not to see it – it has been forgiven.
If you truly can bend your mind to erase an action, you are now actively in the act of denial.
This is the same type of dual path I have with my family. Most of whom are no longer members of the church, yet its teachings still initiate their responses.
I am seen as one who is stuck in the past, holding on to 'justified resentments' due to my lack of blinking.
How dare I see abuse and set up boundaries in relationships etc.
The act of forgiveness need not have words, for all it truly means is to accept the sins as if they never happened. Keeping the relationship as it always was.
No sin appeared here.
No one missed the mark.
All is well.
We didn't see your miss step, IN hopes you never see mine.
I will pretend to pretend to pretend, you are not your sins – IF you do the same for me.
It is a game of pretending.
I used to do this. But, it never led to the place I thought it would.
It didn't change my father.
My pretending truly never worked.
Truth and realty wins, only 100% of the time.
There are two paths.
Standing with the sins and pretending it didn't happen.
To whose benefit do you think the later is for?
It matters not to me what you focus on, all that matters is what I see.
My dysfunction was denial.
My wellness is to no longer pretend to not see.
I M Perfect lady 