I M Perfect lady

Category: Art & Quilts

  • Women are Rising!

    What I love about writing on this blog are the answers and understanding I get, that I didn't have previously. 

    Yesterday, I believed that we had to change MSU, and found out the bigger and most important change will happen with the Sister Survivors.

    Somehow we often believe our happiness and well being lies outside of who we are.

    That we need changes to happen in order for our worlds to be better. And, this change is often see "out there".  

    They need to….

    Fill in the blank.

    However, if you instead turn your eyes inward and see if you can indeed be the change you want to see in the world, life becomes real.

    You then have to do what you wish others would do.

    It will not be as easy as you picture, but way more enthralling to be part of.

    When victims become empowered, they change the legacy of abuse on their limb of the family tree.

    They end the cycle by showing how to live an empowered life.

    This I believe is the most beautiful thing to witness and be part of.

    The difference between the woman I was at 46 and who I am today, is not even recognizable.

    All the systems that failed me, empowered me to become a stronger me. And, actually defined me.  I had to become a full and acting member of my life.

    I wasn't able to just be a bystander wishing, hoping and waiting for others to change.

    I changed, and it made all the difference in my life.

    I found my own self worth and that is much more worthy, if you will, than if another raised me up.

    I learned to use my voice, regardless of how it sounded to others, it was important for me to speak up. To show the world how I felt, what I thought, and what I stood for.

    So now I see that 200 plus women who spoke up to Judge Aquilina, are women who are well on their journey to becoming empowered!

    What is more exciting than that?

    My mind has a default setting that spins around and around trying to get others to do this or that.  Yet, if challenged, the greater solution always lies within.

    There is nothing more beautiful to me than seeing someone become empowered to be who they were born to be. To rise up and take ownership of their worlds. 

    Dropping the chains and letting go of waiting for things to change, and fearlessly step into their worlds.

    I have more character and knowing of who I am, because I challenged myself to be the woman, I wanted my mother to be.

    I feel my value and understand my morals, I have earned them through facing my fears and doing what I felt was right for me.

    I love the Me Too movement even more, for it is showing the world women becoming empowered. Taking back their power and standing up for themselves.

    Our world is changing, each time a woman finds her voice and becomes her authentic self!

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    Empowered women are rising!

  •  

    A few things I have learned about love…in no order of greatness.

    True love requires authenticity, any falseness weakens it.

    Love demands doing hard stuff. 

    Opening up the conversation about our differences. And, knowing when to leave, for self-love.

    Love is simple; when you allow yourself to be you.

    When you love yourself enough, you always know what to do.

    Love can hold sorrow, when it knows it was the right thing to do.

    Love is freedom.

    Love is art.

    Love is full acceptance of what is.

    Love is courage, for without courage, you can't be authentic or real or do hard things.

    Love loves joy and pleasure and deep hearted sorrow.

    It loves emotions; the voice of love.

    I didn't know love until I knew heartbreak.  And, then I knew what love wasn't.

    Love is like breath and personal to each of us.

    It may be the music of our soul.

    Love allows me to be me, imperfectly.

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    Being your true authentic self is being love in this world.  Happy Valentine's Day!  

     

     

     

     

  •  

    It can be challenging to create a quilt that represents a feeling or emotion and for it also to look inspiring and not depressing, when the emotions are very soul engulfing.

    When we first speak up about our abuse, it is completely terrifying and liberating.

    The weight of what we have been dragging around, colors our view of life and self. 

    To even see a self separated from the abuse is a hard thing to conceptualize.

    I starred at the empty beach that held the "before" and then the two women in the water.

    I understood the freedom they felt and I know the weight of abuse, but how to depict what Judge Aquilina told the girls?

    I first thought of words, that portrayed abuse, and then the idea of rocks came – rocks with words??? 

    Or, just a pile of rocks.

     

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    Is this one pile, just hers – how much do each of us carry when our abuse goes un-noticed or disbelieved?

    Does it grow as we grow?

    Is our soul eclipsed by the weight of carrying the burden of the untold story?

    I believe the weight we carry is the truth that completely opposes reality.

    We carry it until we find someone who will allow us to unburden ourselves.

    Someone who will allow us to lay down our reality, upon a "perfect" institution, family or church.

    They allow our truth to be added, regardless of the cost; Whose reputation is soiled, or whose value is decreased.

    The truth is allowed to just enter in.

    We can lay it down.

    Others will now carry part of our pain.

     

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  • Sunday Art for Judge Aquilina.

    Today's Sunday Art, I wanted to try and depict the sentiment of Judge Aquilina's step into unchartered waters, opening up space for so many victims to break their silence and embrace their truth.

    I was drawn to a water, or beach scene, and then I wondered.

    One lady, embracing her new freedom and into magnificence, or two women?

    How do you depict what I felt?

    Perhaps the safety of standing up in places that were unfamiliar and unknown.

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    Empowered women, empower women!

    We dare take a step when we see others in the unknown and thriving.

    What I hadn't expected after the emotional feelings of her (Judge Aquilina) words was that the tides of emotion would change.

    That the hope I had would die.

    Hope that her words would fall from my mother. 

    The contrast between these two women was too big to reach a place of overlap and my hope fell through.

    Hope in that someday.

    Or maybe.

    And, what if.

    The sheer beauty and the hollow landscape bowed me over.

    We embrace her kindness and then have to feel the space where others were speechless or worse said things that caused more pain.

    I also thought, that the reason her words were so beautiful was that they are rare.

    Which is again so sad.

    How is it possible that we as humanity haven't learned what to say to victims of abuse?

    How can we be so awkward, that kindness bends us down with emotion?

    If only, victims were met with the compassion that Judge Aquilina showed, oh the road to healing would be so short.

    Instead we are set adrift in the barren landscape of silence. For our truth is not welcome, understood, accepted, acknowledged, wanted…

    We can only change the legacy of abuse, the bad legacy of silence, by doing something different.

    It is one thing for the victims to be brave and speak their silence, it is a totally other thing for those who are suppose to listen, how they respond.

    We were offered a sea of grace, a welcomed soul, a caring ear to hear, and words of wisdom in her response.

    Not the sea of grace, where the church hurled our "sins" to be lost forever.  But, a sea of grace that welcomes our truth to be exposed and the abusers to face justice.

    Again, an example of justice that leans towards victims.

    I will continue to work on this piece of art to show the magnificence in being free empowered by our truth – of how one person can be the change we were waiting for.

     

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    I wondered about adding words to the beach, the solid ground we sometimes cling to, the comfort in the staying on the safe side of fear.  Or perhaps words cheering on those who dare live their truth out loud.

     

  • A long way baby!

    My Lady and I were in an Art Show this past weekend.  What a great reception we had!

    While packing to go, I came across a quilt I had made back in 2009, 8 short long years ago.

    She was incredible in her darkness and Art.

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    I titled her "Me and My Shadow". I believe it was for a local quilt shop challenge.

    Either way, the look and feel of this one compared to my latest works is quite remarkable.

    The fabric was dyed by me. (which reminds me, I need to play in Dye again.)

    I see her face, and remember trying to fit the yarn behind the circle.  Weird how I had that concept, to create that way.

    The murky dark colors swirled with light are quite stunning; when you understand that often our art is our subconscious speaking.

    At the show on Saturday, I had a number of people comment on Me.  

    In that, they can't believe my transformation. Words, like glowing, alive, energized, that I swallowed my Art…etc.

    My Ladies, had their fair share of compliments too. How lucky am I that others love how I play with color and design.

    I love that we both are transforming, growing and it shows!

     

    My daughter posted a quote. "You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have." By Oscar Wilde

    This quote is so true, in my experience. I can't know when I will run out of art. But, each time I arrive in the basement to play, ideas abound!

    The enthusiasm I felt from the show itself will fuel me for weeks and months.

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    I have come a long way baby!!

  • Unwillingness to listen

    "The voice for truth speaks to every person on the planet, every single day, and that voice is as loud as our willingness to listen."  Gandhi

     

    I love this quote!

    Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, truth is in the ear that listens for it.

    You truly have to want to know the truth.

    Most often the truth will upset a false ideal you have.

    And, if you are completely in love, committed and faithful to the false, you will not have a listening ear for truth.

    Who knew that the truth depends upon a willingness to hear it?

    I did.

    My words bounce back from unwilling ears.

    Most will attack my knowledge or question my estrangement.

    Those who hear my truth typically are not affected by it. They have nothing to lose to hear me. Those with the most to lose, hear the least.

    If you are willing to listen, the truth will speak.

    I used to ask, "what am I not getting?"  I asked for the truth.

    It is amazing that inside of you is a wall built against certain truths.

    A buffer of sorts built up to protect you from knowing that which is painful or terrifying.

    We then become a prisoner inside of the buffer wall.

    Separated from reality.

    Reality is seen only when we listen.

    I remember feeling that I saw too much. Too much of reality.

    When in fact, I heard to much.

    Nothing was off limits.

    No word was discarded.

    All were accepted.

    Pedophile.

    She knew.

    They knew and did nothing.

    I don't know who I am.

    What I believe.

    Where I came from.

    My own truths.

    The list of things I hadn't heard, all began reciting their lines.

    An avalanche of truths flooded me; the truth felt my willingness to hear.

    Even while I was trembling with fear.

    Breaking the silence, begins with our own ears.

    I wonder if the opposite of denial is willingness?

    Nope, it is agreement, approval, affirmation, avowal…

    Yet, my journey changed completely with my willingness to listen.

    And, the one who I had to listen to first, was me.

    My life.

    My feelings.

    My inner soul.

    When I listened to me, I became Me.

    I heard what I loved, what brought me peace and joy.

    I heard what broke my heart.

    I heard false words with actions that didn't match.

    I heard silence, and no remorse. Excuses and defense.

    I listened to me, even when others didn't agree.

    Our willingness to hear our own truths, is to live with integrity.

    Being unable to live your truth, is to live as an imposter.

    I am not sure how much of reality you can see if you are not aware of your own truths.

    This unwillingness, is the framework of denial.

    Which is why our perceptions of reality are often not the same.

    We only see with our willingness to listen.

    I keep making waves in the sea of unwillingness to listen!

     

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  • Celebrate by Refusing!

    Today is "International Women's Day" and one of their themes is "Be Bold For Change".

    I looked up the word Bold, to see what its expectations are.

    "(of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous."

    Being bold means taking risks and being confident enough to start out.

    I don't believe you have to have the whole route planned; but you do have to know what you want to change.

    Change can be small.  

    And, we each are defined by what is bold for us.

    My bold may not be bold enough for someone else OR too bold and too risky for others.

    I didn't start out where I am today. 

    My first step was shaky and timid; but with great resolution.

    I knew what I wanted, and hoped to accomplish.

    My inspiration was to do differently than the women who, I believe, failed me.

    I was going to be the change I wanted to see in the world.

    Which meant, I had to take risks and be bold.

    I wasn't confident, but I was courageous…just to take the first steps.

    I had to be willing to enter into conversations and confrontations without a known exit.

    Nothing was off limits.

    All was to be examined and faced, as well as accepted.

    I had to be the woman I thought my mother was.

    Morals and values with the fierce determination to up hold them, no matter what or who I had to walk away from.

    I signed up to be for bold change against violence.

    Here are the categories beneath it.

    educate youth about positive relationships
    challenge those who justify perpetrators and blame victims
    donate to groups fighting abuse
    speak out against the silence of violence
    be vigilant and report violence
    campaign for the prevention of violence
    abstain from all violence, physical and otherwise
    volunteer your help at a local charity
    recognize coercive control and redress it

    I have been doing most of this.  

    The second line, "Challenging those who justify perpetrators" may mean family, friends, colleagues. 

    It means taking a risk and speaking out.  It could mean losing a relationship as you challenge someone.

    Typically, it will not be standing face to face with perpetrators but, rather questioning those who stand with them.  These perpetrators do not act alone. They always have a defensive core around them.  Who are you standing with?

    Being Bold For Change, means being an active risk taker.

    I listened to Rob Bell speak of The Third Way

     

    What I got from this, is that there is another way, besides turning the other cheek in passivity or retaliating with an eye for an eye.

    I see the third way for me, was to step out of abusive relationships. Instead of me being the one to suffer the consequences of their dysfunctional or codependent behaviors, I was the one to take my power back.

    He made reference to Roza Parks.  How her refusal to be part of something, was her third way.  I agree.

    I have been refusing to be part of the abuse cycle that has gone on for generations in my family of origin. I am the Roza Parks.  I refused, and be damned the consequences.

    I did draw a line in the cement.

    I am unmovable.

    That is what I believe we need, to end the longevity of abuse.  Someone has to stop it.

    Refuse to be part of it…willingly or unwillingly.  It has to end with you.

    Take the risk and just refuse.

    The energy and momentum that happened when I stopped giving my energies to the cycle of abuse, is quite remarkable. 

    My inner changes, explorations, self-empowerment, and self-worth rose with each refusal.

    You first have to know what you refuse to do.

    It isn't often what you support, but rather what you will no longer stand for. 

    And, in my case, my inner self was so weakened by years of denial, I didn't have an ounce more to give to the cause of dysfunction.

    And, yet there seemed to be an untapped source of boldness towards not letting the abuse by my father define me.  As well as an unlimited supply of courage to stand by victims and myself.  

    Standing up for myself in front of my mother was my greatest achievement…in refusing to agree as she justified her actions.

    Again, abusers are someone we know 95% of the time. 

    Will you be bold enough to challenge your relationships?

    When was the last time you refused to participate by disagreeing?

    Being Bold for Change is a way to celebrate International Women's Day.

    Refuse!

    I looked up the definition of Refuse.

    "Indicate or show that one is not willing to do something.  Indicate that one is not willing to accept or grant."

    What we fail to appreciate, is that we agree by not refusing!

    Refusing, is where new energy flows.

    I refuse what does not empower!

    That's being badass!

    Refusing is an empowering action!

    Women rise by refusing to agree with what insults their souls!

    Happy International Women's Day – I celebrate by refusing!

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  • Artist and her Art

    I had the opportunity to stand with my art in public.  

    This time however, it wasn't connected with my story in speaking out about abuse.  It was just my art and me.

    The background story wasn't the focus, nor was the revealing therapy exposed. 

    Just surface level artistry, or it seemed,  the 5% of me showing.

    The pretty part.

    And, I was judged in a way that I hadn't been before.

    By my art. Period.

    No past.

    No Me.

    Just fabric and design was to be the judge of who I was.

    Those who came didn't mean to appraise me this way, but my art this time was the subject, not abuse or art therapy or women empowerment.  

    And, I was just the lady who sewed.

    My life, it seemed didn't go beyond the sewing machine.

    Artist.

    "Are you the artist"…."Where is the Artist"…."You are the real deal"

    My art and I, were seen so differently.  

    I felt weird to be the 'artist'. To be accepted or rejected by what I did, or more, by how they liked or didn't like my art.  Or, even if it passed the test of being art.  

    With each individual, I had the opportunity to pass or fail, depending upon their experiences of Art.

    When my Art came before Me and my story, I felt that I personally, was not in control of it being art.  They were.

    I and my efforts, were secondary to the outcome.

    I am not sure if I can articulate this correctly.

    But, my art mostly has been shown along with the deeper story and my journey of healing from sexual abuse and my art has been my companion in a very loving way.

    It has been with me in the dark times, the times when I didn't know who I was or how my story would end.  

    Art showed me, I would be okay, long before I knew.  It expressed the most beautiful parts of me, even in our first attempts to dance together.  The small, frozen shadow of a woman, drew from me – excitement.

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    (Art created between 2005 – 2008)

    My art drew me out.

    The me, that was barely visible beneath the life of denial.

    Our intimate journey, has been one where I followed my art.  Figuratively and emotionally.

    My art was my guide.  

    It wasn't art, in its usual sense. It was the vehicle I used to express and find myself.  

    I was almost forced to art, by how I wasn't able not to do it.  

    It was my peaceful place to reside when my world was upside down.

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    These early Ladies were my becoming.

    The dialogue between Me and Me.

    To now place the Art as a flat image seems so surreal, when it has been a soul in fabric.

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    An earlier piece, with great energy, movement and aliveness.  Is this art?  Who cares, to me it gave me more than I could ever give back.

    Me, the artist?

    No, me the receiver of inspiration and esteem.

    It dared me forward.

    With colors, design and challenges.

    It has been the backdrop of my journey.

    The heartbeat and knowing.

    And, yet not the story.

    It held the story.

    and, me.

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    Art has been my nonjudgemental friend. Always succinctly meeting me exactly where I was.  I couldn't fool art and be more than I was.  It pulled from my subconscious my value and emotions and self-expression.

    Is this true in all artists?

    I can't know.

    Art for me, hasn't been art, but the leader out of darkness or into it.

    It has been the explorer and the explored.

    The greatest value that it holds is me.

    My wellness is stitched in so many seams.

    My thirst for hope, peace, love and joy… shout from the colors and designs.

    See Me.

    I see Me.

    Coming from denial of self, art was the mirror of my soul.

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    Who are we, my art and I?  

    Artist and art?

    We are so much more than that and then just that.

    My journey in fabric, the artist and her Art.

     

     

  • The Evolution of Being a Badass!

    "Emotional Agility" Susan David

    "Walking Your Values"

    "Of course, determining what you truly care about is only half the process of walking your why.  Once you've identified your values, you then have to take them out for a spin.  This requires a certain amount of courage, but you can't aim to be fearless.  Instead, you should aim to walk directly into your fears, with your values as your guide, toward what matters to you. Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking."

    I love the visual of Fear Walking.

    In my experience, fear walking is the courage to do that which you think you can't do.  

    It is in the little steps that courage blooms!

    Here is another part that I love.

    "Tweaking little things can have a powerful impact when doing so allows us to align our behavior more closely with what really matters to us."

    "Nature favors evolution, not revolution. Studies from many different fields have demonstrated that small shifts over time can dramatically enhance our ability to thrive. The most effective way to transform your life, therefor, is not by quitting your job and moving to an ashram, but to paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt, by doing what you can, with what you have, where you are. Each little tweak may not look like much on its own, but think of them as frames in a movie. If you alter each frame, one at a time, and put them all together, you'll end up with a totally different film, and one that tells a totally different story."

    "Or, (to continue with the boat metaphor used earlier) if you've ever sailed, you know that a shift of a degree or two can dramatically change where you wind up across the bay. Imagine how much greater the effect would be if you were sailing across the ocean."

    "When our approach to problems is too grand ("I need a new career!"), we invite frustration. But when we aim for tiny tweaks ("I'm going to have one discussion a week with someone outside my field."), the cost of failure is pretty small.  When we know we have little to lose, our stress levels drop, and our confidence increases.  We get the feeling "I can handle this," which helps us become more committed and creative. Equally importantly, we tap into the fundamental human need to make progress toward meaningful goals."

    "In looking for the right places to make these tiny changes, there are three broad areas of opportunity.  You can tweak your beliefs – or what psychologists call your mindset; you can tweak you motivations; and you can tweak your habits. When we learn how to make small changes in each of these areas, we set ourselves up to make profound, and lasting change o er the course of our lives."  Susan

    Okay, I love that nature favors evolution not revolution. That we can, like nature slowly evolve toward our goals.

    I also love that all we need to do are small changes, little tweaks that add up to great change.

    It is in the little moments of life, where you decide to change a response.  One response at a time, literally will change the trajectory of your life.  

    Often, we can't know the impact of these tiny tweaks until you look back from where you once began.

    In just over a year, I have begun to be more active; hiking, biking, skiing, and snowshoeing.  Each small tweak has given my life an overall view that is wildly more exciting.  The places I have been, the people I have met, the trails still to travel, and the new strengths I have found…are huge in the totality of each tweak.

    One small trail I conquered added to the overall picture.

    The evolution of being a Badass!

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  • Truth Be Told

    What would have to happen to end estrangement? What event or circumstance would allow me to find a connection?  

    My first thought, is to always go back to where we broke.

    I can't see it any other way.

    The thing that broke us has to be examined.

    Does it matter if life has moved on, if we have experienced more of life will that change how we look at the event that broke us?  Is it us or the event that created the estrangement?

    Every now and again, a sibling checks in.

    After a 12 year or so separation, I truly don't know what to do.

    How do you begin building a bridge over the estrangement?

    There is a group of women who are helping women in prisons re-write their life story…"Truth Be Told".  I think this writing exercise would also be very helpful for women outside of prisons as well.

    I then, thought, perhaps it would also be a good exercise for estranged family members.

    But, how would it work?

    It seems that the best would be to write our experiences of our lives.

    To see where we are, what we did or didn't do, the choices we made and why?

    How we engaged with life that has us standing where we are standing.

    The only way the "Truth Be Told" project works is IF everyone is brave enough to speak their truths.  And, in dysfunctional families this is often what causes the dysfunction in the first place.  They typically have a foundation of lies upon which it is built.

    They don't even have to be huge lies.

    Just not the truth be told…for the core of the family be poked full of holes.

    If I were to generalize the content of the gaps between my family and myself it would be the lack of living a life where the truth be told.

    The truth be told, no matter the outcome and consequences of it.

    This to me is the solid foundation upon which I have now rebuilt my life.

    The only way back from estrangement, to me, is if the truth be told and lived.

    For the victims to become empowered truth tellers.

    And, to live what they know the truth is.

    I have never understood how anyone can know there is abuse within a family and YET, still part take of its traditions.  To go to parties and celebrate new life events, while the very content of the family is built upon lies.

    Lies of normal.

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    I wonder what the list of writing prompts would be in order to unravel the lies or for the truth to come forth?

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    I wonder how many of the women in prisons were born into dysfunctional families? How many never were taught how to live a life of truths?

    What I also know, is that coming from an abusive childhood, the truth be told, was not accepted or welcomed.  Not when it was to color the family black.

    The quilt above, "Love Your Now" is the first step in awareness. To be with what is. To fully bring in all aspects of you and this moment in time. To be here now.

    What is the truth of where you sit?

    Truth has been my driving force for the past 12 years…my sobriety of denial.

    It has set me free.

    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

    What would you lose if the truth be told?