I am reading "Zimzum of Love" by Rob and Kristen Bell.
"Zimzum (originally tzimtzum) is a Hebrew word used in the rabbinic tradition to talk about the creation of the world – not in a scientific way but more like something somewhere between poetry and metaphysical speculation. Followers of this tradition began with the assumption that before there was anything, there was only God. The divine, they believed was all that was. For something to exist other than God, then, God had to create space that wasn't God. A bit esoteric, but stay with me. Their contention was that for something to exist that wasn't God, God had to contract or withdraw from a certain space so that something else, something other than God, could exist and thrive in that space. And the word they used for this divine contraction is zimzum. God zimzumz, so that everything we know to be everything can exist and thrive."
"We loved the is word zimzum, and we were struck with how well it describes what happens when you're married, The more we talked about it, the more we found ourselves bending and stretching this word, making it our own."
"You meet this person, you fall in love, and you zimzum – creating space for them to thrive while they're doing the same for you. This zimzuming unleashes energy and creates space that didn't exist before, generating the flow that is the lifeblood of marriage."
Chapter 2 Responsive.
"The space between you is extremely responsive.
"We've Drawn this image for responsive as a large, bold arrow toward the other person because everything you do and everything you are affects the flow between the two of you. It's like a finely tuned radar, or the needle on the record player, the slightest notes and sounds amplified along with every bit of dust or smallest scratch."
"People often aren't aware of just how responsive the space between them is. It matters what you say, it matters what you do, it matters what you think about this other person, it matters how you think about yourself. All of it, good and bad, shapes the flow between you."
"To keep this energy field full of life and vitality, you intentionally actfor their well-being. This movement is the foundation of your life together. It's what everything rests on. It's the engine, the catalyst, the energy that keeps the space between you humming. It's what you return to again and again."
"Your emotional health matters."
"It matters when you meet someone, it matters when you're committing to spend the rest of your life with that person, and it matters when you've been together for one or seven or twenty years. Whatever history and baggage and issues you bring to your marriage, they now belong to both of you because when you get married whatever is yours is now ours."
"We bring our entire selves to this space between us."
"The arrow leaves you and extends to them – that's how the flow is sustained. Whatever it is – unresolved issues with your family of origin, addictions, struggles, emotional scars, wounds from past relationships, regrets, destructive habits, unhealthy patterns of reaction or avoidance – it's all there in the shared space between you."
"You cannot keep your issues to yourself. The space is too responsive. It's like a motion sensor, picking up the most subtle movements. You can't hide anything, even if you think you're hiding it."
"It's an illusion that whatever it is, "it doesn't affect the marriage," or "what they don't know won't hurt them," or "it's not a big deal."
"It does, it will and it is."
"You're intentional about your own health because your marriage will only be as healthy as the least healthy one of you."
"As counterintuitive as it may seem, taking care of yourself is one of the best gifts you can give the other person you are married to This includes exercising, eating well, getting enough sleep, engaging in regular practices that feed your soul – these are all essential to giving your best to the person you love."
"This isn't about perfection; it's about the direction you're headed in, the trajectory you're on, both of you – and the two of you together – refusing to settle, pursuing the best possible life together."
"Pain and discomfort and the gnawing sense that things could be better are your friends. They wake you up, they stir you to action, they motivate you to get help. This may mean initiating difficult conversations, finding help in a book, a class or retreat, or seeing a therapist or doctor or spiritual director." Rob and Kristen
I know from experience…tons of experience the fragility and strength of the space they calls "zimzum".
I also knew that 10 years ago when I discovered I had no clue who I was, this space between us was in grave danger. For I was a complete blank and an utter mess in this space.
All that I had brought, I could no longer bring.
All that I thought I knew, I knew nothing.
And, that space still feels immediately when I am out of sorts, when I fly in and spin with betrayal screaming in my cells.
It is like tossing a grenade in a peaceful pond over a small action that appears benign.
On the surface it appears that 'their behavior' is the grenade…when in actuality it is my past unresolved unexpressed emotions and history with my family of origin.
My emotional health and its mindfields disturb the space between us.
I bring this to the space of zimzum.
This is the consequences of being in a relationship with someone who is wounded.
Is it up to the other person to not set of detonation or is it mine to keep the emotions for imploding?
How easy for me, would it be IF everyone never pushed my button, never brushed near my raw nerves, but stood far and clear from my scabs of childhood abuse.
But that isn't reality.
And, it wouldn't be healthy for me to not have the inner soothing button that it is up to me to find.
I am responsible for the energy I bring to Zimzum.
I am also responsible to re-balance myself.
It is up to me to find the cause and source and know its proper owner.
To re-direct my emotions there.
Early on when I fell into a million pieces, it also felt like our marriage lay in scattered pieces as well. My husband was left in a place that knew no familiar ground.
Yet this energy space, this zimzum stretched and encompassed a new me and a different space for me to stretch and grow and evolve.
I know this space is very malible.
In as much as each of us are.
I also know, had my husband not been willing to let me change; if he demanded the old me back, that would have ceased and stopped the flow of good energy in the space between us.
I think our greatest achievement between us as two people has been the ability for change and the acceptance of it.
And, our courage to tackle anything that tries to create negative energy in our zimzum space!
Often times it is the easies to blame the other….and sadly from experience, my biggest problems have always found their home in me. I am the one to blame if you will. And it is utterly 'fixable' if I am willing to do the work.
There is a wimpy part or a tired part or one looking for the easy way out and it seems…separation or 'making' the other change is what is needed. When in fact, the toughest most worthwhile change is needed from me.
I have to readjust my perceptions…about Me. I have to look deeply within and know what about me sets me off. What parts of me are needing my attention? Feel this and know its source.
We are both better when I bring a me under control to our space.
I am even in control when I am out of control with emotional time travelers…as long as I know it is about me.
I M Perfect lady 