I M Perfect lady

Category: Examples of an Imperfect woman

  • Born to Cover it Up.

    A few months back I met with Detective Tom Rosemurgy, who suggested a meeting with a woman who works at Dial Help. She is the coordinator for Sexual Assault Serves…and the Volunteers.  All three of us met a few times, and our last meeting I met the Director, who suggested Volunteering.  Me, volunteering.  I said yes.

    Last night was our first class.  It is a small class, just two other women and me.  

    It will be very interesting to see how they approach victims in crisis, what technique is used etc.  The mission of Dial Help, is to help you help yourself.  Which I guess is the goal for all victims, to help themselves.

    We did role playing and it was very insightful how each of us approached the task of listening and then helping.  We did much better on the second round…and we have 26 more hours to go, plus a full day of sexual assault training.  

    Just so interesting in how we are taught to converse.

    What this will give me is the background and to see victims from both sides and to see what is helpful and what is not.  

    In fact, in each role playing scenario, we had to comment on what was helpful and then what was not, and then an overall discussion.

     "I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand another person."  Carl Rogers 

    This is quote was in our training materials and I love that we need to permit ourselves to understand someone else.  

    What a concept.

    I am finding it very interesting how they approach folks who call in crisis, who are seeking to be understood, and perhaps to even begin to begin in understanding themselves…and where they are or what circumstances they find themselves standing in.

    To me, unless you can see that you are in a mess, there is no mess to understand…or mess to work your way through. And if you keep telling yourself that all is okay, that nothing is wrong, to lay a positive overlay, you will never fully understand yourself.

    And without knowing yourself, you will unknowingly find yourself in crisis.  For, It is my humble opinion, after one class, that most crisis are years in the making….one choice after another, made without consulting you.

    I lived for years without ever truly listening to myself, my guts, my feelings and what I needed.  I understood my dysfunctional self, my co-dependency, but the real me was a stranger to myself.  

    I understood what I needed to do for others to keep relationships going…this me I knew very well.  She lived to support other lives.  

    Here is what Mark Nepo wrote today, that echos this.

    "I began, like so many of us, in a household where it was somehow my job to be the lightening rod for the family's tensions of unexpressed emotion.  In this way, I learned to be a problem solver, a rescuer, a caretaker. Through two marriages and countless friendships, I loved by taking on the clouded emotions of those I loved."

    "The tensions of other people's unexpressed emotions kept me from feeling my own depth and clarity.  My life became one of turbulence, always struggling to keep my head above the cloudy surface."  Mark Nepo

    This was me to a T.  I don't even believe my head ever cleared the muddy waters until my father was exposed for sexual assault.

    Imagine the unexpressed emotions that lived in my father's house?  And then feel the weight of all it. 

    I recall one night in particular, where I felt the full weight of these emotions, the enormous volume of how big this mess had actually grown over the span of my fathers unchecked abuse…and it was that night I let it all go.  Releasing me from 'fixing' or carrying it anymore.   I laid in my bed crying huge wracking sobs…giving up, feeling I was much to little for such a big task.

    It was in knowing that I couldn't solve it, that freed me.

    There was just way too many girls and their lives and their children's lives….that had been affected by this one man, and I wasn't big enough to be lightning rod to absorb it all. It was all I could do to feel my own emotions. 

    It took something this big to collapse my role of emotional absorber for the family.  

    While it felt like I had completely broken down, what actually happened, was the dysfunctional part of me broke…leaving in its place the space for me.

    A me I had never been with, alone.

    It was the second birth of me.

    I could see clearly me…and I could see clearly where I had come from.  

    And I also knew, immediately, that the me who lived for my first 46 years was not the real me, but an impostor, a survival girl, but she was not me.  She was a role I played to keep the abuse a secret…even from myself.

    Once the truth was out, there was no need for survival girl to live.

    This was in the days, where I walked each morning, for my emotions at times were too big for our house. On this particular day, I said good bye to my survivor girl. To the girl who tried to make right, that which was so not right. For the one who carried the weight of it all on her shoulders.  I cried for how in vain it all had been.  How insane it all had been…and then I told her to rest in peace.  It was never her job in the first place…It was a mess that she didn't create and it wasn't her job to fix it.

    I recall feeling such peace in letting her go. For her life was hard…and it never seemed to bear the fruit she planted.

    I also felt such peace at beginning a new life based on me.

    It wasn't that the crisis went away, but my responsibility for others died that day…and what was born was a girl who had to walk through all parts of her life and make adjustments based on her feelings and what was true for her.

    It wasn't an overnight sensation…it is 7 years and counting.

    I woke up in a life that I created to survive abuse, but not to face it.

    Once I faced abuse, there really was no need for this pretend self.

    My pretending self is truly the only thing that died. The one who wanted things to look better, feel better, be better, than what they actually were.  She lived to lie.

    She had to lie so I could survive.

    Without her lies, I would have known that I lived in a home with a pedophile and his wife who couldn't see what he was doing.  I would have been aware, but too little to move out.  

    The mind protected me by building up a pretend self and life.

    I can fully understand so many whose lives seem to be clearly lives of abuse, and how they are unable to see. Their pretender sees life for them.  Their survivor self was literally made to not see the truth.

    You don't even know you have a pretender self, until that which it is covering up gets exposed.  

    The survivor self  then doesn't know what its tasks are any more.  For it has no duties with the truth. 

    It was born to cover it up.  



  • When you have no choice.

    There is a gigantic system that some want to overlook when we see grown adults too afraid to make changes in their lives…the affects of being born into a cult and or an abusive family within a cult.  

    There isn't a normal choice button offered to us…it is removed very early on.  We are unable to make a change without there being drastic consequence.  In fact, the reason we let our choice button get removed, is that we didn't want the coldness, so we capitulated.  We wanted to be loved and accepted, so hence we followed along.

    Now, in order to not be a follower and to stand on your own, you will suffer the consequences you didn't want to suffer as a child.  

    In my experience, you remain silent and submissive, so as to not experience what you know awaits you if you change courses.  Out of fear, you remain the same.  

    It isn't a choice with equal consequences on each side. But one is going to go better for you than the other. 

    Neutral consequences is what is lacking.  It should be about what you want, and not what will happen if you make a certain choice.  This is where the freedom to be silent is removed, and in its place is a burden to bear.

    It is the weight of what it will cost to say what you need to say, that sits with me. 

    We are fooling ourselves and discounting the position they are stuck in, by overlooking this.

    It isn't about the silence or speaking at all…it what sits on the scales with them.

    Which is total manipulation and control.

    Children are groomed to do what others need in order to spare themselves the pain of going against them.

    This part of abuse, I overlooked.  

    Even though I lived it…my life reflects this consequence.

    I totally get and fully understand the fear, for intuitively each person knows what happens if you cross the line.  To overlook this part is to not fully see the whole part of why many give up their power, their lives and their free choices.

    They do so to be loved.  And I would challenge is it love?  My new definition of love is freedom.  If you are not free to speak, free to move, free to be….it isn't love.

    Abuse is when you have no choice.




  • Love doesn’t require Silence.

    When I thought more about being silent/anonymous out of fear…it is more like being afraid to talk, and not afraid to be silent.  

    They are actually safer in the silence than they would be speaking up. It is self protection to remain quiet.  And are only quiet about 'certain' issues.  We all know which topics are non-negotiable.  In each family and in the FALC, we know the cost of stepping out of bounds, and we know in abusive families, silence is what keeps the family together. 

     We can debate about silence and its merits…but I am talking about a group, of what I call, repressed individuals. People who have been raised not to have free access to their minds, their actions and certainly not to be able to freely express ideas that oppose the Church and family.  

    Just being born into the FALC…without ever living outside of its doctrine, has you at a disadvantage.  You are taught to be subordinate; less than.  And controlled by using the Fear of God's wrath and Hell. You are submissive out of fear.  Just as I believe they are now silent out of fear…but this time the fear from the inside or the fear of how their families will react.

    It seems fear is and has been a companion all along.  Fear of God and Hell….to fear of shunning.  And you will pay a price to speak out about family abuse as well.

    Again, we can focus on the silence and dismiss the fear.  But, I feel fear is the key component that keeps victims silent.  

    I know for fact, that there are people out there who will not even dare comment on my blog…or press "Like" on facebook…to be associated with me, like I am the devil incarnated for speaking up…and if they did, it would mean they too may hold similar views.  And they are not willing or able or ready to fully say how they feel etc.

    I am doing their greatest nightmare…using my name and telling it like it is.  I am also living the consequences they fear. Being an outsider in the family.  This the fear that keeps them silent. They are not silent for any other reason, it isn't pride or out of love…Love doesn't require silence.


  • Silence, when it isn’t a free choice, is abuse.

    I was reminded last night, that remaining silent is abuse…when you are afraid to speak.  Silence for the sake of silence isn't a bad thing, but it changes drastically if you are silent out of fear.

    Fear of being punished.

    Fear of not being believed.

    Fear of the indifference, once you dare to speak.

    Fear of telling is the second hit of abuse.

    I hadn't considered that their silence out of fear, is like still being abuse;  by not being able to talk free…means that you are still being abused.

    Each body, each mind, each heart and soul has the right to express itself…and if you are afraid of the repercussions…you are not free.

    Not being free, means someone is controlling you. Your fear is a clear sign.

    And I bet, it isn't that you are afraid of yourself, but afraid for yourself. Afraid at what actions will happen, how you will be treated etc. Your life will change when you walk through the fear and start speaking. But, I am here to tell you, it will change for the good.  

    You will be free from abuse.

    I failed to notice, that the silence was a clear sign, that the abuse wasn't over.  

    For all who are speaking out anonymously…it is a beginning.  One day, you will add your own name…and when you do, the steel grip it has on you will start to weaken and you will find more strength in speaking than you ever found in silence.

    Silence when it isn't a free choice, is abuse.


  • The Story of Becoming Me

    In reading the comments on the Extoots Blog, I marvel at the secrecy and how they hide their identities…while commenting freely about their religion; either why they stay or why they left.

    It is like they are talking about a government that will harm them IF they are found to be in noncompliance…or plotting to leave is punishable.  

    How is this a free religion when fear is so instilled in grown adults…where they are able to vote, drive and drink…but God forbid they speak up about a religion, so they leave their names out.

    It continues to shock me….but not surprise me. 

    Fear is what keeps them hiding their true identity….like criminals almost.  Or folks on TV, who, out of fear, distort their images and voices.  

    Isn't it odd that fear is the overlying sentiment and not enthusiasm for finding a new pathway, a truer life for themselves…or being so happy within their religion.

    I can respect their wishes, but if they only knew how self defeating it is to hide their truths.  

    By standing up and saying their names and standing with the truth of why they left or why they remain inside is very powerful.  

    It isn't about the religion itself, but the power of being proud of who you are.

    I don't know if it is like this when you leave all churches, but it sure seems that there are many people who are not willing to openly admit that they are no longer members of the FALC church and why….let alone speak it using their real names.

    However, I recall knowing I no longer matched the religion and wondered how I would tell my mother, how I would leave and what it would mean to my children to stop going. Funny, but sad…the reasons had nothing to do about me, but more to do about the folks around me.

    Once the investigation about my father happened, the door swung open easily…I didn't stay for others, I left for me.

    I didn't hesitate.  I didn't hide.  I left with the fullest of understanding, what I was leaving…even if I had no idea where I was going or where I would end up.  It didn't matter what others thought or said.  I followed my inner voice, my guts, my feelings and never, not once, have ever looked back with regret.

    How can I regret being Me?  

    How can I regret my truth?

    What I know for sure, is that you can't know what freedom is, until you have experienced being controlled.

    You could say, that religion brought me to freedom. 

    Just as living in a dysfunctional family brought me to know what love and wholeness was…I had to first learn what it was not.  

    Loving that I don't have to live anonymously!  I love that I get to live fully exposed as Me!  There is no part of me I want to hide…

    IMG_3173
    Part of My Story Line Quilts….the story of becoming Me!

  • Will Bring in Awareness

     " Most of us avoid confronting ourselves"  Deepak Chopra

    What a profound statement.  Most of us live our whole lives confronting others and never turn our scrutiny on ourselves; to see how our actions are impacting the world. It is so much easier to criticize others and attack what they are doing wrong, compared to looking straight at your self.

    I had lived 46 years without looking at myself.  Incredible as it may seem, I never, or at least seldom, considered changing myself, but I fully expected the world to change to suit me.  

    In coming face to face with myself and all my actions, be them passively sitting in the midst of a dysfunctional family…or staunchly supporting a cult like religion, I never ever confronted me.

    What does it mean to confront yourself?  And how would it be if the world stopped looking outward, but began looking inward?  

    Imagine if in each situation, we all turned inward to see what we were up to…what is our intention, our fears, our concerns and expectations….and to challenge ourselves to deliver that to ourselves, releasing all others from serving you

    I am very much intent on NoT avoiding me….but in confronting all of my actions, thoughts and beliefs…. 

    Mark Nepo writes…

    "Live in your hands and your mind will learn how to bow like a root."  

    "Several years ago, while doing a poetry reading in New York City, I encountered an angry man who had just seen a woman get mugged.  He was so enraged he wrote a poem on the spot.  A pensive voice from across the room called out, "Yeah, it sure beats stopping the mugging."  I felt there was nothing left to say.  The story points up, painfully, how living in our thoughts removes us from the very real journey of being alive.  To always analyze and problem solve and observe and criticize what we encounter turns our brains into heavy calluses.  Rather than opening us deeper into the mystery of living, the over-trained intellect becomes a buffer from experience."  Mark Nepo

    I loved reading both of this….confronting what your hands are doing is exactly the answer to all life's big questions and then working to find out why.  Confront yourself will bring in awareness.

  • A New You.

    From Mark Nepo's "Book of Awakening", he writes.

    " There is very little difference between burying and planting. For often, we need to put dead things to rest, so that new life can grow.  And further, the thing put to rest – whether it be a loved one, a dream, or a false way of seeing – becomes the fertilizer for the life about to form.  As the well-used thing joins with the earth, the old love fertilizes the new; the broken dream fertilizes the dream yet conceived; the painful way of being that strapped us to the world fertilizes the freer inner stance about to unfold."

    "This is very helpful when considering the many forms of self we inhabit over a lifetime.  One self carries us to the extent of its usefulness and dies.  We are then forced to put that once beloved skin to rest, to join it wit the ground of spirit from which it came, so it may fertilize the next skin of self that will carry us into tomorrow."

    "There is always grief for what is lost and always surprise at what is to be born.  But much of our pain in living comes from wearing dead and useless skin, refusing to put it to rest, or from burying such things with the intent of hiding them rather than relinquishing them."

    "For every new way of being, there is a failed attempt mulching beneath the tongue. For every sprig that breaks surface, there is an old stick stirring underground. For every moment of joy sprouting, there is a new moment of struggle taking root."

    "We live, embrace, and put to rest our dearest things, including how we see ourselves, so we can resurrect our lives anew."  Mark Nepo

    I love the way he looks at things….in how we have to put things to rest, to realize when it is over and not drag dead things along with us in our present.

    And it is from the things that die that there is space for new things to grow.  

    I love too, that burying and planting look the same.  The difference is in the expectations…of sitting and waiting for the new to come forth OR lamenting over what you have lost and buried.

    If you can remain with the energy of planting and knowing new things will sprout given time…your expectations and intentions will come to life.  

    In my experience, if I had not let go and buried my dysfunctional way of life, a new and different healing way of life would not have grown.

    Buring and Planting look the same…it is all in how we view things.

    I was planting a future filled with love, peace and joy…a gardener and not a grave digger mourning over what I had lost.  

    Plant the things that no longer serve you…with the expectations to see flower A New You!


  • Truth was the courage I clung to.

    I would have a hard time remembering me being in the dark about abuse…of not even considering it or being drawn into conversations about victims of childhood sexual abuse.  That me seems so far back there, like way way way back, a woman I barely can recall.

    When I saw  a woman last week and heard her speak in fear of speaking out…it took me a few days to remember, that I once was her.  I forgot the trembling nerves to even begin to begin saying out loud and taking actions about abuse.  How the language was so foreign, and the feelings and emotions feeling like mountains that seemed to crush my breath.  To feel the slippery slope of my life sliding in the direction I didn't want to go, but had no way of stopping…taking me with it very reluctantly for there was nothing to hold on to…air and a bottomless space was all that was there.

    I didn't see me in her…I expected instead for me to be in her.  Which is impossible, without her walking any of my steps.  I didn't see her at all.  I talked to her without taking into consideration she was just moving into the swirling waters of coming to terms with the affects of abuse and its long reaching fingers.  

    I heard Ram Dass speaking to Oprah today, and the way he sees folks now, is that they are all in various carnations.  That there is a soulful reason for the life we are living that is beyond our roles.  That we are here to learn and grow our souls.

    Very intriguing to look at life from the angle of the soul, instead of how we typically see life is from our roles.  

    The more horrific the life; a Master is being born.

    I can see that there are various soul ages…for some are just beginning to awaken to the life beyond what is routinely paid attention to; the body, the mind and ego…our ages, friends and hobbies.

    There is a collection of us who are finding a deeper level to living here…one where awareness broadens and we begin to see more and more.

    When I was less aware…the truth could slip by in broad day light and I would not see it.  It was always there, but I had my attention else where.

    As I visited with this woman, I could see that her awareness was being drawn to the truth…and there wasn't anything she could do to stop it…and it frightened her and she didn't have experience joining it in words and actions; like a frightened child with no tools in her toolbox.

    It gave me the perspective I needed and she helped me recognize me just a few years back…and in doing so gave me empathy in seeing her as her….and me as me.

    She has been in my thoughts….it was like spending time with my younger self.

    Empathy is seeing yourself in others…and wondering what would my younger self need to know most?

    And thinking of this…I think she was given all the help she needed to begin her journey towards truth.  Truth!  Truth was the courage I clung to.

     

  • Robot Will Implode

    On the Extoots blog…http://extoots.blogspot.com was a comment that struck me  "Even though I can't, as an "ex," speak on behalf of Laestadians, let me say that I am so sorry for the pain the church has caused our gay sisters and brothers. So sorry."   

    This started me thinking of all the people that I wrote off or ignored due to the preconceived idea that was planted into me.  This preconception dictated how I would act.  Like a robot, a good christian robot…I operated remotely, without taking into consideration the feelings of those who I would have no contact with.

    I am sorry for the ones I ignored and thought less of or didn't even think about or wonder how it felt to be you…while I righteously marched on with my Beliefs.

    What is even more intriguing to me, is the amount of times I didn't obey and befriended folks not from church and how I felt like I was letting someone down, misbehaving or being a 'poor christian', for I wasn't able to keep the 'devil' at arms length.

    It seems I couldn't win for losing!

    Now, being on the outside, no longer a robot, I have heard many mothers whose children have been dissed and how awful the little child feels and how she can't understand why certain children will not play with them.  The dissed child takes this very personally.

    And the child who has been told NOT to play with certain children is being taught to be racist and gets labeled "good christian" for doing this.

    Looking back on my life, I have had friends from many different walks of life, I wasn't so good at doing the 'only kids from the church rule'.  I would forget the rules and be friends…and most often religion wasn't even brought up.  We were just kids exploring friendships.

    If you sit and really think of all the wonderful people who get shoved aside due to this rule, and how it feels to be shunned due to your choice of religion, it does seem like our church too, owes many an apology.

    How many little children were made to feel less than, in order for a christian child to be faithful to their belief?  How is it right that one has to suffer in order for another to make it to Heaven?  It has a flavor of abuse…in its connotation.

    What does this alone teach the children…on both sides?

    I did not due well in teaching this either… I allowed my children to make friends that they clicked with and allowed them to disengage when something made them no longer get along. I gave them the freedom to feel their way in and out of friendships.  Again, feeling less of a christian for doing this, for not following the rules of the church and keeping not only my friends totally FALC, but those of my children as well.

    Also, one of the factors that stood in the way of 'total FALC climate' was the fact that I married a man who was not from church.  Again, I had broken the rule and followed my feelings.

    What was considered a 'bad' person, is a very loving man…a man who doesn't follow any religion, but lives as himself.

    We never discussed religion.  I never tried to 'convert' him.  And convert him into what?  And he never tried to change me.  We were respectfully our own selves.

    While our union was seen as 'wrong' in the eyes of the church, it taught me that goodness isn't a religion, but rather how a man lives.

    His word is his word.  He does what he says he is going to do.  Nothing stands between him and his feelings…there is no church thinking for him, he makes decisions based upon how he feels, what his life experiences have taught him.  He has no filter that will keep certain folks out of his life…yet he does have boundaries, but they are based upon his own morals and values. Not dictated to him by a church board.

    Thankfully, our family home took on more of his way of life than that of the church. 

    Who knew that one day, I would see that my weakness as a blessing in disguise!

    I wasn't a person to be totally brainwashed….I had a few free cells.

    And those few cells were enough to raise my awareness… this small crack was all that was needed for the truth to push into.

    It is my hope that each person has a crack, a weakness…and at some point the truth will wiggle its way in…and the FALC robot will implode.


  • Blessed this Activity.

    While talking to my brother in the past few days, he made a comment that stuck with me… it was something like, "If parents knew that a school system had a dozen or more pedophiles within its walls, no one would allow their children to attend. Yet the parents of the FALC, are allowing their children to enter into Church and Sunday school without a thought to do otherwise…and to visit each others home unrestrained…due to the simple fact, they are of the same faith."

    My experience of the parents within the FALC, is that many of them are very strict in who their children play with "outside" of the religion and keep close monitors on what they read and see….AND yet, reports of child abuse within the hallowed walls of the Church goes without a wiggle by the parents.

    Their lack of inner scrutiny within their circle of family and friends, leaves the door wide open for the pedophiles to do that which they do.  It is the pure trust and naive belief, that all christians are 'good' people.

    We were taught and made to feel, that all within the religion were 'safe'.

    Me saying that I have given 12 names to the Detective of Houghton County of members of the FALC, mean nothing.  No one has called in panic, wondering IS it my friend, is it my neighbor, is it my family member.  Silence.

    Imagine the outpouring of indignation, IF this number was in a school system in our area….or perhaps not 12, but even one???

    What outcry would erupt and what condemnation would ensue?  But bring up the same about the folks of the FALC, and no response.  Be it minister or board members acting out in sexual abuse and no response by the folks in the pews.  No movement of outrage or "pulling their children" out of the system.  None…that I have heard of…anyway.

    Oh, and the names that I have stumbled upon is without there being an 'investigation' but just by speaking to past and current members of the church.  Imagine if you will, there being a full scale criminal investigation upon this matter?

    It just blows my mind…you would think that the church would be empty each Sunday…instead parents continue to deliver their children there by the van loads. 

    Why???

    Why are they not concerned about the children???

    Why do they not respond within the church about protecting their children, when they do so on the outside?  I have seen members of the FALC, within the schools "Opting Out" of movies, books and field-trips, that would 'negatively' harm their children…and these same parents blindly and without question do nothing about the 'reports' and talk of abuse by fellow church members.

    The juxtaposition of their 'caring' is absolutely insane.

    It seems that there is a huge blind spot and this long held belief, that ALL evil is outside of the religion…and they refuse or are incapable of making a move against their religion.  And while this sentiment lies secure within the parents, the children will continue to be put in harms way.

    Imagine, just having parents who are members of this church will almost guarantee you will be abused.  I say this, for 45 years ago in my neighborhood, abuse ran rampant between the FALC homes…and not one parent made the move to report their church member to the police.  Not one family removed their children from the church or neighborhood.  And all, if not most, of the neighborhood children suffered abuse.  

    And is this still true today, 45 years later?  

    Is there an outcry and outrage within the church, that abuse must stop?

    Is the church empty like a Monday morning church?

    Or is it christianity as usual.  For what I have experienced is that IF you bring up a church member, the eyelids shut, the ears turn off, and indifference arises.

    It is like they have been trained to NOT respond. 

    You can not get them to move and become activated and these are the same staunch unmovable folks we see in the schools.  Honest.  I have been on the school board, and you would think, that their children are so protected, that by watching a movie based on a book,it would corrupt their fragile minds.  

    And yet, tell these same parents about abuse within the church and they remain unmoved.  It leaves you wordless.

    This is my mother. She was so righteously critical of TV, Movies, nail polish, earrings and 'evil' influences…while being married to a pedophile.   

    Trying to reason with such unreasonable beliefs….bends your mind.  Surely my sense of self would not have so tragically affected by wearing earrings as it was by me being abused…or my fingernails painted a pretty pink.  How to wiggle into these twisted minds and pierce a part that will awaken them to their own insanity, truly leaves me perplexed.

    How to convince them they see evil in very benign things and then not see evil where it truly lives…it lurks not outside of the church or in some case outside of the family, but it is what you have known and trusted all along.  

    Evil doesn't live in nail polish or earrings. These are not the devils of the world…the devil is inside of your congregation.  It has always been there, so you can't see it.  It isn't different or strange…it has blended in perfectly.

    Chances are the pedophile was abused as childhood church member….and now is an adult church member, passing on what he learned within the churches families.

    You will not be able to spot 'odd' behavior, for he is acting as he has always acted. You all are familiar with the familiar, so you can't see unusual.  It is like you were born and raised in midst of a pedophiles nest….born in captivity and given the rules as to how to behave….they have you all convinced Evil lives outside…which has given them free reign inside.  While you are intent and vigilant to keep the children free of nail polish and earrings….they are abusing them.

    Somehow the sins of abuse is not addressed, ever.  No movement is made when a family is known to have these issues.  Imagine, though, If a family was handing out nail polish to all young kids or piercing their ears at sleep overs??? Oh My God, they would be quickly dealt with.

    The greatest destroyer of your children's lives…is abuse, and this is not addressed and removed from your church.  Why???

    The numbers are increasing at such an alarming rate….and no response, but singing in church.  What sits with me the most is your indifference.  It is like you all have blessed this activity.