The stressful thought is if my husband does nothing or if my husband supports friends of this cheating husband, my daughter will not be able to find her integrity, that he is a sign post of ambivalence.
I looked up the meaning of ambivalence.
1. conflict of ideas or attitudes: the presence of two opposing ideas, attitudes, or emotions at the same time
2. uncertainty: a feeling of uncertainty about something due to a mental conflict
The coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, toward a person …
Do you know, I did not know that ambivalence was uncertainty or the coexistence of opposing attitudes.
I thought ambivalence was more like indifference or a knowing and not caring.
Ambivalence is exactly what my husband shows, conflicting ideas or attitudes.
And his ambivalence has me feeling uneasy and even my viewing him in a new light has put me in my own place of ambivalence towards him.
I no longer am sure of my feelings towards him.
My ambivalence is showing.
It seems we feel ambivalent when there are conflicting positions both within him as well as between him and I or visa versa, ambivalence abounds.
We can’t know how this all ends, for it all depends on what we pick and what we have to compromise on and what is being asked in front of our integrity.
I believe it is easier to sit with ambivalence, undecided, unknowing, than it is to sit with knowing and not caring.
I understand the wrestling match that can go on for a long while, for we continually compromise small things in order to get along, but there does seem to come a time when all bets are off, when the relationship is asking too much or we lose too much to maintain that relationship.
My husband’s experiences in life hasn’t required him to divorce folks who were asking him to chose his innocence over the man who abused him.
And in fact my learning how to walk away from an abusive family has strengthened my knowing that relationships can cost you your self. And sometimes in order to save yourself, you have to walk away.
We have lived with much ambivalence in the past 6 years for sure, in fact we learned to not promise love, but I love you today, for we understood that love is an individual and personal thing, and there does come a time, when we part to save ourselves.
I can’t predict the outcome, but I can see the ambivalence line waving in front of us, the line is there and which side will we pick?
While my husband sits in ambivalence, I have already chosen my side, and I am not sure what or if I will be asked to compromise or if I will know it is time to go.
Interesting to know that I am not anxious or wanting to control, but that I am feeling the feelings of ambivalence.
The feelings of unknowing which way this will go.
And if our relationship can handle the outcome, but what I do know is that so far I have always been further ahead leaving and maintaining my sense of integrity.
My ambivalence is he being ambivalent and not choosing sides, but you know, this is his greatest feature, to slide and not chose sides.
Is that possible to not have to pick?
To live in ambivalence?
I used to live there, so I guess it is, until the Universe asks you to choose, you can live in both places, get along with both sides, float over the line unless there are repercussions, no harm is done.
Maybe he never has to pick.
Maybe that isn’t his way, but it appears to be mine.
I am grateful I am no longer lost in ambivalence, I am happy I found a place for me to stand.
I M Perfect lady 