I M Perfect lady

Tag: awareness

  • Willing to Hear.

    Two years ago on Easter Sunday I began this blog. At the time, I felt that I would have something to say to help other women who found themselves lost in their own lives, and instead I have found it was all for me.

    The amount of clarity that I have gotten from asking questions with an open mind, willing to explore and delve into thoughts and beliefs is beyond what I could have imagined.

    The blog seems like a very trusting confidant and yet the key in keeping it real is that it is wide open for all to read.

    Writing to me has become another Art form and something that I believe will now be part of who I am…an Author who helps me be me.

    The truth arises when you are willing to not know the answers…but willing to hear.

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  • Valley of Evil

    Reporting – is to tell about what happened: to give information about something that has happened, an account or statement describing in detail an event, situation, or the like, usually as the result of observation, inquiry, etc

    How well do you report your life? What is your observation deck, is it the mind or can you step back and witness the whole scene and see your part in the mix of the whole?
    Can you report from your inner view and share all the details, or do you gloss over the rough spots and expand on the lighter moments.

    Are you an in depth reporter and can you speak your own truths, do you even know your own details? Do you dare become an investigating reporter in your own life?

    It seems we are more comfortable in the valley between both truths, yours and mine.
    A place where life is lived on the thin surface, where feelings are not shown and reported, where no hard questions are asked or expected, where details are of weather, dress and food…the space where life isn’t happening.

    What I find so interesting is that the truths from both sides fly over this valley are heard but not believed, are seen but overlooked, are felt but quickly numbed, it is the place where truths are not held and they quickly are ignored.

    No one expects you to hold on to reality in the valley, it will ruin many a pretend relationship if you do so.

    The perceptions from here are very distorted and absent of truthful facts, a report that leaves out the most pertinent information for the goal of the valley is to be kind and loving…at all costs, even if means leaving reality behind.

    At times it seems that I am living in a dual world, where people speak a totally different language than I and that I can see and hear what others blatantly overlook, it is like I am a reporter of reality and they are reporters from the valley’s floor where they don’t hold on to facts as being real.

    My mother had said we have two perceptions and she was totally right, in her world truths were known but not held, they were looked at quickly but not dwelled upon, so life could return as quickly as possible back to ‘normal’.

    My perception is much different, I report differently, I see things and hear things that I do not disregard.

    The meaning of the word Perception.

    Perceptions -perceiving: the process of using the senses to acquire information about the surrounding environment or situation result of perceiving: the result of the process of perception impression: an attitude or understanding based on what is observed or thought.

    Interesting to know that perception comes from the process of using the senses.

    Using your senses…but what happens if you are detached and disconnected from your feelings, then what? What will you then use to guide your peceptions or how right on can they be?

    It is interesting to know that we all percieve the world based upon our connection to our own inner sense of self.

    The further from your self you are, the further off base is your perception. And to me, the more you disregard your truths, the further from self you go and the more off base are your perceptions and more you out of line with reality you go and deeper into the valley of pretend.

    I was a residence of this valley for 46 years while living in reality, I had no clue that my perceptions at that time were distorted, that they did not match reality, but instead fit perfectly with the image in my head.

    When the image in my head exploded it left me standing in the valley of pretend but aware…aware of how off my perceptions had been.

    I was aware of all the distortions, all the false images, it was like waking up in a nightmare, where all the good became evil and the evil good…where truths became my friends instead of my enemies.

    All the things that were kept hidden were revealed, to see the old sins resurface unharmed, truth flooded into the valley in my mind, there was no place to hide.
    I was flooded with awareness of how unaware I was.

    The view of the valley of looks very different standing on mountains of truth, it looked like the valley of evil.

  • Live in life.

    When I sort mail, I stand in a U shaped area (Case) with six rows of little slots, one slot for each mailbox all in order of my route.

    An apartment complex of 10 was added to the beginning of my route and I had to make room for it by moving every slot about 10 or so inches to the right, starting with the last one.

    It is surprising how small of a shift there was and how it threw my whole memorizing off, all my instincts of knowing are no more, I have to relearn it all again.

    I wonder how long it will take for my mind to become comfortable with this new routine? What an incredible mind that it can relearn and toss out the old obsolete info that it will follow if you are determined.

    My head actually hurt again from having to concentrate and do the hunt and search routine, and by the end of two and half hours it was already catching on.

    The name would appear and I would know which way to turn, it remembered to remember there was a new place to go to.

    The flexibility of the mind is similar to the body, it will follow your lead, and it is much more your desire to learn than its ability.

    You can become comfortable in a new routine, all it take is time and the willingness to try.

    In a week or so, I will be able to almost mindlessly toss mail, and it leads me to wonder, if you are not putting new things into your life, are you almost on Autopilot?

    What keeps you repeating the same things, being comfortable in the rote like life? How is it that we feel most at ease when we are mindlessly following our normal routine?

    It seems so counterintuitive to living to be on remote, just repeating and repeating, it is like we are stuck in a grove in an old Record Album, ‘same life, same life, same life.’

    Isn’t it odd that we call this living feeling the most comfortable with ‘No Change’.

    And can you actually call it living if there is no growth or change?

    Just as my mind was brought to the present with the slight changes in my case, I am sure that by doing new things in other areas of my life, my mind will awaken in the present and engage in a new way.

    Just as I do yoga for my body, I will have to bring my mind to new places to give it exercise too…I am open to the new possibilities.

    I guess it is up to us whether we coast along or look for new ways to live in life.

  • I see me

    “Tolerance is another word for indifference.” William Somerset Maugham

    I am not sure you can have tolerance unless you are indifferent.

    Indifferent – without care or interest: showing no care or concern for or interest in somebody or something.

    I am looking at abuse and addictions from the point of the person who is on the receiving end.

    Usually abuse is looked at from the point of the abuser or addictions from the point of the substance.

    We forget to look closely at the person who is getting abused and why they have the tolerance or seem indifferent to the blows and words that are hitting them; it is because they are without care or interest for their self.

    They are indifferent to their own life.

    They show no care or concern for or interest in their own life.

    My question is when did they become so careless?
    When did they let them selves go?
    What happened that they no longer care?

    What I can know in my life is that I don’t even recall a self; I was too little to know I had a self to hang on to, to care about and to care for, and it was gone.

    My self was gone before I even had a chance to know it and know that there was something to protect.

    When a child is raised in an environment where the adults are indifferent to the child’s needs, we then become indifferent to them ourselves.

    Imagine, parents who are indifferent, without care or interest: showing no care or concern for or interest in somebody or something…and that somebody is you.

    We learn indifference.

    How they treat us is how we treat ourselves.

    We learn how to not care or show interest in our selves.

    In fact in order to survive, it is best to not have a self.

    For a self would feel their indifference and we don’t want to feel their indifference.

    It is easier to be without a self, to live in a pretend space, making believe that they care and the only way you can believe that story is to be separated from your self.

    To deny your body, deny your feelings, to not be connected to the self.

    A self who is not there will not feel their indifference…but lke the old saying goes, “If a tree falls and no one is in the forest to hear it, does it still make a noise?”

    In the same manner, if a child isn’t there to feel the indifference, does the indifference still happen?

    If a self is unaware does the indifference still affect them?

    When you are indifferent how can you know indifference?

    I don’t know what was more shocking their indifferences or me not caring for me, for me to see the lack of interest in my own life and wellbeing.

    I was indifferent to my whole life…and had to bring me back to my world, to undo the indifferences and learn how to care.

    In caring I found me.

    I am no longer indifferent… I see me.

  • Discovered the real me.

    I listened once again to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor speaking to Oprah about her stroke and how she lost all contact to the person she was before the stroke and was left as an infant in a woman’s body, unknowing who she was.

    What struck me were the differences between the two Jills and how I can relate having lived as two of me.

    We both like our second self much better than the first and it took her eight years to grow her second self, and then parts of her old self memories filtered in, but by then a whole new her was in its place.

    My experience wasn’t quite so dramatic physically, I didn’t have to re-learn how to walk, talk, read and write, but my self -identity was equally destroyed, my past all a fraud.

    The me I thought I was wasn’t real and the real me was nowhere and I had to get myself away from the false relationships and places that abused me.

    My healing relied on me walking away from family.

    Her mother came and mothered her a second time and fully embraced her where she was, an infant who needed to be taught all over again. They mourned the loss of her first self, but never expected the second one to be like the first, but a new Jill.

    While they had a second mother and daughter relationship…my mother and I went our separate ways.

    In fact my new self and wellness depended upon whether I could separate myself from my family of origin, the family who created the false files.

    My old self drew its energy and life from being in the old relationships and in doing all the old behaviors and my new healthy self emerged from walking away.

    The tricky spot I was left standing in, was that I knew the old self, and yet the old self was built upon lies, and I had no clue of the new self, but the new self depended upon me walking away from all that I knew.

    I had to learn how I grew wrong to then grow correctly the second time.

    My whole world crashed around me, and my left hemisphere (the storyteller of who you are) was all wrong and it led me to cling to the right hemisphere where intuition, nature, being, now, artistic, and pictures lived.

    While she didn’t understand words, I didn’t trust them.

    Dr. Jill spent 8 years connecting back to the Left side and I have spent 6 years disconnecting from files that were all wrong and then filling them with new contents or meanings.

    I find it interesting what I have learned from her stroke experience, how the brain works and where the self lives.

    What I feel makes a great self is when you occupy the right side most of the time and use the left to communicate.
    We both learned that we couldn’t live unattached to the left side, even though the left side was so damaged, we had to bring it back in order to live whole.

    Somehow hearing Dr. Jill speak of never expecting the second self to appear like the first, took away an unconscious fighting that had been going on within me that it was almost adultery to accept the new me, like I was cheating on the old self.

    My love of my old self and my love of the new self were at odds…it has taken me time to get used to loving the new me, while unloving the old me, if that makes sense?

    There is a wistfulness at times when I struggle to do what my new self needs, a wanting the comfort of being used to this new self.

    While I see my husband in new eyes, it isn’t him, but the eyes looking upon him.

    It is strange to have a new me in an old life and to feel the new self being rejected in places the old self was accepted and it is harder to find confidence in the new self’s love.

    This self loves differently, this self sees differently, this self believes differently.

    This self was grown from the wisdom that my first self experienced.

    I would not be the woman I am today, if I hadn’t lived as the first self first.

    As I learned how she grew to be that way, I discovered the real me.

  • Blanket of White Light

    I just awoke from a dream in which I was conversing with my mother, part of the dream she was there, the other she was on the phone, it vacillated back and forth.

    There was a lot of over talking where our loud voices drowned out the other; it portrayed pretty accurately how my feelings would react to her words and sentiments.

    What I feel the most is being washed over by her needs, like a heavy pull into her very twisted life, or being sucked into a vortex, while what I need the most was the serene peace away from her.

    Yesterday I heard about twenty minutes of an interview that Oprah had with a child suffering from being too sensitive to negative energies, and how he stated that he has to steer clear of negative people or their energies will invade his life and overtake his calm peace.

    He profoundly spoke of using White Light to surround himself and how this keeps the negative energies away.

    (I just went to http://www.oprah.com and watched him talking to Oprah about negative energies and White Light…it is at towards the ending of the write up and you can actually watch him.)

    His simple description of wrapping himself in White Light prevents him from being spun out of control by negative people and things, equals my backing up from many in my family. Once you know where the drains are we need to steer clear.

    What he also stated is that negative energies feed off of the calm energies…. When you put this into practical practice, you can see how pedophiles feed off little girls, and it changes them once the negative energies are allowed in, it alters their balance inside.

    It is clear to me the visual of dark energies and how if you are not aware, will be sucked into them and their world, how you will serve them and leave your calm peaceful self behind. As a child you are unaware of what even happened, and sadly in the case of the monster in the home, you can’t escape the negativity, you are saturated in it.

    This also seems to explain even my daughter, how her good energy was slurped up by his negative life situation eventually darkening her, changing her brightness, and dimming her.

    The little boy speaks of doing the White Light by saying and knowing he is calm, love, awesome, cool, wise etc.

    This is how we overpower the negative, by knowing who we are.

    In his case he is overly sensitive to anyone who is carrying negative energies, and that even in his home, his parents have to try and be peace, love and joy, for if they are worry, fretting and anxious, he feels that and responds.

    This brilliant example shows how our energies affect others.

    How I had to back up from my original family to maintain my inner peace, love and joy.

    And oddly enough it also shows me that my husband is right on track, when he said that our home had to be the safe haven for my daughter.

    My greatest feat in all of this, was to continually push away the thoughts and fears, and settle instead of keeping it a normal peaceful place to be and for me to match that peace as well.

    Our home had to be a White Light zone.

    My dream of the vortex of negative energy and how it wants to dance with my peace by washing over me and leaving nothing but a shell remaining.

    Unless I speak up, saying loudly and clearly, I know who you are what you want and I refuse you entrance in my world.

    My intent 6 long years ago was to go forth with Love, Peace and Joy, what I didn’t know then was that I was hooking my wagon to White Light.

    All my choices from that day forward had to match peace, love and joy inside. If I didn’t feel at peace I didn’t make that choice, be it mother, father, sister or brother, I let them all go for my peace.

    Now I know I was choosing to wrap myself in a blanket of White Light.

  • Choices we make.

    What I want to know is do we all have the same choices and the same mechanism that selects them?

    Is it possible that some of us have choices while others do not?

    What makes some of us change our choices and others continue selecting the same ones over and over like ordering the same thing from the menu of life?

    Is there a moment in time when all the choices we have been selecting seem distasteful and we then meander to another part of the menu?

    What happens to us inside that creates the desire for something new?

    Something changes inside of us, something happens to the mechanism that chooses.

    Looking back with 20/20 vision, I can see how a new truth landed inside of me, demolishing my old choice maker.

    All my old choices seemed useless, inauthentic and utterly distasteful.

    Those choices created an illusion that deflected reality.
    In order to walk hand in hand with the truth of reality I had to change all my choices.

    So, was it that choices were limited before or was the truth limited?

    Was my mechanism broken or designed to create illusion?

    Is it possible that we choose based upon our level of awareness, that the choices are always there, we just are unaware?

    All I can know is that my choices are just as limited now, for I feel akin to sticking with my truths, to being authentic with my feelings, to aligning myself with reality.

    My old options are still available but I have lost the taste for them.

    Guess at the end of the day we all make choices based upon what we know, what we feel and our own inner truths.

    It isn’t that the choices are limited; it is that we limit our choices.

    And each of our lives is reflected of the choices we make.

  • Where I stopped caring for me.

    As I read back a few days in my blog, I saw where the trimmings had a hold of me and almost ruined Christmas, and then the actions and expectations did the job the trimmings had started.

    It is like negative energy travels from item to person to thing, to any place in my world to latch on, and if I am not aware where my power is, it slips in and takes over.

    What I believe happens as well, as the busier you are the more unaware you become, so busy doing you forget to be.

    My Christmases of past were very busy doings, they wore me out to the last drop of energy, it was what I thought was needed to make a great Christmas to do over and beyond what you normally do.

    To put your self into trimming the house, oodles of gifts, baking, card sending, wrapping your self up into a dozen places until there is no you left.

    Exhausted and depleted.

    A manic Christmas cheer.

    Taking the season of giving into a manic state of doing and overdoing and then doing yet more.

    This holiday season is a playground for those of us who have ‘responsibility addictions’ who feel we carry the power to make others happy. It is like a drugstore of places for us to get our hits.

    There should be a warning label on Christmas.

    “Be careful not to give your self away.”

    I had a very odd dream on Christmas Eve, well actually very early Christmas morning, as I awoke from it, it left me knowing its content was a metaphor for how I lived my life.

    It isn’t a nice dream, but I will state it here anyway.

    I became aware I was in the back of a station wagon, face down, naked from the waist down, I was a young girl and I was watching a man approaching the side of the car, the windows are open and I hear him say my maiden name. In the middle seats are young kids, and the feeling I have is that I will offer my body to him to spare them. He climbs on my back and does his thing. I don’t feel anything, except that I am making him happy.

    When I awoke from this dream it seemed like a complete metaphor for my life.

    How I will be a whore for another and I will do so to spare another pain, I will abuse my body for the sake of others.

    It stayed with me this ugly dream on Christmas day.

    Its contents a visual of how I navigated life in co-dependency, how I will use my body in two ways for the pleasure of others and to spare pain for the innocent, to protect them I will abuse to my body.

    How others use my body was clearly displayed with my approval and willingness.

    Perhaps I needed that shocking dream to wake me up to how I get lost in another’s life.

    And what was so telling was the age of this young girl, as I caught sight of her in the rearview mirror, very blonde hair and young body, her flat chest, being strong beyond her years, willing to suffer for another.

    Courageously selflessly boldly the sacrificial lamb.

    Perhaps I don’t have images of my child abuse, but this is as close as it gets.

    And what I feel was that I truly didn’t focus on his deed and my pain, but his happiness and who I spared.

    What began at the moment of abuse was the fragmentation of living life for self.

    It is there my responsibility gene was developed and pruned, where I became the pleaser and the saver.

    Where I stopped caring for me.

  • You are What you Love.

    “Don’t just make up your mind, make up your heart” Argisle

    I am reading a book, “You are What you Love” by Vaishali, and it is interesting to read that we have two choices, listening to our minds or listening to our Hearts.

    And what you are listening to you love.

    Page 42, Chapter Ultimate Truth & Ultimate Lies.

    “The ego will always direct us towards the limited outcome just like we trained it to do. These ego-based stories, conclusions, thoughts and beliefs are now charged with the energy of our attention, which makes them the wound in the wave. The use of awareness that makes this impression or mark on the psyche is an incomplete action. In Hinduism and Buddhism, incomplete action, or incomplete cause and effect, is called karma.

    We can visualize the impressions as a kind of karmic map of mind. If we want to know our biggest nastiest karma, just look at what our biggest nastiest belief is about ourselves, about life, about relationships, about others and we’ve hit pay dirt. The ego is a lot like CNN but without commercials. If you watch your mind, your wave, it will parade in front of you all the news you have trained it to program and air over and over and over again, ad nausea.

    There is a relationship between unconscious and accumulating karma, and being conscious and burning off karma. It all depends upon what you are doing with your awareness. Let us approach understanding what happens when we are unconscious as the accumulation of incomplete cause and effects. When we are unconscious, we are not in the present moment, we are not accepting what is from an open Heart. When we are unconscious, we are listening to the ego’s limited, tiny version of reality from the head place. This is not what we came her to do with our will, love, service, and life purpose. It is therefore and incomplete action.

    When we are conscious we are in the present moment with what is from an open Heart. When we are conscious it is the Flame of Pure Awareness, the Heartfelt wisdom from the feeling place within, that observes with gratitude the perfection of every given moment. Since this level of conscious practice is the highest function behind the design and creation of the physical world, it is what we came here to do. It is therefore a complete action. Witnessing what is from the Heart is the conscious action that burns off negative and incomplete karma, which accumulates when we listen to the ego from the head.

    Incomplete action or duality happening within the wave would look like this: I give my attention to thoughts and beliefs about who and what I am; I give my attention to thoughts and beliefs about who others are, what life and relationships are; I understand myself, life, world and value system through the deeply trained habit of seeing everything from the subject/object perspective. This would appear internally as an inner dialogue that sounds like, “I am a successful attorney, superior to the dregs I squash in court. My power is that I command respect and am a force to be reckoned with in the courtroom, even though I respect no one other than myself. I drive a sixty foot long Mercedes and I live in a multi-million dollar mansion, in case you are interested in seeing my value and worth measured against yours. This behavior and these possessions make the appropriate statements about my obvious superiority and importance.” The dialog could run in the reverse direction, “I am a lowly piece of shit that no one could possibly love or respect.”

    With incomplete action, a person’s awareness goes out into the exterior world and touches an object: another person, house, care, whatever. Incomplete action occurs when the awareness coming back to the person tells them that whatever they perceive is exactly what they think and believe it is. No one came her to listen to the ego’s version of reality; that is an incomplete action. In doing so, we re-create a story of duality; another person with so much power and worth, who in turn affects my sense of power and worth. It is all cause and effect: thoughts and beliefs, which re-creates more limitations. It just keeps spiraling downwards until it is out of control.

    Action is incomplete because it is not witnessed by the aspect of mind we recognize as the Flame of Pure Awareness. The action was witnessed instead by the ego, by the disease of duality. So when action is witnessed, by the disease we are here to get over, it fragments the mind. It creates more duality, which in turn drives every known and unknown disease and limitation even deeper into the wave. We’ve created our own personal hell.

    The action needs to be witnessed by the aspect of mind that has the inherent power to return our mind to a state of wholeness, beyond the illusory grasp of duality, which fragments mind into tiny pieces. This action can only occur when we give our awareness to eternal consciousness for solving our eternal problems, without a thought or belief, because that is an action we came to the rock to complete. That is the sole action that makes the Flame of Pure Awareness the senior witnessing force in our lives.

    The action is made complete only when awareness going out into the exterior world touches something, and the awareness coming back to the person is then run through the Flame of Pure Awareness in the Heart, not through the ego-head filter. The Flame of Pure Awareness keeps the person in witnessing mode. Without it, we would fall immediately back into the limitation of what we think and believe life and self are. The Flame of Pure Awareness is beyond duality intelligence, beyond subject/object orientation. It is in unifying, indivisible quality of authentic intelligence, which reveals, recognizes, and realizes the interior through the process of witnessing it in the exterior.

    The Flame of Pure Awareness is the intelligence that sees and gets real about how the mind is organized by witnessing itself reflected back in the medium of the physical world. “This is what Jesus means when he refers to “those who have eyes to see;” those who see not illusion, but rather the movement of realized love, movement of the One everywhere.

    When awareness realizes itself, it is purified, and that is the action we came here to complete. When mind becomes self-realizing the action is complete. The purpose of all created life, the purpose of a physical world is for self-realization. It is to fully realize we are what we love, and we love whatever we are giving our attention to. Once we realize what we are doing with our love, manifesting either Heaven or hell on a moment to moment basis, then the action is complete. The purpose of being here is realized.

    When the mind realizes it is looking at itself, the seeds of karma become purified, or roasted by the Flame of Pure Awareness. Then, no karma sprouts up and grows from this action. The action is complete because we go from what it came here to realize. Karma is repeating whatever you need to, until you get it. In future chapters we will refer to karma of an incomplete action as re-creation. Anything born from a limited intelligence, such as the ego, will only have the capacity to re-create what is already here, which is itself limiting. Only healthy God consciousness is unlimited and can therefore create something new, manifest something from nothing. We all came here to create a new response to ultimate lies, to end the limitations we are all here to get over. Eternal consciousness has the power to create a new response to any old or new problem. The ego on the other hand, can only re-create over and over again. It cannot create something new. It is a limited form of consciousness. What do you want from it? If the ego is providing answers to all of your eternal problems, there is only one possible outcome for you. Look up the word futile in the dictionary, if you have not already guessed what that outcome will be.

    Understand what this whole shootin’ match was created for the convenience of your enlightenment. As God consciousness, as eternal consciousness, if there were a better faster way to reach enlightenment, you’d be doing it. You’d already be there. If you do not understand that everything you are experiencing here is the exact, perfect reflection of the relationship you have with your own mind, then you will be destined to re-creating what you think and what you believe it is. That would be re-creating the limitation you are here to get over. This will continue until you realize that what you are looking at is your own mind, and then choose to move on from that place of truth.”

    Vaishali

  • What steals my Lucidness.

    Lucid – suffused with light, Luminous
    Having full use of one’s faculties, Sane
    Clear to the understanding, Intelligible

    Lately in my dreams I am more aware, allowed to make a different choice in old nightmares. They are cut short, for I turn around knowing where that dream is headed, I exit the dream.

    It is like I found the power to shut off the night terrors.

    In my childhood I dreamed often of the Houghton Hancock Bridge falling down while I was on it. The theme was the same, bridge going down, me in the middle and safety impossible to reach, and I would awaken spent and terrified so grateful it was only a dream.

    The other night, I was approaching the bridge, and it appeared to be going under the water, I turned and left the scene.

    Now, I am not certain what the ‘experts’ would say Lucid dreaming is, but for me it is when I can make a choice that ends the night terror, prior once it began I had to ride it out, suffering as my emotions were kidnapped.
    And yesterday I thought if there is lucid dreaming, then it must be possible to have lucid awake time.

    In lucid awake time, you are aware, having full use of one’s faculties, sane with clear understanding.

    It is like having lucid consciousness. And I feel oftentimes my dreams are showing me my unconsciousness, so I am lucid about that as well.

    The more lucid you are the less I feel you will be kidnapped by circumstances, that you will be able to be have control of self even if the scene isn’t to your liking.

    We can have waking nightmares, where it feels impossible to survive this moment in time, where the daily dream grabs hold of us and doesn’t let us go.

    The key I feel is to change your usual reaction.

    One change and the nightmare becomes a dream a nice day dream, a friendly moment in time, coming bearing gifts of understanding, showing you where you are out of control, trying to give you back your lucidness.

    Having full use of your faculties’ means that no matter what, you will stay in your center, and not lose control to the dream scene as it unfolds.

    Yesterday at work could have been a package nightmare, but instead I took control, while my boss was losing it.

    The numbers overwhelmed, I had 61 and my buddy had 113, my boss stressed not knowing how we would deliver all.

    There literally is a limit, so I told her we would do our limit and leave the rest behind, we would take the priorities first and the third class would wait until tomorrow, and tomorrow we would do the same, just dealing with what must go.

    It is surprising how the packages lost their dominance and their weight, how they meekly sat awaiting their fate, once we realized it is us who has the power over them.

    Not losing control of your faculties, remaining sane and not allowing the packages to take hold of your emotions, means you changed you in the scene.

    What is so insane is that we believe that the package can control our emotions, yet it is us, we allow them to make or break a day, to steal our peace, to drain us completely, we let go of the control of our emotions.

    A thing, an item, a circumstance, a part of the whole daydream, hijacks us without a gun, they just arrive and we throw up our hands and become hostage.

    It is incredible when you literally look at what has power over you and how it is gleaned.

    Imagine being weaker than a package that has no voice, no emotions, nothing. Innocently it is just a box that covers a gift, an item purchased, a toy, an item of clothing, a thing the box holder order, nothing more and nothing less, it is.

    Who lost its faculties, not the box, it remained unchanged, a perfect rendition of a package, while the human being in the room, danced a dance showing her vulnerabilities.

    Today I will watch to see what steals my lucidness.