Tag: broken

  • Letting It Go!

    Acceptance and I are staring at each other; it dangles both pain and freedom.  I see the two sides and feel caught in between, stuck standing still.

     

    I see with big lady intellect and with little girl dreams, I feel the struggles between them.

     

    The lady’s wise words and focus on actions fall on the little girl’s deaf ears. 

     

    Or perhaps I don’t want to be the one to end the little girls dreams, to crash and burn her long wait, to give her nothing but acceptance.

     

    Acceptance, hollow, empty, cold and unloving.

     

    Can I break my little girls heart?  Is it my only heart?

     

    Acceptance shatters all dreams.

    Acceptance makes daddy’s monsters forever.

    Acceptance makes moms cold and distant, always.

    Acceptance hurts in reality.

     

    I always thought what I feared most was my mental lady, instead what I feared the most was the shattered spirit of the hopeful dreaming little girl.

     

    To live empty, hollow, forsaken, alone, cold and hurt a girl with broken dreams.

    Is it possible to separate the little girl from her dreams, to untangle the loveless dream and set her free?

     

    To let the dream go, like a flyaway balloon…

     

    But keep the little girl spirit, her optimism, and her dreaming quality?

     

    My little girl survived holding on to that dream.

     

    And now her survival depends on her letting it go!

     

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    I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. 

     ~Mother Teresa

  • Relax and Enjoy the Ride!

     

    “Is Reality Broken?  Are you trying to fix it? “  Tao Now, Josh Barran

     

    There really are only two ways to see reality, either it is broken or it is working perfectly.

     

    How can you tell if it is broken or working perfectly? Who gets to decide? Do we each have our own sets of reality?  Is your perception and my perception separated and equally right?

     

    When you are sitting in reality, how can you tell if it is broken, what are the signs that something needs to be fixed and then how do you fix it?

     

    I just love the phrase, “is reality broken?”

     

    If you asked me a few years back, I would have given you a million ways that it was, and a busload of people who needed fixing.

     

    Now I see that all is perfect.

     

    Nothing has changed, the landscape, people and actions are all still the same, but I now see things differently.

    In nature if something is not right, it is called a freak of nature, it is going against the natural flow or natural expression.  A meowing dog is a freak.

     

    Why is it that we don’t do the same with people, that we set aside nature’s rules?

     

    We almost have freakish expectations of people when we want them to act/do/be something other than themselves.

     

    If we can accept them AS they are, we are not breaking reality.

     

    I used to see others with problems for they were not doing as I expected, little did I know I was the freak. 

     

    I was in reality expecting it to be different than it was; I was always trying to fix something that wasn’t broken.

     

    The fruitlessness of it all, fixing non-broken things, going into people’s lives unsolicited telling them to do things differently, changing that which doesn’t want to change, creating a broken reality, giving myself a job to break reality!

     

    A reality breaker that was the job I retired from. 

     

    As a retired reality breaker, I can now relax and enjoy the ride!

     

     

     

  • Beauty

    The Island of Misfit Toys was the place in Rudy the Red Nosed Reindeer story. The place toys went that had been created wrong.  I can’t recall each misfit, but their action didn’t do as the fit ones did.

    Yet on the Island, if you had a problem you fit right in, perfect.

    Hey, you could have called it the Island of Imperfection.

    The natives on the island expected, loved, understood, you, and your quirky nature.

    It is unclear in my mind why this Island appears in the story…but I know we are taken there and shown around.

    Maybe it was to show we all belong somewhere.  I felt sad for those left on the island of misfit toys, like no way could then fit in on the Island of Normal. 

    How this appeared to me today, was that I was thinking of how my husband has the knack for fixing things that are broken, missing a part, in long neglect disrepair, a car or lawnmower that most would put in the junk yard, my husband takes home.

    He has the patience of a saint, can see the potential and works little by little to bring it back into its original state.  We have seen many transformations that his hands have made.  And we have seen him milk along vehicles that truly are tired, worn down and ready to rest.

    Just when you think, he can’t possible make it run again, he does.

    We are forever sentenced to a life with a car for he won’t let it go, until he is certain it has lived its full life.

    I know this may sound beautiful, but try riding around in a car that has more overused parts than new.  We have cars where, you have to remember to not put down the window…..that is right.  Don’t push the power button, or when you do, the window will fall quickly down into the door and disappear and it will take him many hours to get it back up.  So you have a window that goes down, but not up.  You don’t know how instinctual it is to just hit the button, mindlessly.

    We once had one of these kinds of cars stolen, yes stolen.  The most expensive part on the car, was the full tank of Gas, oh and my stamps on the visor.  We cheered and laughed and were so gleeful, it is gone, but lo and behold by the end of the day, it was back in our yard.  It was found just a few miles away, undamaged, or so we think.  We couldn’t really tell what damage was new, for who remembered all it’s bumps and bruises.

    You almost feel sad that one so damaged has so much damage that you can’t even see the new bruise.  And does the car get used to being so precariously balanced, or does it too feel….I will move today if I can and if not I will just stop.  It is not up to me.

    Does the car remember being young, shining, new all things working, where it could breeze along the road happily!  Does it remember no dents and dings no overused parts?  Does it wish to go backwards, does it dream of a fixer-upper man?  Does it wait to die in the junkyard? Is there a heaven for cars?  Just so you know my husband shops in the junkyards, seeking that one part that still is good.

    Now as I look back at my life, I can see why I married this man.

    I was the perfect wife for him.

     

    One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.

    They say we marry the person who can heal your childhood wounds I for one know that is true.  He brought out in me the things that needed correcting.  You may recognize the ‘buttons’ that we seem to be able to push in each other, those are buttons of dysfunction.

    A place where we have lost our power, a place where we have a wrong connection, a button that doesn’t do what it is supposed to do.

    For some of us, we have been broken for sooo long we don’t even know what the normal function looks like, feels like or would recognize it.  Our normal is dysfunction.  We have lived so long on the Island of Misfits, that that is normal.

    It isn’t until you leave the island that you look down and see. See the damage, the brokenness, uselessness abounds.  And is it possible for one misfit to fix another misfit, or do we need a fixer man.

    But always remember, “One Man’s Junk, Is Another Man’s Treasure”

    I should know. 

    I have been both.

    Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.

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