“Once you know, you can’t not know”, is a quote I read, it’s the knowing that changes you forever.
Knowing is different from hoping, wishing, dreaming or wondering, knowing trumps it all.
I know what they wanted the most is for their lives to remain unaffected, to not let one shadow to cloud their whole lives, to be so strong as to not let it change who they are, and it didn’t.
I have seen the evidence, but refused to see it, I have heard the silence and refused to hear it. I have felt the absence and wouldn’t feel it.
Blindly not accepting what is.
What I wanted the most was for the family to implode, for it to feel what I felt, the loss.
Loss of love.
Loss of trust.
Loss of faith.
The betrayal within the family.
None of that happened, a bomb went off without flicking a hair or altering a stance, it was dealt with like a bad review, ignored.
One bad review will not stop the many who are cheering and clapping as life goes on.
It does play with the mind to see pictures of normal, am I nuts? Did I make this whole thing Up?
What I see displayed around me today, all the unchanges, it has to be the same reaction repeating itself again.
I can just see the tiny girl, speaking the unspeakable and nothing happens. Nothing. Life goes on without a hitch.
You are left to deal and heal alone, unsupported.
Unsupported you drop, you fall, you lose your way, your mind, your knowing, your trust and your faith, stripped naked of all you counted on…you begin again alone.
‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’…oh I am strong.
Also something that has been broken and glued back is stronger in its broken spots.
My heart is stronger.
My faith is stronger.
My trust is stronger.
In me.
I M Perfect lady 