I M Perfect lady

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  • Beyond the Mind.

    In Proof of Heaven, Eben Alexander writes,

    "When it came to Near Death Experiences, there are there basic camps.  There were the believers; either people who had undergone an NDE themselves or who simply found such experiences easy to accept. Then, of course, there were the staunch unbelievers (like the old me). These people didn't generally classify themselves as unbelievers, however.  They simply "knew" that the brain generated consciousness and wouldn't hold still for crazy ideas of the mind beyond the body (unless they were good-naturedly comforting someone, as I had thought I'd been doing with Suzanna that day)."

    "The more I learned about my condition, and the more I sought, using scientific literature, to explain what happened, the more I came up spectacularly short. Everything – the uncanny clarity of my vision, the clearness of my thoughts as pure conceptual flow – suggested higher, not lower, brain functioning. But my higher brain had not been around to do that work."

    "The more I read of the "scientific" explanations of what NDEs are, the more I was shocked by their transparent flimsiness. And yet I also knew with chagrin that they were exactly the same ones that the old "me" would have pointed to vaguely if someone had asked me to explain what an NDE is."

    "But people who weren't doctors couldn't be expected to know this. If what I'd undergone had happened to someone – anyone – else, it would have been remarkable enough. But that it had happened to me…Well, saying that it had happened "for a reason" made me a little uneasy.  There was enough of the old doctor in me to know how outlandish – how grandiose, in fact – that sounded. But when I added up the sheer unlikelyhood of all the details – and especially when I considered how precisely perfect a disease E. coli meningitis was for taking my cortex down, and my rapid and complete recovery from almost certain destruction – I simply had to take serious the possibility that it really and truly had happened for a reason."

    "That only made me feel a greater sense of responsibility to tell my story right." Eben.

    What I love about this book and "My Stroke of Insight" is how a person with the right and perfect background and formal training has an experience, that they intimately understand and do so while remaining conscious, when medically it is impossible or so we thought…and how they are able to write about it.

    Eben was shown how consciousness works by experience and it trumped all his prior learning.  It opened up a completely new space around his neurosurgeon's beliefs.

    What I find so fascinating and so enthralling is how so many old beliefs are getting left standing almost silly looking by the sheer fact that People of Knowledge are experiencing what they thought was impossible.  That it is happening to specific people and it does seem to have its purpose.  If to do nothing else but to tip down old belief systems.

    I have felt, and do feel, a kinship to these folks, but in a much more normal segment of the population. A regular person who was aware of her journey out of dysfunction. 

    To find consciousness, clarity and choices while fully knowing my brain was washed and cleansed and twisted by the church and abuse…respectively.

    It would seem, that a person such as I, would not be able to "know" what to do, what to say and where to go…that the very person I was trained to be, would the very tool against me.  And yet, I was able to walk clear.

    How?

    How was it possible for me to do what others didn't seem able to do?  How was I different than them?  How am I able to see what others can't?  How is it that reality and I are one, while they can't seem to grasp it?

    All, I can say is that I too had consciousness on my side. It wasn't my thinking brain that guided me…for it was completely damaged by years of cult like teachings and abuse's definitions…I used a totally different navigational tool…awareness – consciousness…a knowing that I hadn't known before.

    Everything that I had known prior was to also be found flimsy and weak, without a string to reality.

    The reason I write on this blog is to share my experiences of how abuse looks to an aware mind.  How religion's applications of forgiveness of sins is failing in reality. Without awareness or consciousness…you can only see the unquestioned beliefs…without doubts you will stand steadfast in the clutches of your unfounded beliefs.

    I know, that I am seen as "the crazy one" the one who is way out there.  I get it. And, I agree. I am not the usual victim.  I have been able to see my brainwashed mind and the way abuse had it so completely upside down.  And, I have been able to re-work those old definitions to put them back correctly.

    I believe that this is the new way forward. That the abused mind/brainwashed cult brain can be overcome…by consciousness.

    What I don't know is how to get consciousness, for it just was there for me. When my world shattered into a billion pieces all I was left with was that.  Which actually was much wider and more spacious than any belief I held dear.

    I have lost much, but I have gained even more.

    I write, for I believe that it will someday make someone else's journey less weird and feel less crazy.  

    These books legitimize the unbelievable and make a new belief…while kindly ridding us of the old paradigms.

    I have felt the strange aloneness, the echoes of no one before me. To be ahead of the time.  To look around and see so many challenging me with this 'weird' way.

    It is like there are new experiences coming forth…gaining consciousness.

    I wonder what we have called "Near Death Experiences" were actually brushes with consciousness?

    For, It changes you forever…knowing there is more beyond the mind.

  • Acknowledgement of Hurting.

    "Unintended hurt is as common as branches snapped in wind. But it is the unacknowledged hurt that becomes a wound."  Mark Nepo

    I believe we all will hurt others and be hurt…as long as we are living and in relationships.  It is the unacknowledged hurt that wounds us.

    "Even if our awareness of being hurtful comes years after delivering the hurt, the smallest word or gesture – owning what we've done – can reopen the heart."  Mark Nepo

    I was sexually abused as a child, but no one ever acknowledged that they hurt me.  It is the unacknowledged hurt that wounded me.

    Even when it all came to light 40 years later, silence stood in the place of acknowledgement.

    I have often felt it wasn't enough to acknowledge how I mistreated and hurt my children with my angry words and general dysfunctional mothering…this lesson today has shown me, that in owning how I hurt them, began the closing of the wound and opening of our hearts.

    This is the opening I was waiting to enter…the acknowledgement of the pain they caused me…would have allowed my heart to reopen.  

    That is the difference, the dividing factor between estrangement and growing closer…Acknowledgement of hurting.

     

  • Feelings feel felt.

    "The fastest way to freedom is to feel your feelings."  Gita Bellin

    "This sounds pretty simple, but though it's easy to know you have feelings, easy to know their weight and agitation and suddenness of mood, it is another, more subtle matter to feel them – that is, to let them penetrate your being in the way wind snaps through a flag."

    "This is necessary because if we don't feel our feelings all the way through, they never leave us, and then we do all kinds of unusual things to get out from under them.  This is the cause of many an addiction."

    "I've diverted myself many times by becoming involved in what surrounds my pain or sadness, while never feeling the thing itself.  So, when someone asks me how I feel, I wind up retelling the circumstances of the pain, but not feeling it.  Or strategizing what to do next, but  not feeling it. Or anticipating reactions, but not feeling what is mine to feel.  Or swimming in the anger and injustice, but not diving through the wound."

    "Though we fear it, feeling our feelings is the only clear and direct way to free our hearts of pain."  Mark Nepo

    How appropriate to have this reading this morning.  Feeling our feelings seems like it would be impossible to do, yet I quickly get caught up in the current of anger and injustice, the wide and swirling river of it…unexpressed feelings from long long ago.

    It seems that river never runs dry.

    What I believe happens is that if you can't feel as a child, then as an adult, you don't just feel this moment of feelings, but all the similar type feelings of the past pile upon  each other to be expressed.

    So, instead of being mildly put out, I am outraged.

    Instead of feeling a bit overlooked, I feel totally neglected.

    The wealth of feelings that I have to feel, truly feel like 50 years worth of bottled up negativity…and even joy.  

    Overreacting is standard for me…for in the past I under felt.

    I never felt all the way through feelings…

    And sadly, the more traumatic, the less I ventured in.  Now all feelings feel like tragedies are looming.  Simplistic and typical pulls and pushes of parent and teenage child, feel to me like I am being abused, again.

    Feelings stored in me find opportunities to be expressed…so of course it is in relationships that they line up, pushing and shoving to come out.

    Separating the old feelings from the new is very tricky.

    Letting out and airing the childhood wounds AND not inflicting wounds upon my children is crucial.  The two can't be joined…yet it seems this is where my expressing happens.  I get a voice of expression, but at the wrong time…

    When someone labeled feelings "Time travelers"….they were right.

    I am saying what I needed to say, but 50 years too late.

    How do I now feel them all the way through, without subjecting my children with their expression?  How do you get them to rise to the surface without something/someone prompting them?  Is it possible to get them to rise by myself? Is it possible to feel them, without a label?

    In yoga feelings arise without labels….I feel.

    In real life feelings are triggered, labeled.  Does it matter?

    Am I like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode?  Is yoga the place to defuse that bomb? Writing and acknowledging and knowing is good, but it is when I get an emotional response that the feelings feel felt.

     

  • In Control Within the Flow

    Today's reading, March 21,in the Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo "To Harbor and Release"  I love this one.

    "Often the pain of resisting makes us rust like iron, and in order to re-enter the flow of life, we need to be scraped back to our original surface.  Our feelings, if not released, bread the heart with their grit. Like windows filmed by weather, we wait on loving hands to be rubbed clear.  It is inevitable.  Experience covers us over, and the expressive journey lets us come clean to the table of light. Again."

    "All things in existence participate in this involuntary cycle.  For human beings, the process of living stains us repeatedly with the grit of being here, with heartache and disappointment and the pointedness of being human, which can sicken us if harbored or make us whole if released.  Again and again, we, more than any other life form, have this majestic and burdensome power to harbor or release the impact of our experience."

    "Humbly, we are asked to keep the flow real between what is taken in and what is let out.  We have only to breathe to remember our place as a living inlet.  Experience in, feelings out.  Surprise and challenge in, heartache and joy out.  In a constant tide, life rushes in, and in constant release, we must let it all run back off.  For this is how the earth was made magnificent by the sea and how mankind is carved upright, again and again, by the ocean of spirit that sets us free."  Mark Nepo

    What we have to remember, what we take in, we have to let out.  I love, "Experience in, Feelings out."  This one sentence alone says so much.

    I believe that children who were abused in childhood, learn to experience and not to let the feelings out. We instead try and hold our feelings inside and do so til we explode in various ways.

    Rarely are children allowed to express their feelings after being sexually abused or physically abused.  We experience and then we have no outlet.

    This alone has created an unnatural way of being human. To take in things in silence our of fear of reprisals, is living half way.  This is how the rust builds upon us. And in my experience, only by expressing what has gone unexpressed, do we clear away the layers of film upon us.

    The natural process of Experience in, Feelings out, is disrupted in abuse and this alone is the cause of so much disease and violence…we are out of control, out of order, not able to work correctly.

    The term harboring resentment came to mind.  I didn't know that when we don't express our feelings (release them) we are harboring.  

    I had truckloads of expressions to release, and in the beginning they flowed like a rushing river, tumbling over each other, with volumes raised, they tore out of me…held back so long their force near violent in the outward flow.

    While it had to be shocking and out of character for others to witness this of me, it felt extremely healing to say what I had failed to say…for years.

    I wasn't the most prolific or articulate or kind as the words came rushing out, but I was scraping off the rust of old feelings I hadn't felt.  Some were not so pleasant or kind themselves…and all had to be felt in order to be released.

    Now, it is my intention to not let layers of unexpressed or unfelt emotions pile up upon myself, for it feels heavy and a burden to carry…so whatever I experience, I let my feelings out…I don't like holding on to feelings.  

    Harboring your feelings seems safer when you have been abused…we learn to keep them in order to get along and for sheer survival for some.  

    Abuse teaches us to live only taking in…never in a healthy release.

    I am still learning how to release.  Sometimes it still comes out very fearful or childlike in expression, but to me…it isn't about the delivery, but rather that they get out.  Maybe over time, with enough space and healing, I will be able to release them with a graceful kind and compassionate delivery…and not the hurried careless abandon that often rushes out.

    I will find my natural releasing stance…that isn't totally harboring or rushing abandon…but rather a fearless authenticity, beautiful yet powerful, in control within the flow. 

     

     

     

     

     

  • Completely whole all alone.

    In Mark Nepo's Book, "The Book of Awakening" for March 18th, 

    The Life of the Caretaker.

    "Accept this gift, so I can see myself as giving."

    "I have been learning that the life of a caretaker is as addictive as the life of an alcoholic.  Here the intoxication is the emotional relief that temporarily comes when answering a loved one's need.  Though it never lasts, in the moment of answering someone's need, we feel loved.  While much good can come from this, especially for those the caretaker attends, the care itself becomes the drink by which we briefly numb a worthlessness that won't go away unless constantly doused by another shot of self-sacrifice."

    "It all tightens until what others need is anticipated beyond what is real, and then, without any true need being voiced, an anxiety to respond builds that can only be relieved if something is offered or done. At the heart of this is the every present worry that unless doing something for another there is no possibility of being loved.  So, the needs of others stand within reach like bottles behind a bar that, try as he or she will, the caretaker cannot resist."

    "I have experienced this even in the simple issue of calling a loved one while away from home.  Even when no one expects to hear from me, I can agonize over whether to call.  Often, unable to withstand the discomfort of not registering some evidence of my love, I will end up going to great lengths to call."

    " In truth, caretaking, though seeming quite generous, is very self-serving, and its urgent self-centeredness prevents a life of genuine compassion.  In all honesty, to heal from this requires as rigorous a program of recovery as alcoholics enlist, including sponsors who will love us for who we are."

    "Within one's self, the remedy of spirit that allows for true giving resides somewhere in the faith to believe that each of us is worthy of love, just as we are."  Mark Nepo

    This is my disease.  This is where I felt my greatest hits of love and self worth, by how and to whom I gave.  I gave to get…I needed to be needed in order to feel worthy.  

    When I discovered this within me, I had to quit cold turkey…to stop giving with an agenda in hand.  I truly and completely felt the sentiments of "Accept this gift, so I can see myself as giving."

    I was unable to sustain my own self worth without a second party gushing or being grateful for what I had done.  My inner well of worthiness was nonexistent. Without doing for others, I was empty.

    It was very hard to purposefully not give.  I felt horrible and mean and uncaring.  The worse I felt, the more I knew how backwards I had giving.

    To give with the freedom of no returns was not something I had ever done.

    All my giving came with very fine print…."I give to make me feel special".

    I had to turn all my giving inward, to become a self contained container of worthiness, without using other people's needs to keep me afloat.

    My greatest sense of self was gained by giving…and my biggest hits of love came from what I did, not from who I was.

    It was horrifying to see that all or most of me was built outside of me…and the only way to find my true love of self, was to no longer give to be worthy.

    I had to become worthy by doing nothing for others…until my own well of worth was full.  

    The freedom of having your own well of worth is hard to explain…to be a self contained unit.  To have an inner source, a well spring of worthiness inside, to have it fed from the inside out…is to live a life completely different.

    One is empty…and forever seeking a new hit of worth.

    The other is full of self worth…self love and completely whole all alone.

     

     

  • Truthful to Respond to.

    "True inner responsibility centers on our willingness to give voice to whatever is happening to us in the midst of a relationship. This is important both for you and the person you are relating to.  If you are not present, there is nothing to respond to.  And love only becomes real in the world through our ability to respond.  Bringing who you are to a relationship – being your True Self- gives other the opportunity to transcend their limitations by acting on their love.  It gives the other person a chance to show up."  Mark Nepo

    What I hadn't considered is that it takes two people to be present in a relationship, to honesty voice their feelings… 

    While I knew this instinctively, I didn't know that there was an actual formula or general rule.  When I voiced my new-found truth or honesty, it then offered to others the chance to do the same. 

    Most however, opted not to respond in-kind.  

    So, while I have carried the full ownership of many relations falling to the wayside, what I hadn't considered is that I didn't have nothing to respond to when they failed to respond back.

    "So, while we dread voicing our fears and hurts to one another, love has no way of being acted on without something truthful to respond to."  Mark Nepo

    This paragraph alone sets me free…I didn't have anything truthful to respond to.


  • We no longer follow the truth…

    About Faith, from the book, "The Voice of Knowledge" by Janet Mills and Don Miguel Ruiz.  It is a long post, but I love the information in it.  It explains that it is not what we believe, but what we put our faith behind…that steers our worlds.  It isn't what we believe, but that we believe it.

    "Faith is a force that comes from our integrity.  It is the expression of what we really are.  Faith is the power of our creation because we use faith to create our life story and to transform our life story.  Different traditions have called this power by different names.  The Toltec call it intent, but I prefer to call it faith."

    "Let's see if we can understand why our faith is so important. When we talk about faith or intent, we are also talking about the power of the word. The word is pure magic.  It is a power that comes directly from God, and faith is the force that directs that power.  We can say that everything in our virtual reality is created with the word because we use the word for the creation of our story.  Humans have the most wonderful imagination. Beginning with the word, we form a language. With a language , we try to make sense out of everything we experience."

    "First we agree about the sound and meaning of each word. Then just remembering the sound of the words, we can communicate with other dreamers about our virtual reality. We give names to everything we perceive; we choose words as symbols, and these symbols have power to reproduce a dream in our head. For example, just hearing the word horse can reproduce an entire image in our mind. That's how a symbol works. But it can even be more powerful than that.  Just by saying two words, "The Godfather," a whole movie can appear in our mind. The word, as a symbol, has the magic and power of creation because it can reproduce an image, a concept, or an entire situation in our imagination."

    "It is amazing what the word can do.  The word creates images of objects in our mind. The word creates complex concepts. The word evokes feelings.  The word creates every belief that we store in our mind. The structure of our language shapes how we perceive our entire virtual reality."

    "Faith is so important because it is the force that gives life to every word, to every concept that we store in our mind. We can say that life manifests through faith, and that faith is the messenger of life.  Life goes through our faith and then our faith gives life to everything we agree to believe in. Remember, we invest our faith by making an agreement.  We we agree with a concept, we accept the concept without any doubt, and the concept becomes a part of us. If we don't agree with the concept, our faith is not there, and we don't keep it in our memory. Every concept is alive just because our faith is there, just because we believe in the concept. Faith is the force that holds all of these symbols together and gives sense and direction to the entire dream."

    "If you can imagine every belief, every concept, every opinion is like a brick, then our faith is the mortar that holds the bricks together. The way we start getting these bricks and putting them together is by using our attention.  Humans can perceive millions of things simultaneously, but with our attention we have the power to discriminate and focus only on what we want to perceive. The attention is also the part of our mind that we use to transfer information from person to person.  By hooking someones attention, we create a channel of communication, and through that channel we can send and receive information.  This is how we teach, and this is how we learn."

    "As I have said, our parents hook our attention and teach us the meaning of words; we agree, and we learn a language.  Through language, the word, we start to build the edifice of knowledge. Together, all of our beliefs form a structure that tells us what we believe we are. The Toltec call this shape that our mind takes the human form. The human form is not the form of our physical body. The human form is the structure of our personal Tree of Knowledge.  It is everything we believe about being human; it is the structure of our whole story. This structure is almost as solid as our physical body because our faith makes it rigid."

    "You call yourself a human, and that is what makes you a human. Your faith is invested in your story – mostly in the main character of your story – and that is the main problem. The most powerful part of you your faith, is invested in the liar who lives in your head. Through your faith, you give life to all of those lies. The result is the way you live your life in the present moment because you have faith in the main character of your story.  This means that you believe in what you believe you are without any doubt. The rest is jut action-reaction. Every habit is a setup for you to perform the role of your main character."

    "The storyteller has power over you because you have faith in the story that it tells you.  Once you support the story with your faith, it doesn't matter whether the story is the truth or not the truth.  You believe it; you are done. Thy will be done. That is why Jesus said that if you have just a little faith you can move mountains.  Humans are powerful because we have a strong faith; we have the capacity to believe strongly, but where is our faith invested?  Why do we feel that we have hardly any faith?  I can tell you that it's not true that we have so little faith.  Our faith is strong and powerful, but our faith is not free. Our faith is invested in all of the knowledge in our head.  It is trapped in the structure of our Tree of Knowledge."

    "The structure is what really controls the dream of our life because our faith lives in that structure.  Our faith is not in the voice of our story, and it's not in our reasoning mind. Just because we say, "I will succeed," doesn't mean that our faith follows the words.  No, there may be another belief that is stronger and deeper, and that belief is telling us, "You will not succeed." And that is what happens.  It doesn't matter what we do; we fail."

    "That is why you cannot change yourself just by wishing to change.  No, you need to really challenge what you believe you are, especially the beliefs that limit the expression of your life.  You need to challenge every belief that you use to judge yourself, to reject yourself, to make yourself little."

    "I remember one of my apprentices asking me, "Miguel, why is it so difficult to change my beliefs?"  And I told him, "Well, you understand the concept that what you believe you are is not the truth; it's a story.  You understand that very well, but you don't believe it. And that is what makes the difference. If you really believe it, if your faith is there, then you change."

    "So yes, it is possible to change what we believe, to recreate the dream of our life, but first we need to free our faith.  And there is only one way to free our faith, and that is through the truth. The truth is our sword, and it's the only weapon we have against the lies. Nothing but the truth can free the faith that is trapped in the structure of our lies. But with our faith invested in the lies, we no longer see the truth.  The lies blind our faith, the power of our creation."

    "Blind faith is a powerful concept.  When our faith is blind, we no longer follow the truth…" Don Miguel Ruiz

  • How we were treated.

    I listened to the book, "The Voice of Knowledge" by Janet Mills and Don Miguel Ruiz, and found this part to hit close to home.

    "When we discover that we are not what we believe we are, the foundation of our entire reality begins to collapse. The whole story loses its meaning, and this is very frightening."

    " I was not afraid in the desert that night. But when I recovered, I felt fear because nothing in my story was important any longer and I still had to function in the world. Later, I discovered that I could rewrite the story of my life.  I could recover the structure of what I believed and rebuild it without the lies.  Then life went on as it did before, but the lies no longer ruled my life."  

    What I too recall is that you are left without a place to put your faith, you no longer can support the lies, yet you haven't rebuilt your life without lies.  

    The difference between a structure of lies and a structure of truth is so completely different…

    You may think of 'the lies' having to be big, but the little ones you park your faith behind are equally as devastating to your life…when you believe them.

    I discovered thousands of lies that I had built my life upon.  He writes about two rules to avoid getting caught up in lies.

    "Don't believe yourself and don't believe anybody else – all of the lies that come from the voices of knowledge won't survive your skepticism.  Being skeptical is not about being judgmental; it is not about taking the position that you are more intelligent than others. You just don't believe, and what is true will become obvious. This is very interesting because the truth survives your skepticism even if you don't believe it. That is the beauty of the truth. The truth doesn't need anybody to believe it.  The truth is still the truth whether or not you can believe it.  Can we say the same about lies? No, lies only exist because we believe them.  If we don't believe in lies, they simply disappear." Don Miguel

    Isn't it amazing that by not believing yourself or others, the truth will rise to the surface, for the truth doesn't need anyone to believe it, it just is.

    By removing your faith in what you believe, you are then putting your faith in what you don't believe…but what is.  I am not certain I can articulate this, so I highly recommend reading this book.

    But, in my own life, there were great big lies that I put my faith behind, and those lies had baby lies that I put my faith behind and I didn't allow any of my faith to be used for the truth.

    It seems we are given only so much faith, and if we invest it in lies, it leaves little faith for the truth.

    When I withdrew my faith in the lies…I had ample faith to then put into what was the truth. 

    He further writes, "Many lies enslave us, but only one thing can free us, and it's the truth.  Only truth can set us free from the fear, the drama, and the conflict in our lives.  This is the absolute truth, and I cannot put it more simply than that."

    "The Voice of Knowledge rules your life, and it is a tyrant. If you refuse to obey that voice, it becomes quieter and quieter, and speaks to you less and less until it no longer controls you.  When the voice loses power over you, lies no longer rule your life, and you become authentic again."

    "The Voice of Knowledge is not real.  Before you learn to speak, your brain is like a perfect computer, but without a program.  when you are born you don't know a language.  It takes several years for your brain to mature enough to receive a program. Then the program is introduced to you mainly through your parents, as well as other people around you. They hook your attention and teach you the meaning of words.  You learn to speak, and the program goes inside you little by little by agreement.  You agree, and now you have a program."

    "Well, if you are the computer, then the knowledge is the program.  Everything you know, all of the knowledge in your head, was already in the program before you were born.  I can assure you that none of us ever has an original idea.  Every letter, every word, every concept in your belief system is part of the program, and that program is contaminated with a virus called lies."

    "There's no need to judge the program as good or bad or right or wrong. Even if we don't like the program, nobody is guilty for sharing it with us. It's just the way it is, and it's wonderful because we use the program to create our stories.  But who is running our life?  The program!  The program has a voice, and it's lying to us all the time."

    "How can we know what the truth is when almost everything we have learned is a lie?  How can we recognize what is real in us?  Well, it took some time for me to find out, but I found out. Our emotions are real.  Every emotion that we feel is real, it is the truth, it is.  I discovered that every emotion comes directly from spirit, from our integrity; it is completely authentic."

    "You cannot fake what you feel. You can try to repress your emotions, you can try to justify what you feel or lie about what you feel, but what you feel is authentic.  It is real, and you are feeling it. There is nothing wrong with whatever you feel. There are no good or bad emotions; there is nothing wrong with anger or jealousy or envy. Even if you are feeling hate, it comes from your integrity.  Even if it's sadness or depression that you are suffering, if you feel it, there is always a reason for feeling it."

    "I discovered something very interesting about the human mind, something logical and important to understand. Everything you perceive causes an emotional reaction – everything.  If you perceive beauty, your emotional reaction is wonderful; you feel great.  When you are hurt, your emotional reaction is not so great.  But you perceive not just the outside world; you perceive the virtual world you create in your head.  You perceive not only your feelings, but your knowledge – your own thoughts, judgments, and beliefs. You perceive the voice in your head, and have an emotional reaction to that voice."

    "Now the question is this; What is the voice in your head telling you? How many times has it told you, "God, I'm so stupid, how could I do that? I will never learn!" The voice of knowledge judges you, you perceive the judgment, and you have an emotional reaction.  You feel the shame; you feel the guilt. The emotion is true, but what causes the emotion, which is the judgment that you are stupid, is not true; it's a story.  Again, this is just action-reaction.  What is the action? The action is the perception of your point of view, which means the perception of your own judgment. What is the reaction? Your feelings are the reaction, and you react to lies with emotional poison."

    "Let's see if we can understand this a little better.  Imagine that you have a dog. As you know, the dog is just a dog, and it's a perfect dog, isn't it?  But what happens if you abuse the dog?  What if every time you see the dog, you kick the dog?  Very soon the dog will be afraid.  You can see the emotions coming from the dog.  It is angry; it might try to bite you or run away.  Is there something wrong with the dog's emotions? Does the dog's anger make the dog evil? No, the dog's reaction is just the result of being abused. The emotion is helping the dog to defend itself.  It comes from the dogs integrity."  Don Miguel

    What I love about the way he breaks this down is that we are programmed to believe in lies and taught how to act by how we were treated.  

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  • Happy Valentine’s Day

    I started Happy Valentine's Day with a yoga class for me.  I met myself in the mirror and while doing the postures, felt great warmth for my body. For all its been through and for seeing that it has been showing me all along what my mind thinks and where my priorities are.  It relentlessly reveals my truths to me.

    It truly has been my greatest friend accurrately showing me how I view life.  It doesn't lie.

    It has been my faithful companion on this journey, recording events which the mind could not hold, carrying out orders of a confused mind, and using pain to gain my attention.

    And mostly been the brunt of my disdain…me blaming it, while it is really blameless and I am the one who leads.

    I decide either knowingly or unconsciously to neglect or care for it.

    I can either decide to feel my truths or let them slide by 'unnoticed'.

    I am the one that brought it into situations where it felt uncomfortable, I ignored its clear signals.  I wanted to be liked and accepted more by others than my own body.  I would reject it to serve another's happiness.

    I used to see myself a victim of my body…when in fact I was the perpetrator of all its ills.  There is no one to blame for my inner relationship or that lack thereof with my body.

    I have been learning what love means between me and me.

    To love myself enough to speak up knowing that it isn't popular.

    I love myself enough to recognize the signals of my body.

    I love myself enough to care for my body…to question my mind, to seek my truth, to boldly do that which I am moved to do, uncaring how the opinions of others change about me. 

    My respect for my self matters more.

    Wayne Dyer speaks of "being beyond the good opinion of others"…Loving your self brings you there.  And it is what I feel is meant by, "If I gained the world, but lost my spirit…"

    On Valentine's Day I remain faithful to the first one I must love, in order to love another, ME.

    Happy Valentine's Day.

     

  • Fit into their Framework

     "The Seat of the Soul," by Gary Zukav

    "When a question is asked that cannot be answered within the common frame of reference, it can be classified as nonsensical, or it can be dismissed as a question that is not appropriate, or the person asking the question can expand his or her consciousness to encompass a frame of reference from which the question can be answered.  The first two options are the easy way out of a confrontation with a question that appears to be nonsensical or inappropriate, but the seeker, the true scientist, will allow himself or herself to expand into a frame of reference from which the answers that he or she is seeking can be understood."

    "We, as a species, have been asking the questions, "Is there a God?", "Is there a Divine Intelligence?", and "Is there a purpose to life?", for as long as we have been able to articulate questions.  The time has now come for us to expand into a frame of reference that allows these questions to be answered."

    "The larger the frame of reference of the multisensory human allows an understanding of the experientially meaningful distinction between the personality and the soul.  Your personality is that part of you that was born into, lives within, and will die within time.  To be a human and to have a personality are the same thing.  Your personality, like your body, is the vehicle of your evolution."

    "The decisions that you make and the actions that you take upon the Earth are the means by which you evolve.  At each moment you choose the intention that will shape your experiences and those things upon which you will focus your attention.  These choices affect your evolutionary process.  This is so for each person.  If you choose unconsciously, you evolve unconsciously.  If you choose consciously, you evolve consciously."

    "The fearful and violent emotions that have come to characterize the human existence can be experienced only by the personality.  Only the personality can feel anger, fear, hatred, vengeance, sorrow, shame, regret, indifference, frustration, cynicism and loneliness.  Only the personality can judge, manipulate and exploit.  Only the personality can pursue external power.  The personality can also be loving, compassionate, and wise in its relations with others, but love, compassion and wisdom do not come from the personality. They are the experience of the soul."

    "Your soul is that part of you that is immortal.  Every person has a soul, but a personality that is limited in its perception to the five senses is not aware of its soul, and, therefore, cannot recognize the influences of its soul."

    "As a personality becomes multisensory, its intuitions – it hunches and subtle feelings – become important to it.  It senses things about things about itself, other people, and the situations in which it finds itself that it cannot justify on the basis of the information that its five senses can provide."

    "It comes to recognize intentions, and to respond to them rather than to the actions and words that it encounters.  It can recognize, for example, a warm heart beneath a harsh and angry manner, and a cold heart beneath polished and pleasing words."  Gary Zukav

    In reading about the two different actual types of human beings -those who live secluded in a frame of reference of the five senses, and others with a much broader frame of reference makes all the difference in the world in how you live your life.

    My first 46 years I lived pretty much in a five sense body, and in the framework of the FALC.  All questions asked were brought to this network and answered there or dismissed.  Mostly, in my experience anything that would mar the shiny surface of the FALC, were labeled inappropriate.

    Stepping out of that tiny framework, a whole big world opened up.  It was like leaving a boxed in life…to live free.

    Now, when questions arose, there was nothing stopping me from exploring deeper or being fearless of the answers 'wrecking' or damaging the belief within the small frame.

    Living within in a small frame of reference, allows very limited responses.  And tossing out questions and ideas is much easier than pondering why they can't be answered within your framework.

    The 'simple faith' is to remain in a very small framework.

    The saying to believe like a child doesn't ring true. For children are born frame-less and we build a framework for them to live inside.  I believe that children are naturally curious and inquisitive and are fearless as they seek answers, not caring what side of the framework threatens to collapse based upon what it finds.

    A secondary framework is the family, like a box in a box…where there too are questions we don't ask or label 'inappropriate' in order to keep the framework from collapsing.

    Seeing your life as being framed by family and religion, will allow you to see the setting upon which you stand.  

    I didn't know how blocked in I was, until it all collapsed around me.

    As the framework lay on the ground, I was left standing…the part of me that wasn't tied into the framework, my soul.

    The soul me didn't fear any questions or the truthful answer.  It was a part of me that had been covered up and repressed for years….and blocked out by the framework.

    I know that those who can't explore deeply the questions or follow a gut feeling to its end, have way too much of themselves invested in the framework.

    Their point of reference lies within its walls.

    The answers to the questions depend more upon where you are asking them from, than where the answers are coming from.  In fact, some are not even allowed to ask the questions…or ponder their existence.

    Most strict religions work diligently to put their children in the churches framework, and to keep the child separated from their natural curiosity, frankness and Truth, to separate the child from their Soul.

    A free soul does not fit into their framework.

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    Photograph by Hannah Jukuri