I M Perfect lady

Tag: reality

  • Relax and Enjoy the Ride!

     

    “Is Reality Broken?  Are you trying to fix it? “  Tao Now, Josh Barran

     

    There really are only two ways to see reality, either it is broken or it is working perfectly.

     

    How can you tell if it is broken or working perfectly? Who gets to decide? Do we each have our own sets of reality?  Is your perception and my perception separated and equally right?

     

    When you are sitting in reality, how can you tell if it is broken, what are the signs that something needs to be fixed and then how do you fix it?

     

    I just love the phrase, “is reality broken?”

     

    If you asked me a few years back, I would have given you a million ways that it was, and a busload of people who needed fixing.

     

    Now I see that all is perfect.

     

    Nothing has changed, the landscape, people and actions are all still the same, but I now see things differently.

    In nature if something is not right, it is called a freak of nature, it is going against the natural flow or natural expression.  A meowing dog is a freak.

     

    Why is it that we don’t do the same with people, that we set aside nature’s rules?

     

    We almost have freakish expectations of people when we want them to act/do/be something other than themselves.

     

    If we can accept them AS they are, we are not breaking reality.

     

    I used to see others with problems for they were not doing as I expected, little did I know I was the freak. 

     

    I was in reality expecting it to be different than it was; I was always trying to fix something that wasn’t broken.

     

    The fruitlessness of it all, fixing non-broken things, going into people’s lives unsolicited telling them to do things differently, changing that which doesn’t want to change, creating a broken reality, giving myself a job to break reality!

     

    A reality breaker that was the job I retired from. 

     

    As a retired reality breaker, I can now relax and enjoy the ride!

     

     

     

  • Perfectly Me

    I heard someone say that unexpressed feelings from childhood are time travelers; they continue to follow us along, until they can be released.

     

    I don’t really know where they are all stored, or when or how they appear, but when they appear it is like a fog that fills my insides overtaking my nowadays reality, and bringing in a volume of emotions and feelings that have little or nothing to do with what is happening today.

     

    Fog of yesterday’s unexpressed emotions arise, float in, filling you up on the inside, catapulting you back to when these emotions were supposed to be felt, but you were unable to safely do that, like an apparition you feel these ghost like feelings appear in your life.

     

    You feel yourself as yourself a long time ago.

     

    It was shocking to me to know that I was a good girl.  It was the key that will release now many other feelings that have been locked down.

     

    I would have thought the feelings under lock and key were ones of negative connotations, but instead behind the locked door is my self-esteem in its rightness.

     

    The fog hid from my view my goodness, my efforts of trying really hard and succeeding as far as a little girl is concerned.  My trying harder and harder to be a better little girl, always, was because the fog blocked from my view, my goodness.

     

    I still haven’t caught my breath on that, my insides feel strange, instead of having this thirst and desire to always please to become better, I am sitting with nothing to do, nothing to prove.

     

    There is no argument inside of me.

     

    When I said that I am doing the yoga now to feel better, I would not have guessed that fogs would arise, that I would be flung backwards into my childhood feelings, that even dreams would participate to help me feel that which I have never felt before.

     

    And in feeling those long ago feelings, a correction is made; I am one with the reality even way back there now. 

     

    I also felt in yoga today that I had said that I wasn’t a little girl and I wasn’t a mom, and that is right.  I was a little girl being a mom.

     

    My childhood was a little girl being a mom.

     

    I used to be so disconnected from the little girl, and couldn’t see me as a mother, but to see the combination; that I am a little girl being a mom, sounds perfect.

     

    I AM a perfect little girl, acting like a mom.

     

    I am a perfect little girl, is what I didn’t know.

     

    Imperfect childhood, imperfect little girl, but it is perfectly me.

     

  • Reality

    Names.  What does a name mean?  You call someone by their name, or even by their title.  What does that mean?  What does that really tell you about a person, and what does it cover up?

    A name covers things up? That seems weird?  Can you hide behind a name?  Can you use it as a mask?  What does a Mask cover?  How do you know there is a mask, can you ask, can you peek, will they tell you? Do other adults warn you?

    In the Native American way, they name people, such as Run Fast.

    And you could pretty much know what that person was Know for.  They don’t have names like Slow Walker for someone who runs fast.  And I wonder if they ever name the baby wrong and have a new renaming ceremony.

    When my son was little, he and his cousin seen a huge man trying to wiggle into a booth at Burger King….and they both were amazed and said “do you think he will fit?” of course in a voice that carried far and wide!  As a mom, my first instinct is to protect the Man and tell the boys, you don’t say that, and in fact I did. I also remember these big brown eyes look at me and say plainly, Why?  It seemed goofy to them?

    Think of how we go around and label things correctly for them.

    A tree.  The sun. A house.  The easy and plain things, but get us into an area we feel uncomfortable in….and we start to disguise, twist, sortakinda name it.  Hoping that they will not discover our lies.

    Now bring this into abuse? 

    What I would like to see is the opposite happening and teach all children to be ok with proper naming of actions….sorta like the Native Americans.  Or see all adults being true.

    Maybe in one day a person gets many names.

    In the past four years, I began noticing I no longer called or seen myself as just one role, mom.

    I would say “cooker girl”…when cooking.

    I called myself by what I was doing, not who I was.

    It sounded almost childlike, but I couldn’t stop myself.

    If you go to www.messyguru.typepad.com you can see what I mean.

    However, I will warn you right now, this is a dialogue between an abused boy and what he calls his editor.

    The editor is the one who refused to see what is, now and back then.

    Maybe you could also call him, Mr. Denial.

    It is with the greatest respect that I enter his site. 

    He and I are very much the opposites. While he remembered everything, my mind forgot it all. 

    I was literally blasted into reality with a mind full of wrong information.  It seemed a Mental Lady in reality for so much I had wrong.

    Abuse lives in the mind.

    The body holds the truth, but the mind controls our lives.

    An abused mind is the hardest thing to make right.

    I had said, “It is literally like being lost, trying to find yourself and you don’t even know your missing, or what in the Hell you look like. “   Where do you begin?

    The courage it takes to willingly go into a mental mind and sort things out, is an adventure I wouldn’t wish on a soul. 

    The greatest tool an abused person has is REALITY, Period.

    Without reality we are lost forever.

    We must go back to the seed of the abuse to see where we got it wrong and speak to denial to get it right, to argue to challenge to use our grownup big words this time.  For when the initial abuse happened, you can be sure we were left alone in our minds without adult supervision.

    Reality what a Blessed place to be!

    Reality or Denial, Pick one.

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