I am in the middle of reworking an old relationship, one where I have been very neglectful and actually very disrespectful and lazy. In fact I had not even tried to see how my actions caused the other to suffer.
It is always shocking to see your part, to see what your non-actions have caused, to see the affects and to feel the affects.
Seeing an old relationship for the first time is not new to me, I have woken up and seen many places where I thought the relationship was fine, to then see it in a whole new light.
I am marveling at how close this one was and how blind I was to it. How I sat very lazy expecting the other to change.
In all my changes the last five years, it has always been me who needed to change, me, I was the common denominator in each relationship, and it was me where action was needed, always.
It is the same today.
My body is my last relationship that I have to fix, to heal and to change.
What I love love love about this one, is that I am getting immediate results.
The body doesn’t have its own agenda. It isn’t fighting me against me, but following my lead.
Deepak says that the mind is manifested in the body, and I know that has to be right.
I had a lazy mind and a lazy relationship with this body, I expected the body to do all the work and serve up to me a healthy body, and I would ignore it until it did. Or worse treat it badly expecting it not to show.
As I lay in the floor poses, it came to me, that I have lots of repairing to do to this broken relationship, that each day I am down here doing yoga, I am rebuilding and redefining my part in this relationship.
I am sad to see what I have caused, what my blindness, and selfish attitude has done.
Yet grateful that I am able to have a second chance, to be aware now and that it is up to me.
In this relationship, I only matter, no one else but me can do this. I always wanted total control, and now I have it. Again, scary to actually know, if I fail so does the body, and if I win we both do.
I could feel the narrow space I stood upon and no one was there to blame. I carried it all.
It is like abusing yourself and being shocked that you are abused! You look and feel abused while you are abusing yourself, a mad cycle.
Owning the hand that is slapping you. Insanity! Then blaming the abused body for looking abused.
Each day of yoga is a loving caress a loving hug, a way to undo all the years of abuse.
The love starts with me. (26 days of loving)
I M Perfect lady 