As I listened to the rest of the book, ""Sway" The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior…by Ori Brafman, I learned more about the nature of being human and the irrational reasons we do that which we do.
What I love is that all humans respond similarly; that no one is immune, that our bodies and brains are all equal…and we all fall victim to the irresistible pull of irrational behavior…it is in our nature.
Our brains work the same way when prompted and can be fooled and are tricked more often than not.
The example of a world renowned Violin Player playing his violin in the Subway…on his 3 million dollar violin, will go unnoticed, for he is out of place. Our minds will not consider the inconsiderable, unless we challenge it or perhaps force it to go against the irresistible pull to go against what it 'knows'. And it knows that famous Violin Players are in concert halls not in subways.
In this case the violin player is out of its normal environment…so we fail to see him.
I was also enthralled with the dynamics of groups and how we fail to act as an individual within them…unless one Individual stands up…we will move as a group, swayed in the same direction.
I know this works in a cult. And any dissenters are quickly shunned into silence…for in order for a cult to work, there can be only one leader and one view point…a cult is not a free society…you are ALL to move as ONE.
When raised in a cult, you use the same model for your family; the parents are the leaders and there can be no dissenters present…ever. Those who dare speak against the parent are quickly removed from having any relationship with those inside.
For you are a threat to the force of One. ONE family…not one individual within the family….the family comes first before your individual needs. You are not allowed to do for Self.
A dissenter isn't allowed to come in whether as a voice of a child within the family or an outsider.
A dissenter brings gifts of discord and discord brings disagreement and disagreement opens the door that weakens the group and will lead to the empowerment of the individual.
And dysfunctional families and cults are NOT interested in the power of the individual…keeping the Group together is the pull which leads to incredible irrational behavior.
The very thing that an abused child needs is kept from them…empowerment, being an individual, owner of her feelings…etc.
An empowered child will not allow further abuse.
An empowered individual will not stay within a cult.
Only victims are not empowered.
This fear based irrational behavior of parents clinging tightly to the family group, lead to children having to push back in order to heal…or remain powerless inside.
What my mother said she wanted was for me to heal, but she wanted me to do that within the structure of an abusive family. It is like being a free spirit within a cult.
The dynamics of a dysfunctional family is that there is but one leader, one voice and one choice and there is no room for a second opinion or feeling or expression or an equal power. The very structure is based on Victim and Abuser.
This structure will not stand if there is empowerment or a dissenting vote.
What most dysfunctional families want is to remain the same while allowing the adult children to heal.
Each time I have written HEAL, what flashes through my mind is a dog heeling….keeping him on a loose leash…walking beside you.
This is what freedom looks like to a dysfunctional family…they still want you to remain on a family leash, obediently walking while the parent holds the leash.
Life just isn't the same being on a leash…
I M Perfect lady 