I M Perfect lady

Tag: truth

  • What you do in time.

    “Time is the most indefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires.”   

        ~Charles Caleb Colton

     

     

    My brother wrote about time, its fleeting quality and the fact that the mind gets caught up in it or rather the mind and time go hand and hand.

     

    What is time?  Can you see it and does your body know what time it is on the clock, or does your body simply feel its way through the day?

     

    We are taught to eat by the hour hands on a clock and go to sleep by time, and not body’s physical feelings.  We expect certain things from children in time with little allowance for individual growth.

     

    Time seems to take priority over individual self.

     

    Time slips away we say or is life slipping away?  Is it that we allow our selves to watch time instead of seeing what we are doing?

     

    The more I am aware of what I am doing, how I am spending my time and with whom, the less time seems to matter.

     

    Maybe it isn’t about time at all but instead about being aware of your feelings at all times.

     

    Feeling your feelings in time.

     

    We somehow feel that by spending time, we are sharing ourselves and many times we are just sharing time.

    Doesn’t that remind you of school, taking up space and time?

     

    Life is so much more than taking up space and time in another’s life.

     

    Yet we some how feel it is okay to waste time, but what you are really doing is wasting your life.

     

    Your life has value minute by minute. 

     

    We add its value, with feeling and action; we add the content to time.

     

    You are what you do in time.

     

  • Living Solo

    Learning how to navigate life by using the inner signs, sensations, feelings, is like driver's training for being in a body.

    Body training is something we all need to learn in order to live freely, instead of attached to another. You can tell how free you are by upsetting others.  If you always comply, you are not free but instead floating along attached to the other body.

    Co-dependent bodies are hard to manage and get tangled up lots, and it gets so that you don't know if it is  your feeling or theirs, you life or theirs, you lose your self within their desires.

    I found myself without a self, for I had no idea who I was or what I liked, I had no opinion without somebody's first.

    Imagine that?  My body was led around by another's good opinion of me.

    How scary and free it is to learn this, and how shocking to begin making moves that upset other bodies, while being a new me, but what glorious freedom!

    The freedom to follow a feeling with an action, or speak up instead of suffer silently, to be truthful to myself and be willing to disappoint another, is being alive within my body.

    It is so thrilling and frightening at the same time, to witness the detachment of yourself from another's approval. 

    I love that I have control of my legs.  I can walk with you or away from you.

    I love that I have hands, to either push you away or bring you close.

    I love that I have a voice to speak my truth.

    Learning to pilot your own body is living solo! 

  • Leading Me In Truth.

    “Never apologize for showing feeling.  When you do so, you apologize for the truth.”  ~Benjamin Disraeli

     

    My feelings and I are great friends; I truly understand them, now.  Each come with their own identity and behind each lies a truth, and I no longer mix up my feelings.

     

    My dysfunctional childhood had me way confused as to what each feeling meant. 

     

    Somehow I loved what I feared, and now know that fear and love don’t share the same feeling, they are separate feelings. 

     

    When you separate the two feelings, only one gets to stay in the reality of what is, the other is seen as the false one.

     

    I don’t mix up my feelings with your feelings.

     

    We each have our own set of feelings.  You get to do with yours as you see fit, and I then get to be with mine.

     

    Being with my feelings brings me great comfort; it is my inner guiding system, a way of leading me in truth.

     

     

     

  • A Perfect You.

    “No matter how difficult and painful it may be, nothing sounds as good to the soul as the truth.”

               Martha Beck

     

    To sit in the middle of truth and go with the flow of it, although difficult and painful, is so much easier and better on your body and soul than trying to fight it.

     

    You suffer no matter what, but I would much rather suffer in the truth than to suffer pretending it isn’t happening!

     

    My brother’s yoga teacher said to them yesterday, “Let Go of the Suffering (and go with the flow)”

     

    The flow is as it is; you are where you are, and not a moment sooner or later.

     

    As we begin the 60-day yoga challenge, don’t try and bring your body where it is not ready to go, face each posture with your level of limberness and strength, be okay right where you are and have patience with your body and little by little it will bring you further into the posture.

     

    Don’t suffer wishing you were further, don’t hurt your body trying to bend push and stretch it beyond its comfort.  Remember to breathe in each pose, if you lose the breath, you maybe reaching out too far.

     

    We will build upon the foundation of where you are today, to learn how to stand and lock your knees like a solid lamppost unbroken.

     

    If you try and skip the locked knee, your pose will be shaky and unsteady or reliable.

     

    There are so many metaphors between this yoga and life, slow down and focus on you.

     

    You will watch your body change and strengthen, balance and become limber, flowering into a perfect you.

     

  • A Pretend Story In Front of It.

    "One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest."     Maya Angelou

     

    While rereading many of my old posts, I can see where I had built up a story outside of reality for 46 years and how I was un-telling that story and then retelling the story with actual facts.

     

    It is like there were two separated stories going on at the same time, but only one has actual actions.

     

    In one post I talked about either tending reality or pretending reality wasn’t there.  I would now say, that we can either tend this moment and what is, or pre tend another moment yet to arrive, or past tend a moment in the past.

     

    Pretend. (V)

    1.    act as if something were true: to make believe that something is the case or that you are doing something by using your imagination or acting skills

    2.    make insincere claim about something: to claim untruthfully or exaggeratedly to be or to have a particular thing, or imply something in this way

    3.    make something seem to be true: to act in a way intended to make somebody believe something untrue or misleading.

     

    I am first of all shocked that the word pretend is a verb, and secondly it speaks of ‘acting’ like it is an action, not just a mind game, but that it actually has actions.

     

    I know that this may really show my stupidity, but I am in awe that pretending something requires an action. “To act in a way intending to make somebody believe something untrue and misleading.”  Shocking.

     

    While I have been comfortable with my mother’s blindness, this somehow makes it more assaulting.  It actually shows that a person has to know the truth and then work on misleading. 

     

    She was attacking the truth with actions of pretend!

     

    It just proves that she knew and that she tried to act her way into a different reality, to mislead her children down a road that led to nowhere.

     

    I am blown away that pretend is actually doing something.

     

    “To hold before, or put forward, as a cloak or disguise for something else; to exhibit as a veil for something hidden,” is another meaning of pretend.

     

    It just floors me that in order to pretend, you have to know the truth and then put on an Act to cover, mislead, to throw on a veil and hide something.

     

    She led the long line of pretenders, steering us always away from the truth, we marched along like willing soldiers, creating a veil for which my father was able to hide behind.

     

    This unties the tangle that I had inside of me, the twisted up thoughts of her having to know, and yet her actions of not knowing, I couldn’t seem to justify or find clarity there. 

     

    I had her lost in her mind, blind to His actions. Instead this puts her as a full fledged participant.

     

    Pretending has nothing to do with staying in this moment tending to what is, it actually is to act out in front of this moment as a shield and a disguise, a magic act.

     

    I guess I felt better knowing my mother somehow was incapable of digesting the truth, this shows that the truth was there all along, and in front of it she acted like it was not there.

     

    I must now look at my pretend actions.  My pretending I did not fear him.  I acted like I wasn’t,  I acted fearless, I was acting in front of the truth of being in terror.  Trying to pull off no fear.

     

    Somehow this makes life seem more complicated, yet more simple, which is why if you are willing to know the truth, it will appear, for it was there all along.

     

    When I stated that I simply couldn’t pretend to pretend to pretend anymore, I literally had no idea that I was unable to act anymore!

     

    I even recall stating that my scripts and lines were all wrong, that I left the stage of their madness.

     

    I was horrified to know what my scripts and lines supported, I was one of the many actors acting out normal in a very dysfunctional family.

     

    Somehow knowing that they all have the truth within them, and that they are pretending out in front of it, brings me peace. 

     

    It is not up to me to deliver the truth to them, to be the one to show them the truth that is already there, what I guess happens instead is that they get tired of acting

     

    Acting out in a play where all they can ever be is a supporting actor, to the main characters of mom and dad.

     

    How sad to spend all your time and efforts on a pretend family.  How sad to have a family lost in pretend.

     

    I really didn’t fully understand how this all was orchestrated.  Somehow I missed the whole picture, I did not see them out in front of truth, I saw them without the truth.

     

    I saw them not knowing the truth. 

     

    They know, but are working hard to pretend in front of it.

     

    The truth goes nowhere while the pretend dance goes on in front. 

    I can see clearly now both the truth and the veil in front of it.

     

    Not only are there two separated stories, but one is clearly designed for the purpose of shielding the truth, and that is what I find so shocking.

     

    If you didn’t know the truth, there would be no need to build a pretend story in front of it.