I heard the Oprah show on the radio about the twin girls that were abused for years by their brothers and father, whose mother knew but did nothing.
At the end of the show Oprah gives them a few words of wisdom, one about forgiveness and the other about not letting their spirits be killed by what their brothers and father did to them.
She said her definition of forgiveness is,
“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past would have been any different.”
She told them to let go of the hope for a different kind of father.
Let go of the hope for different kind of brothers.
Let go of the hope for a different kind of mother.
Letting go of the hope a Different Kind…you have to then accept the kind you have.
In my case, I had to accept a raping kind of father and a mother who also knew, but did nothing.
We did not get the loving kind or the supportive protective kind, we got the abusive kind.
Secondly, Oprah said, “I want you to not let the spirit be killed by what your brother and father did, to not let the spirit die.
The toughest part is really feeling that the hope is gone for a different kind of father/mother/siblings, but at that point when you lost all, you are then left with a part of yourself that is beyond all that, your spirit.
It seemed to me, in the darkest moment of seeing the kind of family I had, I was then able to see a small seed that wasn’t going to be defined by what they did to me, it was a part of me that separated from them.
I then set to work on redefining me and reworking the parts of me that were confused and mixed up due to abuse.
I had to learn how to love, to trust and to find faith within myself.
I had to reestablish what I felt were my boundaries since I was raised in a home without boundaries, in an unsafe place, where a father can rape a child and the mother remains married to him, forgiving his ‘sins’, Sins that hurt me.
If these twins can find the strength to fully accept that the kind of parents and siblings they have, they can then begin to make choices that will not include abuse.
If you don’t see the monsters you will continue to have ‘father/brother’ like relationships with a men who rape you.
The greatest work that needs to happen is that you have to pick only one. A father OR a Monster, you can’t have both.
And at that time you will also pick which one you will be.
A daughter who allows this behavior or one who will save her spirit and walk away free.
Also at the end of the show, Oprah said that 99% of abuse is from family members or someone we know, and we have to be willing to put fathers, brothers, uncles and friends in jail. And this is huge. This is key, this is very had for most to do, which is why mothers don’t see and sisters don’t tell etc, no one wants to put family in jail, families that rape and abuse children! Families of that kind are not family!
I M Perfect lady 