Motherhood begins in childhood, and womanhood starts there as well. The essence of who we are as a woman will directly relate to what kind of mother we are.
There is no separation between woman and mother; the two are one.
We don’t leave behind who we are as we take on the responsibility of a child, we simply add this to our ongoing relationships that are already in place.
A child joins your relationships and will emulate them as he begins to create his own, he watches how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you, and it is from there that he learns self-care.
My motherhood path began with me being a valiant co-dependent, a people pleaser and a whore for love and peace, there was very little of my life that was solely for me, most of it I lived for the benefit of others.
All my decisions and choices were linked to someone’s happiness or love, I made choices based on whether I would lose their approval or not.
When I stopped seeking approval and instead began living inside out doing what I loved, I began seeing a Me emerge, a separated unique individual, a self.
As I grew into being more me, I no longer needed others to support me, and it set them all free to be them selves.
My children were set free when I set myself free.
My children’s lives returned to them and they too are now free to be what they want to be from the inside out.
I am there to guide them to show they the lay of the land, but at the end of the day, they get to decide their fate depending upon the choices they make.
It isn’t my life it is theirs.
The freedom you give comes with self responsibility and that is what I believe the goal of each parent is, to make them ownership of their lives.
To raise them to see the consequences from the choices they make, and to allow them to sit in the consequence is the learning of life.
How we deal with all facets of life is how they learn to deal.
How authentic we are, how loyal to self we are, where our integrity lies, all will be reflected back to us in our children’s lives.
Mostly what we fail to notice is that our children’s lives will be lived as we live today, not our potential or what we plan to do, but as we do today.
To raise independent children, be independent.
To raise children who love themselves, love yourself.
Who you are today is the pattern your child will follow, our footsteps are leading them into a life we have.
We can’t do nothing and hope our children learn from our mistakes, we have to undo our mistakes.
There are a few, a slight few, changelings of this rule, they are the exceptions not the rule, that will strike out on their own and redefine themselves leaving behind a family, I know this happens for I was one.
I changed the family legacy by leaving instead of staying in the cycle of abuse/dysfunction and co-dependency; I had to walk out to save my self.
Time will tell as my young adult children leave our home and set out on their own making choices, was there enough time spent with me to learn a new way of being or were their formative years to tightly ingrained.
I sit here today aware that the woman who I was and the woman who I became, mothered the same children.
How this will affect them remains to be seen, what pattern will they follow, how deeply were they affected by their formative years and how much of an impact has my freedom made?
What I know for sure is that the more I remain honest with myself, the more I love myself, the brighter the second pattern is seen.
To be the best mother ever is to be the best you can be with your self.
Loving yourself enough to say no when you mean it.
Loving you enough to put up boundaries to keep hurt out.
Loving you to speak your truth always.
Loving your self as you find your self in this moment, knowing you are a work in progress and be willing to do what it takes in each moment to stand with your self.
You will then mother a child of strong courage to be who they were meant to be.
I M Perfect lady 