I M Perfect lady

Today was an odd day.  It was a day of hearts. 

Hearts always seem to be of love, and togetherness, warm feelings of emotion.  Yet hearts can be full of broken dreams, of broken families, and broken hope.  Hearts are what connect us and what tear us apart. We meet each other heart to heart. 

If our hearts don’t match, if the truth in your heart is not the truth in mine, our hearts turn away, like magnets flipped.  No matter how hard we want to try, there is nothing we can do to be close.

There was a wedding in my family today, a sister’s son.  I did not go.  My heart felt no connection there, so I stayed away, rather than bring a body, with a resisting heart. 

My heart resists because it knows where it would be going and with whom?  It knows now and I understand.  I stand by my heart, my soul and my truth.  I stand outside often.  It would hurt me more to go than it does to stay away. 

This is new.  I used to be there in the center.  It will take time to become the one who is not there.  Do I miss them or me not being there?  Do I miss the old me, or the me I have yet to become? 

My heart is so courageous, so brave and so sure.  I follow along feeling like an imposter.  I am hoping that by faking it until I make it, I will become better at this.  Maybe it is just my mind, my thoughts of me that is taking awhile catching up.  I am not at home in my mind yet.  In fact it seems I live more ‘out of my mind’ than in.

Maybe you don’t have a broken heart, but a broken mind.  My mind thinks and believes from long past ways.  My mind hasn’t kept up with the truths of today.

A broken mind, now that does sound much better. The mind has thoughts that are shattered by reality, thoughts that can’t do their magic and make it all better. 

What breaks the heart is to want what isn’t possible.  What makes you go out of your mind is when beliefs no longer match reality.

My heart really isn’t broken, the dreams and hopes all lived in my mind.  I now try and keep my mind from going too far into the future or to get left in a past I cannot change.  My mind is the cause of so much pain, not my heart.  My heart, well I think it just rides along happy and free, until a thought arrives.  

A broken mind holds broken families, broken hopes and dreams.  Is it possible that a broken mind can cause a heart attack?   What damage can a broken mind do?