I M Perfect lady

A dozen days of yoga, a dozen mornings where I resolutely walked downstairs and began yoga, twelve times that my body and awareness won.

I am surprised that there are times when a voice or feeling wants to ‘not do the yoga’, but that it is outvoted each day.

And the contest hasn’t been close.  The side that seems to have the most strength is the part of me that feels yoga is what I want to do.

This surprises me, usually I feel the slippery slope that I am on, where all it will take is a day where the voice is really strong and I will fall into a lazy excuse.

I remember that when I made up my mind that my father and his actions would not define me. The mindset was in cement.

It seems that this is the case again.  That even if the voice comes in, I already have a set plan.  So it can complain, but it rains along side me as I am doing the yoga.

In fact it surprised me that the body and I continue going ahead with yoga, one posture at time, allowing the voice to chatter on.

It is like watching your self do what you don’t want to do.

As I walked out of many dysfunctional relationships the same thing happened.  I would physically walk away while my mind protested loudly.

Today, this is exactly how my yoga felt.

That I was physically doing postures in the moment of today, that my past persona wasn’t happy about, yet I did them anyway.

I know that this is a great sign, a great indication that the core of me, is with me doing yoga.

There may be days where it will be difficult to begin, or days where it just seems that all balance is off, or that everything appears awkward and hard, but I have faith I will at least try.

I remember feeling so inept so out of sorts, so bad at being normal, and I feel the same with yoga.  I am not a graceful balanced strong yogi.

I am okay, being at the beginning again, being awkward and looking imperfect, for I am.

I am an imperfect yoga lady.