I M Perfect lady

The Life of Me

About 5 years ago my daughter received in the mail a manila envelope from my mother, inside were pictures of me.

Baby pictures, school pictures, snapshots of me alone and me with siblings, even my high school graduation picture, all stuffed in one envelope.

There didn’t seem to be any care as to which way they were put in, I remember seeing me at various ages all jumbled up.

At the time I was in shock and didn’t know what to think, and my mother had note on there for my daughter to create a scrapbook for me.

Like it was her task to put together my mother’s memories of me. I told her don’t worry honey, I will do this myself someday.

As I sit here today with the latest request still fresh in mind and me pondering how to articulate a restraining letter, this hits me with great sadness.

Sadness that my mother didn’t want any pictures of me at all, that she sent them all back.

I looked at them just now and was struck by my innocence, my trusting eyes, my faithful smile…how cute I was, how awkward too, how caring, for I was always holding a child or a hand. The evidence is all there of me, and she sent them all back.

I may find the time this year to put together a book of me, to get them out of the envelope she shoved them in, to bring them out and honor them by making a book of me.

Carefully putting back together the life of me.

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Published by

bjukuri

Responses

  1. Rosana Olson Avatar
    Rosana Olson

    Beth, I think when you’re ready, you should put together that scrapbook of your life in an authentic way that feels right to you. I am appalled that your mother is using your daughter in this way?

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  2. Gloria Avatar
    Gloria

    is she possibly trying to give you images of your childhood that were positive? that there were parts that were good? I am just wondering. It could be good to see some happy moments…

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  3. I M Perfect Avatar
    I M Perfect

    Gloria, I guess what makes it most painful, is that she sees Only the things that were normal in my childhood, and refuses to act upon the abuse.
    I do see the pictures as wonderful parts of me and I am glad to have them.
    It is very complicated and twisted when there is an estrangement between a mother and child. And I being the child, even at 52, I can tell you I felt sadness in the way she sent all my pictures back.
    It wasn’t even addressed to me, but to my daughter, and with a note for her to make me a scrapbook, for her heart was no longer in it.
    Meaning to me, her heart was no longer into me.
    This last 24 hours has given me the clarity I needed to reinstate boundaries, to ensure my wellness.
    I look forward to creating a book for me.
    My other 12 siblings received a book from her.
    Another sister also recieved her pictures in an envelope, with the same message.
    The pictures may hold new meanings to me now.
    Thanks for your words…always.

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