I M Perfect lady


Who Knew and Turned Away.

The evidence report adds credence to my journey, it gives supporting evidence, names, locations, and sets the tone or energy of what I felt towards my father.   It takes this inner feeling that I had and makes it public knowledge.

This public knowledge sits so heavily upon me, for years I watched and waited for a reaction that would tell me that others seen my father as Not Normal, yet he was always treated normally, so my feelings that he wasn’t right went unsubstantiated. 

I had to look up Unsubstantiated.

1.             Unsubstantiated means, unverified: not proven factually.

Synonyms: unconfirmed, unproven, unsupported, uncorroborated

The greatest tragedy is that I waited for an adult or any person to verify that what I felt about my father was true.  That my terror feelings were spot on, and yet no one led on to what they knew or suspected.

I was left alone unsupported with this knowledge and my body refused to let go of.

I am thinking what is a deeper wound than the abuse itself is to then have your feelings of the event go unconfirmed.

No one wanted to corroborate what I had experienced and what fills my body with incredulousness is that I now have facts, verifiable facts, and supported data showing that they knew, but kept this information from me. 

When I need an adult the most, they failed to support me.

Here is what I read yesterday…

“Jenich spoke with Marvin Heinonen, retired Houghton County Protective Services Manager.  Marvin informed myself that indeed Ray Huhta has been under suspicion for at least THIRTY years for sexual assaulting his own children and most of the young girls in the Saint Mary’s Location neighborhood north of Hancock.”

(a paragraph has info on a victim, so I am excluding it)

“Marvin Heinonen said back then and even into the later years when Ray Huhta was suspected of molesting girls, there seemed to be a cover up all the time, meaning people in the church and family members would not believe that Ray Huhta could be doing this.  Marvin said the information kept resurfacing for years that Ray Huhta is a pedophile, molesting his girls…”

One victim wrote in her statement about her family contacting Peter Torola of the Apostolic Luthern Church that she was molested by Ray Huhta. She recalls Torola’s response to her, “What is your motive in telling on Ray Huhta?”  She also stated that three more victims approached minister Pete Torola after she left the area and nothing was done.

Another victim said her parents confronted Ray and he denied the whole time, from that point on her family’s children were forbidden to go to the Huhta house.

What was more horrifying to learn so many years ago, was not only did I have to find peace with having a pedophile for a father, but I also learned that so many knew and did nothing.  That 30 years ago he was suspected and the girls told to stay away…

And some knew 40 years back and at the time wanted to know the ‘motive’ for telling on Ray. Telling on Ray.  Really?

Imagine that?  Like we are gossips?… And how telling is it that Pete Torola didn’t disbelieve it, he just wondered about the motive for telling.

Perhaps he had a motive to keep it silent…for a child’s only motive is for you all to see what we see, for you to change your ‘normal’ definition to not normal.

I guess I wasn’t prepared to hear the details of the little girls, and had braced myself,  but I hadn’t expected the stories held bits and pieces of how uninterested the adults were about the children in the Huhta house.

I am not meaning to lessen the girls in my neighborhood who were abused by my father, but what stands out is that their parents warned them away from our home, but no one came and took us out.

I have six sisters…plus eight brothers, and we lived with the Pedophile and his wife. That was our only home.

We were left there knowingly.

Somehow, I would feel slightly better if no one knew…if we had gone underneath the radar, an incest nest undetected, but instead it was operating in full plain view and many just turned their heads away from the Huhta children living within.

What does a person do with this information?

How do your process the minister’s neglect or Protective Services suspecting but without follow through or neighbors keeping their children away with no heed to us living full time with a ‘suspected’ pedophile. 

Surely these are actions of an enemy and not of a friend.

I am not bitter or angry, but I am wise and now validated, vindicated…but it is a hollow victory.

You find out no one was standing for you…you never mattered enough.

The main reason I am working with Tom Rosemurgy, is I refuse to be one of the adults who knew and turned away…

 


Responses

  1. Jim Avatar
    Jim

    I have to comment on this:
    Peter Torola of the Apostolic Luthern Church that she was molested by Ray Huhta. She recalls Torola’s response to her, “What is your motive in telling on Ray Huhta?”
    Did Pete not understand that the result of ‘telling on Ray’ will be that no more girls will be molested?
    I think the question is what is Pete’s motivation for not telling on Ray. I am afraid the answer is horrible.

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  2. I M Perfect Avatar
    I M Perfect

    Jim, it wasn’t until I went to type that quote that I focused on the ‘Telling’ part. And you are so right, we are telling and reporting a bad man, so no other girl gets hurt. Brilliantly, a child isn’t concerned about an ulterior motive, we are not that conniving or forward thinking, we are simply stating facts. So, telling on so many levels. Chilling is more like it.
    My only hope is that times are a changing, and that our blogs and speaking up will help folks who are wrestling with telling or not telling, will see their way clear.
    I am speaking to shed light on a subject that needs to aired to find new solutions to old problems. Hiding and keeping other children away will not work.
    What is so funny in a very tragic way, is that you Jim, went into therapy, owned your actions unlike my father, and you are shunned and he is embraced and helped to stay “normal” looking, while you are working towards normal all stand back? There is an insanity quality in all of this. It is upside down and backwards with a hint of sideways….Nothing make rational sense. Instead it keeps pointing to very bad behavior on the shoulders of ‘good christian’ adults where child abuse is concerned.
    It is time to at the very least question actions or non actions. To learn and do better today.

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  3. Carl Huhta Avatar
    Carl Huhta

    Come on guys, Don’t you know that “forgiveness of sins” can cover it all up like a wet blanket? It makes the people in the church and the FALC look “normal”. Even now they can run and bless away their non actions and cry in church. And all is forgiven and are white as snow. Even Ray. When are you going to “get” that this will get you into Heaven? Even if they have to step over sexual abuse to get there. God’s Peace Everybody.
    And Jim. The “sea of grace” is for people who never “admitted” to anything like my father. You my friend are placed in the “lake of shame” where there is no Holy Spirit to comfort you.
    The Holy Spirit is determined to be “within” by the same people who comforted and protected my Christian father. The “congregation decides”? Really? My goodness your system is working beautifully.
    My oh my. Do we have a lot of “explaining” to do when we get to Heaven.

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  4. Rebecca Hiers Avatar
    Rebecca Hiers

    Unfortunately, that “Code of Silence” is still alive and well in our Child Protective Services and Friend of the Court. My ex-husband was emotionally and mentally abusive to me and my children. I finally walked out on him one night when he threatened to kill me. At our Custody hearing, he ADMITTED to drinking, having rage issues and neglect and abuse of the children and myself. I protested him having unsupervised visitation until he had help. The mediator twisted the facts, saying I was the one with anger, alcohol and abuse issues and that HE was the one that walked out, and gave him weekend overnight visits and twice weekly time alone with the boys. My oldest son was 5 and would tell me and others, stories about “Games” daddy played with him, and how if he “Didn’t touch daddy right” daddy threw him against the wall and would choke him. He would also say that he couldnt tell the cops because “They do bad bad things to guys that touch little boys in prison mom, and I dont want him killed.” CPS has investigated my ex at least 6 times in the last 5 years. He has NEVER been turned in by me-its always the boys have said something to a trusted adult who has called in. They find evidence of “Something going on” but “Cant prove it.” The last episode was this past June when the boys had to see a forensic pediatric sexual assult doctor. His findings were at the very LEAST the boys are watching pornography, most likely at their dads. CPS rec’d a copy of the report and said “That isn’t abuse” and have chosen to do close the case against my ex. I have been told its my fault-if I had been a better wife, I wouldn’t have been abused, the kids wouldn’t be molested. What needs to happen is that women have GOT to stop believing that crap. It isnt the womans choice to be abused, nor her childrens choice to be a victim of a trusted adults sickness. The fault lies in the abuser, not the abused. The code of silence with friends and family is holding because of shame on the part of the abused and quite honestly, misunderstanding. A rational person would know that a wife isnt abused because she deserves it-it goes against the entire marriage concept. But they say it. A rational person would know an innocent child doesn’t deserve it,so they blame the mother for not being strong enough to stand up to her husband. Its “Her” problem. If she was a better wife, the kids would be okay, and he wouldn’t do that. The blame needs to go square on the shoulders of the abuser where it belongs. The court system also needs to look at EMOTIONAL and MENTAL damage this does to children. I was told by one CPS worker “Well, he isn’t leaving any marks on your son. I had a case where the dad burned the kid with a lit cigarette. THATS real abuse.” Mental scars go just as deep and are harder to heal in some cases. I know my boys are going to have issues as they grow up, thanks to my ex. I cant stop it-if I deny visitation, I am in violation of a court order and face jail time.While I sit in jail, their abuser has free rein with them, and would probably gain full custody. My options are to disappear (like with 4 kids that would be easy) or help them find a way to cope. They are in intensive therapy and are learning skills that I hope and pray will help them as they grow. The most I can do for them is be strong, set a good example, and let them know that what is going on isnt right, while praying that they can get the strength from within themselves someday to overcome the BS they have been fed by their dad, and tell.

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  5. I M Perfect Avatar
    I M Perfect

    Rebecca I hear your pain and frustration. I don’t know where you live, but please consider calling Tom Rosemurgy, his number is on the upper right side of this blog.
    Also, are you in any support groups.
    Please email me and we can talk further.
    What is so wrong with the system at large is when we do try and get out or heal IT is not an easy smooth pathway, you will have to fight tooth and nail to just walk your own truth. I would keep a diary and keep very specific notes on when they go and what is said upon their return.
    What we have to do the most is to continue doing our best agains the terrible odds, and know that at times our best will fail miserably due to who we are up against.
    Just because we don’t win the war doesn’t mean we have to lose our self. You are doing right. And expecting an abusive man to do right is insanity. Just keep track of all interactions and conversations. Follow the law…
    Letting your husband show your children who he is, while you can show them the opposite. Be the love he can’t be.
    I wish you strength and courage as you walk your truth.

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  6. Carl Huhta Avatar
    Carl Huhta

    Rebecca,
    I am sorry. Your story of abuse breaks my heart. I can only imagine what your sons are believing about themselves at the hands of their “father”.
    My sister Beth is very wise and has helped me immensely through the years. Please reach out to her or anybody else that can help you through this.
    My hope for you and your kids is that you both find safety and Peace.

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  7. Rebecca hiers Avatar
    Rebecca hiers

    Thank you BOTH for the support. I am VERY VERY fortunate that where I live, the Chief of Police didn’t see me as the bitter ex wife trying to make trouble, and he believed me, when the abuse the boys were suffering was reported to him by a 3rd party. He has been the ONLY one and has been SO supportive. He has gone out of his way to help me through the court system and make sure that I am doing the right things to try and get this stopped. Unfortunately, there is only so much he can do before the courts and their “We can’t do anything” attitudes tie his hands. He makes a point to keep in touch with the boys and build trust with them, so that when they are ready to talk, they are talking to a friend, not a bad guy in a uniform. He knows when the boys are over at the exes house and makes a point to have patrols in the area, just so the ex gets the point that he IS on their radar. (We live in the same town)It really helps to have at least ONE person in authority believe you. Not that they can DO anything, but you spend SO much time talking to the worthless CPS workers (And I know there are good ones out there, I just havent run into any of them)and get treated like dirt, to have someone believe and help just means the world. It makes the difference between hopelessness and hope.
    The boys were getting nothing but Raman Noodles and eggs when they were at dads house. In one of my conversations with a CPS worker, I was told this was acceptable because “Well, hes a single guy, thats what they eat.” So I asked him if I were to feed the kids a steady diet of Raman Noodles and eggs, would that be okay? He said “Well-no, it wouldn’t.Youre the mom.” I flat out told him to take his double standard and shove it, Betty Crocker makes cookbooks, if I have to cook, the ex does too. Thats what it took to get them to do something about the food situation over there. Thats just wrong.
    I am learning as I deal with these people there are a ton of double standards, and lack of common sense. I dont even want to deal with these people anymore, because every time they let him off the hook, it feeds his feelings of power and control, which is what abuse is all about. I am SO sick of Friend of the Court and Child Protective Services it isn’t even funny. They are not going to save my children. They just give him free rein to do what he wants, as long as he doesnt leave marks on them. My hope is that I can instill in them the mind-set that what their father does to them isn’t their shame, its his. They have done nothing wrong. And knowing that abuse goes in cycles, make them strong enough by my example of leaving the situation, to break the cycle and have it end with their dad. The systems in place now to “protect” children certainly are not going to do it.

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  8. I M Perfect Avatar
    I M Perfect

    Rebecca, I believe that you are making a difference by acting differently than some women, who will not leave for many reasons.
    Your boys may not understand your behavior until they are fathers. Just keep speaking about their treatment when with their father as being abusive.
    What confuses a child is when the adults look away or not address actions as they are.
    I totally get that until you are dealing with the courts, you can’t know what they will do.
    How wonderful you have someone with the law who is standing by you. Someday, the boys may feel safe enough to talk to him.
    You are doing your best in a situation that is beyond wrong.
    People who do such behaviors are not in their right minds, and I think many who are ‘helping’ the families, don’t get it.
    they keep treating them like they are ‘normal’ folks when in fact they should be treated like they have a very very serious disease, which they do.
    More than likely your exhusband was abused by someone, in order to learn this behavior.
    Gone untreated he does what he does.
    Perhaps you can get your children therapy…just so they have someone to talk to.
    Alice Miller’s books are great on showing the cycles and how treatment works or doesn’t. You may want to read them.
    Again, keep being the opposite of him and even get therapy your self so you have someone to talk to. Write, read and learn all about abuse and how you too were drawn into such a man.
    Email me if you like, bjukuri@hotmail.com

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  9. Daisyaday Avatar
    Daisyaday

    Unfortunately, the focus always seems to be on how much the man has to lose if his misdeeds come to light, so let’s not rock the boat. Let’s find a way to blame someone else for his actions so we don’t have to deal with the uncomfortable situation of having to hold him accountable, when he is clearly one of “us”. It hits a little too close to home.

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