I M Perfect lady

Quiet Strength of Kindness

I watched my daughter with Finn, how gentle and quiet her voice was and how he listened and followed her lead.  He has an ear infection in both ears and needs twice daily drops. 

I was prepared for a struggle of holding him down and wrestling to get a few drops in.

The first few times we did have two people…but he showed us quickly that one person was enough.  One gentle quiet speaking trusting loving person…was all that he needed.

He isn't happy or eager, but resigned.  We can't know if he intuitively knows this is helping his ears or is he simply following what his soft spoken master is telling him…

I have been given the gift of watching her mother him with soft hands and a calm voice of love and steady kindness.

My unnatural instinct has been the opposite. 

Driven by fear and out of control inside…I mothered without the quiet strength of kindness.

,

Published by

bjukuri

Responses

  1. Leah Avatar
    Leah

    I have to say your last sentence brought me to tears. Who, but the bravest of the brave moms could admit that to herself? I have re-read that many times today and for some reason, I’m totally in awe of your strength and growth. I feel some sort of bond with your words perhaps because we have both walked the walk and are also mothers who take our jobs seriously.

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  2. I M Perfect Avatar
    I M Perfect

    Thanks Leah. It was horrifying to see my mothering at first glance, about 6 years ago, to see the unkindness I slung around to reign in control. Awful. I felt I had ruined my children. But, with a great deal of desire to do it differently, I have been able to turn myself around. I was the problem. I had to learn nurturing. I had to learn how not to overwhelm them with my needs and opinions. I still mother, but I see both of our needs, not just mine. Relationships are resilient if truth and change plus lots of effort enter in. It has been a rough and delightful road. I am so grateful to feel loving kindness towards my children, for prior I was numb inside and seen only the work and effort it required.
    What I also acknowledge, is that I did the best I could have with how I felt inside. But even my best was hurtful.
    I can’t have regrets, for I gave all I could…I just didn’t have love to give.
    I loved them in my way, but my way left them without their own sense of self and freedom…slaves to a mental master called mom.
    The ‘job’ of mothering isn’t about the children, but rather it is about the woman.
    As a broken woman, I mothered brokenly.
    The more I was able to fix what was broken inside, the more clearer I seen the needs of my children.
    Thanks again Leah. I know if you are at peace inside, peace will come forth. If you feel love of self with understanding and wisdom, that too will shine forth.

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  3. Jennifer Harkonen Avatar
    Jennifer Harkonen

    Beautifully said, Beth. And it gives me some peace, and understanding a little bit more of why my own mother operated the way she did. I understand her better now.

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  4. Jennifer Harkonen Avatar
    Jennifer Harkonen

    And I have to say, its NEVER too late to say you’re sorry. I recently went to my 25th high school reunion. There was a woman in my class who had been very unkind to me in 11th grade. For no reason that had anything to do with me, but everything to do with her. If it had anything to do with me at all, it was probably all that inferiority I carried around from growing up in my family that she picked up on, and she was probably victimized in some way at home, possibly sexually. I saw her at the reunion and she asked me to talk to her privately. She said she was sorry. Though I never thought about it anymore, I was somehow released from it all. I can only imagine that it did the same for your children.

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