I M Perfect lady

Today as I rode along in the mail jeep, I listened to "Sway" The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior…by Ori Brafman.

A very interesting look at what is behind the irrational behavior. 

In the beginning of the book, he speaks of two very compelling reasons why people don't change their minds or the direction of their lives.  

One is the "Aversion to Loss"…where they will hold on to a sinking ship, rather than lose it.  It isn't even about what they are holding on to, it is that they just are simply repulsed by the thought of Loss. They live life from the NOT losing perspective and fail to see life from a view point of gaining something new. They literally are not even able to see a new way, for their sole focus is on NOT LOSING what they have.  This one factor will lead to all kinds of irrational behavior.

Now couple it with an added vice, "commitment"…and you have the makings of insane behavior. 

They made a commitment and that commitment overshadows any facts that fly in the face of that.  Their commitment binds the NOT Losing sentiment into a circle that they can't escape from.  No rational directives can penetrate the tightly woven Beliefs they hold.

I highly recommend reading this book, if you have irrational folks in your world and you simply can't figure them out.  The experiments alone are very interesting to see how the human rationality works.

What this has helped me see is that if your mind set is on NOT LOSING, you will not be able to see a new way.  For you are holding tight to the thought that you can't lose what you have…it isn't what you have, but losing.

This of course brings me to my siblings and how they don't want to lose the family and even how they are committed to the roles of brother/sister/son/daughter, they acted irrationally from my point of view, because they couldn't lose.

Loss becomes the larger meaning…than what you holding on to.

This is why I couldn't understand why they were so dead set against letting go…they didn't want to lose…and their commitment to that family stood higher than the family they were committed to.

I don't know if I can adequately explain this, but if you read the book, you will see how we give up being rational in irrational ways due to holding on to a secondary meaning.

Oh, and there is one about "Value"…where if your first impression is that person or thing is valuable, you will not change your mind easily…and in fact, you will disregard information that tries to lessen the value.

The first impression of valuable stands against all facts to the contrary.

These three different examples dove tail in nicely to abuse and it explains how folks refuse to budge in a new direction.

Lots of the abuse is happening in families whose 'reputations' proceed them, and it is extremely difficult to change the minds from the first impression of valuable…our minds can't be swayed.

It works in the opposite direction too.  If you are labeled as less or worthless, you can't get people to believe otherwise. And it even works if people label you worthless, you begin to believe them EVEN if you have facts that dispute it.

We simply can't be swayed by facts, for in front of the facts, stands our first impressions…or fears of loss…or our ironclad promise of commitment.

Losing family….failing to honor your commitment to the family and changing your Values of them stand in the way of navigating rationally in the face of abuse.

In my experience, this explains the behaviors of my family…they are a strong bunch; nothing can sway them.